AiE: Friendship is Science Chapter 1

Take twenty two

Anon in Equestria: Friendship is Science
Chapter 1/?
>Day -13
>Wake up.
>Go to class.
>Help freshman with orientation.
>Sleep.
>Day - 5
>Wake up.
>Go to class.
>Have Friday staff meeting.
>Sleep.
>Day -2
>Wake up.
>Go to class.
>Call mother.
>Mother asks about girlfriend.
>Nothing on the horizon.
>Mother asks about marriage.
>Christ not again.
>Sleep.
>Day -1
>Wake up.
>Feel sick.
>You never get sick.
>Call Dean and cancel class.
>Something is seriously wrong.
>Can't move out of bed.
>Wrong, fall out of bed.
>Stand up, fall back down.
>Throw up, into clothes bin.
>Fuck.
>Stomach feels like it is on fire.
>Arms weigh a ton.
>Start to try to call for help.
>Light streaming in from the window starts to fade.
>Look down at body.
>WTF, legs are gone.
>Great now you are hallucinating.
>Black out.
Day 1
>Well at least you feel much better.
>You are lying in bed, must have crawled back up sometime last night.
>It is a little cold though.
>You peak your head above the covers.
>Ohh, you are still dreaming.
>Up go the covers again.
>Never had a lucid dream before.
>Well might as well make the best of it.
>You take down the covers and look around.  All the normal things in your room are there: dresser, bookcase, computer, etc.  Nightstand to the side of the bed like normal.  Clock on nightstand like normal. Clock not on, not normal.  Something smells like shit, not normal.  Closet is gone, not normal.  Walls totally gone, definitely not normal.
>Instead it looks like someone set all your crap in the middle of a forest clearing.  A small bit of sunlight comes through were the canopy opens slightly.  What little sky you can see looks a decided shade of grey, and you can feel the air heavy with the rain.  As you look at the trees you get a decidedly sinister feeling.  These are not the happy stroll thru the park on a Sunday trees.  No these trees are kill a motherfucker, Tolkien, before the beginning of time trees.
Umm, HELLO?
>Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.  You have never been known to have the happiest, full of cupcakes and sunshine dreams.  Could be why you stay up all hours of the night, sometimes for days on end.
>Fuck it, what are you going to do, sit in bed until you wake up?
HEY IS ANYONE THERE?
>You slide out the side of the bed, and your feet hit the ground.  Your socks soak up all the moisture from the grass and become an uncomfortable soggy mess.  You go to your hamper for clean clothes, and now you know where the smell was coming from.
>Everything in the hamper is a yellow, gold, chunky, stanky jumble.  You slightly remember heading to the bathroom and not making it last night, but why or why couldn't you have just thrown up on the floor.
>So now you have nothing clean to wear.  You wander over to the dirty pile that would usually be leaning in the corner of the room and grab the least smelly pants and shirt you can find.  You grab some socks and half hopping, half leaning on the bed you put on your shoes and the non trench foot giving dry socks.
>You decided that one direction is as good as another as set out toward an opening you see in the tree line.
>After a good half a mile, you are worn out.  Usually all you need to walk in one day is from your car to a classroom and vice versa.  Every once in a while you give out a shout, but the only thing that happens is the forest quiets down for a short while, before starting up with its usual sounds.
>Suddenly the trees break and a vast field of bright blue flowers stand before you.  Wow finally something that doesn't look all sinister.  You lean down and take a deep whiff, and the scent of some clean springtime flower fills your nose.
>"I think you will find that was not wise, for you will soon be in for a great surprise."
>You whirl around and take a look at whoever had snuck up behind you.  It takes a second, as what you were looking for stands about a foot and a half below where you were expecting.
>A small zebra mixed with some kind of African neck ring lady stands before you.  Her face only comes up to slightly up to your chest.  She (you guess it is a girl, certainly looks and sounds like one) sounds like some kind of voodoo priestess from some Caribbean hellhole.
>"I did not mean to give a chill; I would never wish anypony ill."
That's cool, just a lil surprised is all.
>"What you have smelled is called poison joke, for all that touch it soon wish they had croaked."
>Now you are worried.
So I'm poisoned then?
>"Not to fear, a cure I have here," the Zebra motions her head for you to follow her.
>Turning away from you the Zebra starts to walk back into the forest.
K, well thank you then. So, do you have a name?
>"Zecora is my name, zebra with many gold bands.  What are you called in your own land?"
My name is Anon, short for Anonymous, the only thing I can think of that rhymes is Hippopotamus.
>"Well Anon, if that is what you are called, we must hurry so as to not be forestalled."
>As you follow behind you get the strangest thought.  This certainly does not feel like any dream you have been in before.  You try to remember that stupid lucid dream stuff you read about years before.  Something about testing the dream or some shit.  Leaning against walls, or reading not working or something like that.  Your books are all in that clearing and it is too dark to easily read in the forest anyway so the previous option it is then.  You try to fall through a tree but it seems to be pretty solid.  You push against the tree trying to fall through but the only thing that happens is Zecora turns and gives you a strange look.
>"What in the world could you be trying to do, please listen you must ensue."
That's a pretty shitty rhyme.
>"Try doing this all day, and you will know what kind of price I must pay."
So what, you are forced to only speak in rhyme?
>"The more we speak, the longer you must soak, to be cured from the curse of the poison joke."
>That shuts you up, and you decide to follow behind in silence.  After what could be an hour of increasingly hot and wet weather you come to what you think the opposite of a normal tree house would be.  It looks like someone hollowed out a tree and decided to live inside.  This isn't some My Side of the Mountain bullshit either; it seems to be just like a normal house only with a strangely living tree (which should be impossible since whoever built the house in essence removed the tree's circulatory system).  Your suspicions of voodoo are confirmed for certain as well with bottles and little hexes hanging both on the exterior tree limbs as well as from inside the house.
>Zecora walks up to the door and opens it, "Come inside as quick as you please, and we will be sure to get rid of this disease."
You know I really don't feel bad at all.
>"Before you can decide, it might be best if you take a look inside."
>As you go in the golden ringed creature brings out a mirror and you decide on the spot to do whatever this zebra thing tells you to do.  While never the most cleanly of Anons, you look like ZZ Top ran a train on a Sasquatch, with hair coming out of every available spot on your body (well at least you know why you are so hot now).  The hair on your body doesn't even have the decency of being one color, with blues and reds mixed in with your normal hair color.
ACK, GET IT OFF!
>"Now before I let you stay, there is a price you must pay."
>Yep you knew this was too good to be true.
>"What species are you, for I may be able to use it to mix potions true."
>Ohh, that's not so bad.
I am of species Homo sapiens, it means wise man. I really suck at this rhyming plan.
>"Of that I have no knowledge, unless I know of it in another language.  That is most unfortunate, for I was hoping to use your hair for potions almost infinite."
I'm fine with you taking as much as I want, but first you gotta tell me what is up with this rhyming thing.
>She sighs, "When I was removed from my homeland a curse most potent was placed, so I could never speak with my former grace.  For speaking the truth against vile oppressors, they tried to make it so I could never have any successors."
Oh.  Sorry.
>"It is fine, I did have many ideological children, now climb in this giant cauldron."
Wow, that's another shitty one.
>She snorts and turns away while you jump in.  While she prepares some seemingly random herbs and places them with water into the makeshift bath/cooking pot.  After hiking for hours the bath feels wonderful with the added benefit of smelling far better than what you woke up to this morning.  Zecora cuts off some hair and places it in a small jar next to what looks to be newt eyes and toes of frogs.
>Just as you are really starting to feel good for the first time today, you hear a sound that wakes you up with a start.
>Tap.
>Oh fuck no.
>Tap. Tap. Tap.
>Please god no.
>Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
>Your computer, your tablet, your BOOKS!
>You start to get out of the bath, but Zecora pushes you back down (Surprisingly strong for such a small animal).
>"For at least the next two hours you will not move, unless you want your condition to never improve."
>Well shit.

