LtD 28-32

>>Chapter 28 - Part 2
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> Sergeant Irony chuckled loudly, "Have fun Captain."
Hopefully we will.
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>Dana finished putting the dress on and looked in the mirror. It was beautiful. Simple, but beautiful. The dress was red and covered most of her body. It looked like a dress she would have worn back on earth.
So, covering up the goods, aren’t we?
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>"Looks good on you dear." Said Bluetail.
Oh, look. Another OC. When was the last time a new one was introduced?
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> Bluetail was a mare that had let Dana stay at her house. They had become good friends since she arrived. She was white with a black mane, but blue tail. Hence her name Bluetail.
Hey, crazy idea here. Why not have her stay with Rarity? You know, the element of Generosity ‘and’ a fashionista who would be more than glad to let you stay with her and give/make you a dress? Who also lives in Ponyville, near Twilight, and constantly goes to Canterlot, where your son lives? Because it seems that she could fill this role perfectly. And even if you say that she staying in Ponyville is not practical, well I’m more than glad to remind you that Lance commutes from Canterlot to Ponyville every day. At this point you’re just introducing OC’s for the sake of it, but I shouldn’t feel surprised about that.
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> Dana chuckled, blushing, "I will, tonight is going to be fun."
Just get to the part where you hook up.
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> Rainbow Dash landed on the steps to her home. Today had been fun, pranking ponies with Purple Blaze had been awesome.
While I want to believe you’re shipping Rainbow Dash with someone with whom she has something in common, I think that what really happened is that he made Peter a prankster ‘just’ so he could ship it with Rainbow Dash, thus explaining why the musician with a sort of musical reference is an all-out prankster.
...
This chapter was supposed to be fun...



>>Chapter 28 - Part 3
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> A knock at the door caused her to jump. Who could that be?
The plot?
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> The stallion stepped forward, into the light coming from the open door, "Hey Dash, remember me?" "Hey Whitemark, I haven't seen you in a long time."
Why do the bronies have two names? This is the first time David has been called Whitemark since he gave himself that name. When was the last time Greg has been called Mellow Haze? And whatshisface, the dragon, what happened to him?
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> She stepped aside, "Please come in."
This can only end in tears
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>"Sorry about taking Lance's notebook and leaving you behind."
“I’m sorry I was being uncharacteristically bitchy!”
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> She bumped his side, "Can I make it up to you?" Whitemark held back a smile and blushed, "You can try."
Oh, Whitemark. I know we haven’t really spoken in several months, and even then I was too busy screwing Lance’s life and wanting to screw Lance, and I’ve found someone who shares some of my interests; but now that I see you, I find myself powerfully attracted to you.
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> She walked to the door, "How about dinner than? On me." Whitemark turned and smiled, "Sounds good."
If you crash Cpt. Barehoof and Dana’s date, I’m going to be, well, just slightly angrier than I currently am.
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> The Captain turned to see Dana. His jaw dropped at the sight of her. She wore a dress that made her look... Beautiful, just beautiful.
“I mean, I could try to elaborate on how she looks, but qualifying adjectives are hard.”
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> He held up a hoof, "Ready to get this rematch started?"
I know I am.
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> She looked at him determined, "You know it. I'm going to beat you again." The Captain chuckled, "We'll have to see."
Sort of decent pacing and proper tension. Did Kickass222urmom got someone else to write these parts?



