Tweedle Dum:
This industry was suffering
Suffering from a blight

Tweedle Dee:
From Jews to Crooks to Feminists
They all looked for a fight

Tweedle Dum:
And vidya would be filled with just

Both:
A bunch of shitty trite

Tweedle Dee:
The Journo and the Publisher
Were walking close at hand

Tweedle Dum:
The games seemed nice;
Set at high price
But all were just so bland

Publisher:
Mr. Journo!

Tweedle Dee:
Said the Publisher

Publisher:
Perhaps I'll cease to shirk
Let's both be good
Just as we should
If you don't mind the work

Journo:
Work?!? ablblblbalblbh
The time has come…

Tweedle Dee:
The Journo said

Journo:
To talk of other things
Of cats and guns and Mountain Dew
Of DLCs and Pests
And why the eye sees 20 frames
And whether girls have breasts
Calloo-Callay
No work today!
We're DLCs and Pests!

[Musical Intermission]

Journo:
Oh, uh, Gamers, come consume with us
Open those wallets now
A season pass
A brand new class
Will leave you with a "Wow!"

Publisher:
And don't forget, if you preorder today
We'll give you a sweet golden plough!

Journo:
Ahem!
Tweedle Dum:
But the Old Man /v/ winked his eye
And shook his virgin head
He knew too well this was no deal
To shed his hard earned bread

Old Man /v/:
These games are shit,
Should choke on it.
Play Metroid Prime instead.

Journo:
Silence, silence, ignore the cis scum, uh, ha, ha!
The time has come, my little goys!
To talk of other things
Of cats and guns and Mountain Dew
Of DLCs and Pests
And why the eye sees 20 frames
And whether girls have breasts, haha!
Calloo-Callay
Come buy away!
With DLCs and Pests!

[Musical Intermission 2]

Journo:
Well, now, uh, let me see… Ah!
Diversity is what we chiefly need!

Publisher:
Listen, how 'bout some DRM, brown, and costumes, eh?

Journo:
Well, yes, yes, splendid idea, ha ha!
Very good, indeed
Now, if you're ready, Gamers, dear
We can begin the enrichment

Gamers:
Enrichment?!?

Journo:
Oh, yes…
The time has come, my little goys
To talk of Tumblr things

Publisher:
Of trans gay men and riding bulls
And social justice ways!
We'll mix 'em all together
In a game that's fit for pests!
Calloo-Callay
We'll shill today
Like DLCs and Pests!

Journo:
I, uh…
I, I weep for you. I (hic), oh, excuse me
I'm on the gamer's side
For I've checked my privilege
Oh, and I'd never ever lie

Publisher:
Little Gamers? Little Gamers?

Tweedle Dee:
But answer, there came none

Tweedle Dum:
And this was scarcely odd because

Both:
They'd been enriched
Every one!

Journo:
Hm… Well, uh… Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ahem, uh… The time has come!
Tweedle Dee and Dum:
With DLCs and Pests!
The End!