>>Chapter 28 - Part 4
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> Dana smirked, "Bring it Captain."
I’m going to enjoy reading about these two adults having an eat-off and I’m going to enjoy it, because the option is reading about Lance Gary-Stuing his way through Equestria.
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>"Who's that?" Dana turned, "Who's who?" The Captain began eating the first hayburger.
I am amazed, it’s a petty thing, but they are genuinely having a good time and bonding over it. Their banter is fun, but not mean spirited, and it actually feels—Wait, did they dress up to go to a burger joint?
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>"Oh you little cheater." She said smiling before diving into her food.
Yes…
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> He sighed while smiling, "I'll never know how you are so fast." She shrugged, "I'm just to fast for you."
Yes!
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>"Did we just go on a date to settle a score?" She laughed and leaned forward, "I was hoping it would be more." The Captain leaned forward, "It can be, if you want it to be"
YES! And now that the short lived will-they/won’t-they dynamic is gone, I hope the author doesn’t run them into the ground.
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> The Captain hesitated for a second, "Do you want to be my marefriend?"
See, this is a romance that carries itself in a mostly positive way. They don’t immediately fall in love with each other, and while they do show attraction early on, they’re at least doing something together while their relationship blooms. And it’s made more believable than the rest of the pairings because these characters have some flaws and some actual depth, unlike Mr. Everything-Turns-Out-Well-For-Me.
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>"Yes, I would love to be your marefriend."
Cue: The non-forced kissed.
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> Their lips connected.
There we go.
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> I shuddered. Wow, what was that? I have a weird feeling, like something weird and scary just happened.
Yeah, we just went back to the shitty side of the story.



>>Chapter 29 - Part 1
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> I stood up and dropped the guitar. I let out a loud sigh and rubbed my hands together, "Damn it! It's harder than I thought to learn how to play the guitar."
Un-believable! I’m not a master of something after my first time trying?
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> I looked around the empty room, "Who am I talking to?"
Lance is finally showing signs of schizophrenia. That or the writer is trying to be self-aware. Either prospect is worrying.
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> Hmmm, teacher. I got it! Peter said he would teach me.
Out of all the loose threads in this story, I can’t say I’m happy you’re following ‘this’ one.
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> [Twilight] nodded, a smile on her face, "Sure, what do you need?" "Can you transport Peter here. I need help with the guitar."
I’m sure he has things to do, but none of them could be as important as attending to my needs.
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> Then I saw Peter, mid flight, appear in the room. Bad thing was, he was still flying and slammed into the wall head first.
Regardless of possible brain damage, I’m sure he won’t be mad.
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> Peter stood, holding his head, "Don't worry about it. I've been in car crashes worst than that."
Toldja’.
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>"Whoa, dude what happened to your pony body? Your human again." I sighed, I forgot I was human for a second
Yeah, my body is completely different, and I perceive the world in an entirely different way, but psh…
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>"Long story, I'll tell you later. But first, I need help learning the guitar."
I know this goes against anything we would expect from this place. But first, I must learn how to play the guitar.
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> He shrugged, "I can, for a price."
I want your firstbo—Actually, you can keep it, I’ve seen the cover art.



>>Chapter 29 - Part 2
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>"You have to let me play at your wedding."
Luckily, the RIAA doesn’t have legal power in Equestria, so I’ll be able to sing whatever the hell I want.
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> [Frederic] turned around to his servant, Tinker. Since he was marrying the Princess, he was able to get the benefits of a prince.
Oh, right. Good ‘ol Fred is getting hitched. Also, why the hell do you keep churning out OC’s? Do you get off on it?
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> Frederic looked around then back to Tinker, "Yes, go to the workshop and grab the black bag on my desk."
Oooooh. Mystery. If only I cared.
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> David opened his eyes and sat up. He looked around in confusion, trying to remember where he was. He looked over to his side, and smiled at the pony next to him. He now remembers the night before.
I severely doubt there are any waifufags left. If that’s the case, you should know that nobody is safe.
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> [Rainbow Dash] looked at him and smiled miscellaneously
What the hell is with the miscellaneous smiles? It’s not a thing! And it makes no sense! How the hell does someone smile miscellaneously?
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>"Wanna go for another round?"
Yes, they do keep on making it.
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>, "This time, I'm not holding back." David's eyes opened in surprise, "Oh my."
And how.
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> Zane walked out of the club
Oh, Zane and his search for a date. Will he be anywhere near finding this mysterious mare?
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> He sighed loudly, he had thought finding her would be easy. Guess he was wrong on that one.
God damn it! Didn’t the Princesses told him to search in New Mane City for… whoever it is you’re searching?
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> Greg made his way to Sweet Apple Acres. He knew Louie was there and he wanted to see what was keeping him away from home.
He has a family now, sort of. And he’s being kept away from Lance. Why wouldn’t him want to stay away from home?
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> As he walked, he heard a rustling coming from a bush. He walked behind the bush to see two ponies.
Please don’t let them be OC’s.



>>Chapter 29 - Part 3
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> One was white with a red and black mane and tail. Next to him was another stallion who was light grey with a gold and grey mane and tail, both looked like metal, but was clearly hair. He was holding a pair of binoculars and was using them to look at the farm.

You have, quite literally, hundreds of existing ponies to choose and use for the story. Why the hell do you feel the need to cram it full of shitty “original” characters that you won’t even develop beyond a paragraph?
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>"Oh nothing. Fearanger here…
I hope you get beaten to death with wrench pipes in the back alley of a dubious gin joint.
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>…is just spying on Applejack.”
It’s not the worst thing a character has done in this story.
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>"And you are?" "Rendan." He responded. Weird names.
And yet, nobody reaches the level of idiocy of “Girokon”. Though Fearanger is a strong contender.
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> Rendan smirked, "He has a crush on her. So he's going on this long quest trying to win her heart."
Called it. Applejack was going to be the next one to get hitched. Only Rarity is left.
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> Greg smirked, "This I got to see. Mind if I join?"
Greg has the right mindset. If you’re faced with utter absurdity of the Living-verse, just roll with it.



>>Chapter 29 - Part 4
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> Princess Luna stood in her room, looking over the plans for her and Frederic's wedding.
I look forward to their wedding. Knowing the style of this fic, I predict that: Greg will score with the bridesmaids, the captain and Dana will get engaged, Cody will break free and kill Darknight and Obscure Mist, the two new totally awesome and original characters that are yet to be introduced, Someone will declare their undying love for Lance. Rainbow Dash will try to rape someone, and Lance will learn something new about himself that will make him even more powerful/mysterious/sexy/powerful again.
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> She smiled brightly at the thought of them getting married. She couldn't believe that the whole five years he's been here, she never once told him of her feelings.
It’s a good thing you returned his feelings, otherwise it would have been awkward.
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> Only a few more days till the wedding.
Oh, great. That way the anxiety won’t drive us crazy.
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> All it needs now is the entertainment
Oh, I think there’ll be more than enough entertainment.
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> She smirked, only two ponies she knew that could deliver a great performance, Vinyl scratch and her new singer Nightwing.
I CAN’T EVEN—Let’s just go to the wedding.



>>Chapter 30 - Part 1
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> MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
Santa Claus now gives printed copies of Living the Dream instead of coal.
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> Malbatorus stood outside of Fluttershy's cottage.
Oh, Malby. The dragon brony. I wonder what has he been up to since we last saw him.
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>Well, he stood over it.
Wouldn’t ‘over it’ mean that you’re crushing it under your weight?
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> He had been staying in the forest next to Fluttershy's, and helping her out when ever he could. He loved going to Ponyville from time to time.
Of course. I forgot that this guy has the self-esteem and confidence of a carrot.
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> He may like her and want to be with her, but she just views him as a friend and helper. Nothing more.
Fluttershy isn’t attracted to the huge dragon? Well, I’ll be damned.
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>"Wake up!" Said a loving voice
I wonder who are they? There are so many OCxCanon ships I’ve lost count.
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> Aaron groaned and sat up, and looked at Vinyl with fake anger, "I'm up! I'm up!"
Oh, right. The DJ and the other guy who happens to be a singer.
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> After their first night together, she had invited him to stay at her house for a while. While he was staying, she caught him singing. Long story short, she asked him to be her new singer. She DJ's and he sings.
Why would a DJ need a singer?
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> Vinyl grinned, "Are you ready for this? We are going to perform at Princess Luna's wedding!"
One would think that a millennial Princess that has been out of touch with modern Equestria since she returned from her thousand year banishment would prefer something a bit more classical, but no.
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>What will we play?
>I know a song.
>What song?
>I’ll teach you
>Start teaching me
>Follow me, we need to learn.
>Come teach me
This is what happens for the rest of the scene.
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> I was laying down on the couch downstairs at my house. Bored out of my mind.
I’d prefer to be bored.



>>Chapter 30 - Part 2
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> I began to hear a loud noise outside. I've heard something like it before, but I can't place my finger on it. After listening to it for a few more seconds, I noticed it was the sound a fighter jet would make. But there's no jets in Equestria.
I’d like to say that they’re not Fighter Jets, but I know that anything is possible here.
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> I saw what looked like a pony flying. But not a Pegasus.
Kickass22urmom introduced the Jet Pony before those threads did.
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> This pony had a black box on its back and large metal like wings on either side. A sort of engine was on the back, giving it more speed.
At least it’s not steampunk.
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> I walked to the door and opened it, "Well hey there Frederic."
Wait, what?
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>"This here is a new project I've been working on. It will allow all ponies to fly, even if they aren't Pegasus."
Aren’t you a blacksmith? Didn’t you spend five years making swords and armors for guards that they don’t even use? How were you able to build an internal combustion engine that was small enough to fit in a backpack, stable enough to not burn the pony wearing it, and light enough so it can still fly?
If you can do this kind of stuff, why don’t you invest all of your time on it? You already know the Princesses, ask for an investigation grant and kick Equestria into the Industrial Revolution.
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>"Those goggles are a new design by me. They can zoom in and out and see in fog and darkness. Their limit is over a mile, which would be impossible without magic.
See, this exactly the kind of things that I talked about. If you can make these things, why the hell are you just a blacksmith and not a scientist in an University?
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>"They are to expensive to just give away to just anypony." He reached into his bag with his magic, "But your not just anypony."
You’re Hero McProtagonist, and it’s been a while since you got a new power/equipment.



>>Chapter 30 - Part 3
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>"Your my friend."
Why, exactly, are you friends? When did you develop such a strong bonding with Lance? Did you spend the stakeout at the school learning about each other?
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>"Come to my wedding. I need a best man."
Are you serious!? Don’t you have any friends? Didn’t you meet anybody in the five years you’ve been in Equestria!?
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> Best man! Why me, he barely knows me.
That’s what I’m trying to say!
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>"Do I look like I have other friends? I mean, I've been in that workshop almost the whole time I've been here. You are my first real friend I've made here."
Fred. He’s a social outcast and still managed to woo a Princess.
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> I'll tell Luna to tell Celestia about your appearance.
I don’t want to inconvenience my sister in law.
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> I began to read about the pony and griffin war.
Of course. Let’s keep expanding the history while not developing the rest of what has happened so far.
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> It seems that there had been a war over a thousand years ago, or to be more precise, it was one thousand two hundred and eighty three years ago.
How is that relevant to anything?
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> I wonder where the griffin territory is now?
Why don’t you ask those bronies that were captured by the Griffins? Then again, I don’t think you can, they’re probably dead by now. Not that anybody cared.
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> I mean, I know their out there, but where? Maybe me and my friends could go searching for it in the near or distant future.
Keep your infection within the boundaries of Equestria.
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> I laughed at the thought of me and the other bronies going through the wilderness, facing who knows what and finding the lost, okay maybe not lost, city of the griffin's.
I laugh too, because I’ve already ran out of tears.



>>Chapter 31 - Part 1
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> I know I said I wouldn't do a chapter today, but you know me. Can't stay away from writing.
Sadly, we do.
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> Greg sat beside Rendan and Fearanger. It was starting to get boring just watching Fearanger watch Applejack through the binoculars.
At which point that was even remotely interesting?
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> Greg sat up, he didn't even know their real names, "So tell me, what's your human names?"
Surely they can’t be as stupid as your pony names.
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> Fearanger answered without turning his gaze from Applejack, "Zorrow Bialeki."
You know? Fearanger is not that bad, I’m sure it fits you well.
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> Rendan just shrugged, "Seth."
Go to b—
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>"Well actually its, Seth Sethity Sethinston The Sethinteenth."
Damn. It’s not even worth it.
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> Greg sighed, "When are you going to be done spying on her dude?"
This guy is not doing his best to portray the bronies under the best light. I wonder if it’s intentional or just his limited writing skills.
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> Spying is hiding and taking notes on someone so you can give the information away or something along those lines. Observing is where you observe their habits and learn about them. Know everything about them so you will be able to approach them the right way.
If you have to go out of your way to rationalize what you’re doing, it’s time to reconsider your life decisions.
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> Greg grinned, "So by observing, you mean stalking?"
Thank you, Greg.
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> Seth chuckled, "Could be a while. Back on earth, he did the same thing to this one chick. We stayed out in the forest out side of her house for weeks before the dad caught us.”
Sweet Jesus. Does this guy know that you’re supposed to root for the protagonists?
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> Zorrow went low to the ground, "Come on guys, we gotta move up with out being seen."
This will end well.



>>Chapter 31 - Part 2
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> Greg peeked out of the bushes and saw that Applejack had her back to them. From their position, they could see her round flank and.. Greg pulled back, he may be a lot of things, but he was no perv.
Funny that Greg would be the first person to make a good moral decision.
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>"Doesn't look like anyone heard me." He sat back and smiled, "Am I good or what?" "Nope." Said a rough country voice.
Excellent! I hope Big Mac won’t be affected by the shroud of flawlessness that prevents any character from dealing with the consequences of their actions.
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>"What are ya folks doin' spyin on mah lil' sister?" Zorrow took a loud gulp, "Not spying, observing." Big Mac looked at him, "That's the same thing."
Less talking, more skull bashing, Big Mac.
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> He quickly reached out and grabbed Seth by the hoof and yelled out, "Don't hate the drugs, hate the dealer!" They disappeared in a green light.
God damn it, Greg. Let him get what he deserves.
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> Greg looked around, "Oops, must have forgot to grab him too."
YES!
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> Zorrow ran down the path at his top speed, not even trying to catch his breath. Behind him was a pissed off Big Mac.
Now let’s see some good ol’ fashioned beating.
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> All he had said was that Applejack had a nice body and flank, something he could tap. How could that offend anybody?
You’re not even trying to be likeable, aren’t you?
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> Something connected with his hoof, sending him flying to the ground. Fucking stump, what's it doing in the middle of the road?
Because we need some catharsis.
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>"Okay, you can do what ever you want. Just stay away from the face and hair, I need those." Big Mac raised a hoof and smirked, "Ah don't make promises."
Excellent! Now we’ll finally see someone get punished for their actions. I hope this becomes a standard and characters will now thi—Wait. It’s over?
God damn it, Kickass222urmom!



>>Chapter 32 - Part 1
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> Here it is, the wedding. Enjoy.
I doubt I will.
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> I looked into the mirror at my pony body and smiled. Thank you Princess Celestia. She had turned me back into a pony, she said it would have been hard, but since Greg's magic is new and weak, it was easy.
You’re a pony again? Then what was the whole point of you becoming a human again? What about Greg’s spell, is that going to be relevant again? All of that foreshadowing about your “true self” being a human was for nothing at all? Are you serious? This is the first fucking paragraph and I already want to punch the screen in frustration.
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> I pushed the goggles down over my eyes. I was wearing the new ones that Frederic had given me, and they really worked.
Why the hell are you wearing aviation goggles to a Royal Wedding? Are they getting married in an air blimp?
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> Not only did they give me the ability to see in the dark and fog, but also improved my eye sight by a little.
Why are you going to need any of those things? How are improved eyesight, and the ability to see in the dark going to help you in giving a ring to Fred!? What reason could you have for wearing them?
Oh, God.
Is he going to pull a Changeling invasion or something like that?
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> Frederic stepped off, a large smile on his face. He was wearing a suit similar to mine, but had a few extra pockets and looked more official.
Well, he is going to become a Prince, so I guess it makes sense. I guess...
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>”You ready for this?” Are you ready for this” “I am ready for this”.
We’re repeating ourselves. Are we repeating ourselves? Yes, we’re repeating ourselves.
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> Get on Lance, I don't want to be late for my own wedding." I walked on and turned, "No, you wouldn't want to do that now would you?"
Of course not. Why would we want to miss this.



>>Chapter 32 - Part 2
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>"You know me, I'll make sure everything goes the way its suppose to."
“Thirteen dead and over forty missing after yesterday’s wedding.”
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> We made our way towards the ballroom where the wedding was starting to begin.
Does this guy even proofreads what he writes?
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> Twilight sat with all of her friends, the only one not with her was Lance. But that was because he was Frederic's best stallion.
In case you haven’t been paying attention to the chapter, and who could blame you, here’s a quick summary.
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> Rainbow Dash groaned loudly, "When is this going to be over?"
I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. I honestly, don’t know…
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> She couldn't wait for their wedding. She was so happy that all her friends were helping her plan it out. She wanted it to be perfect for her and Lance.
Oh, you’d like that. Wouldn’t you.
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> Greg walked into the ballroom followed by Seth. Seth was pushing a wheel chair with Zorrow in it.
Why the hell would you invite these two? Fred doesn’t even know them
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> Zorrow had a full body cast on, and a head bandage. An IV was stuck into his left hoof.
It’s a pity we didn’t get to see any of it.
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> Zorrow sighed and looked towards them. "I'm going to get you back. Both of you. You guys left me behind."
And it was the best decision ever made in this fic.
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>"I can't believe he shaved my hair off."
You’re in a full body cast and ‘that’ is what bothers you?
…
Zorrow proceeds to be an entitled asshole for the next hundred words.
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> Seth stood, "You want me to move you? Oh, I'll move ya." He bucked Zorrow's wheel chair towards an open widow. The wheel chair hit the window and stopped suddenly. Zorrow flew from the chair and out the window. Seth sat back down, "I think he'll like the fresh air."
I’m liking this Seth character. I wonder how he’ll be run into the ground.



>>Chapter 32 - Part 3
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> Greg looked back to the front. Damn, he wishes he was the one up there getting married. That way he could be a real royal pain in the ass.
Did Greg smoke his entire stash before coming here?
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> He noticed that he had missed to much of the speech, because she had just finished asking Frederic if he would take Luna to be his wife.
Boy, how lucky that Greg spaced out there, otherwise the author would have been forced to actually write.
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>"I now pronounce you as husband and wife. If anypony has any reason why those two may not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." Greg smirked. He stood and yelled, "I have a reason."
Though I want to believe that this will actually amount to something and is not Greg holding the goof ball indefinitely, I know I’ll just be disappointed.
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> Celestia looked at him, "And what would that reason be?"
Let’s see what the author has in store for us.
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> Greg stood tall and smirked, "Because, I want to tap that first."
I want to make you chew glass, Kickass222urmom.
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> Celestia nodded, "You may now kiss the bride."
Let’s get this over.
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> Celestia took a few steps back. Why is she stepping back?
She’s taking the sight of her sister finding love?
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> Then, a light began to show where Frederic's and Luna's lips met. The light than began to engulf Frederic. I shielded my eyes against the bright light.
I’m pressing B, but the evolution won’t stop!



>>Chapter 32 - Part 4
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> Frederic stood there, now as tall as Luna. But what really took me by surprise was the wings he had grown out of nowhere. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Frederic was now an Alicorn, complete with horn, wings, and height.
FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH. DAMN YOU AND THOSE WHO ENCOURAGED YOU TO KEEP WRITING. DAMNED BE THE TEACHERS THAT TAUGHT YOU TO WRITE, DAMNED BE YOUR PARENTS FOR CONCEIVING YOU, DAMNED BE THE SYSTEM FOR ALLOWING PEOPLE LIKE YOU TO GET AN EDUCATION, DAMNED BE OUR ANCESTORS FOR CREATING THE WRITTEN WORD. DAMNED BE SATAN FOR INFLICTING US WITH THIS, AND DAMNED BE GOD FOR LETTING US SUFFER THROUGH THIS.
How the hell did he become an Alicorn!? Why the hell did he become an Alicorn!? Not even Magical Mystery Cure made me this angry about a unicorn becoming an Alicorn! Twilight became an Alicorn after fulfilling her destiny and proving that she was ready to ascend. What the fuck did Fred do?
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>"When a Alicorn marries another pony, that pony becomes an Alicorn also. But it only happens if the two truly love each other."
They had one date before he proposed, Celestia. One date. And Fred here wasn’t going out of his way to show his affection for Luna.
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>"All hail Iron Clad, the new Prince of Equestria!"
At least you didn’t straight up make him a king.
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> we headed for the doors that lead into the garden. Where the reception was being held
There’s no fun for the damned.