>Five hours later (place was hard to find okay) you and Zecora are staring at your completely ruined husk of a computer.  Your emergency power supply had kept power going to the computer until the rain had hit and now the entire back half of the tower was a black mess.  Your tablet would not turn on at all.  Your books made it out the best with the book shelf providing at least some protection, but at least half were unreadable for a while.  You knew there was some way to fix water damage, but fuck if you knew what you were supposed to do.  Worst of all it looked like it was going to start raining again soon.
Zecora, is there any shelter around here where I can get my stuff out of the rain? Hopefully not hours away?
>"There is a library close by that is enclosed, but for years it has been closed." (God these a fucking annoying to write)
Well then they won't mind if store MY books there.  Besides on top of that, maybe they have a book on how to repair water damage.
>"That is not the worst part, of that I have yet to impart. The whole town is run by ponies most unfriendly, for months I have visited only to be treated most blandly.  Every time I go there to be ignored, with ponies hiding behind closed doors."
Well then I guess I will just have to sneak in at night.

>Be night time.  Full moon makes sneaking around much more difficult, but village in front of you seems to be quiet enough.
>All books piled in cart that Zecora let you borrow.
>Follow map that Zecora drew for you.
>Fuck those ponies for treating Zecora like shit.
>Thankfully it has not rained again.
>You sneak up on the edge of the town; Zecora had told you to be on the lookout for a house just like hers only much larger.  As you work you was around the silent town you see what can only be described as the most impressive structure you have ever seen.  This does look slightly like Zecora's house, but jacked up on steroids.  A mixture of the best parts Swiss Family Robinson and Adventure Time, you instantly fall in love with this house.  Another reason to distain ponies for not taking care of such an amazing library.
>As you sneak toward the tree house you start looking for ways to get in.  You rattle the windows but they all seem to be sealed shut.  There are more windows up higher but no way are you climbing up to them.  Lastly you try under the mat and find a key imbedded into the ground.  Score.
>As you reach out for the door you turn the knob.
>Door opens.
>Saw that coming.
>Slap head.
>You take a look around to see if anything saw you, but it looks clear.
>You go inside and are instantly impressed by the number of books.  You don't think you will have a problem finding one tomorrow on book repair.
>You separate the books into two stacks of semi-dry and wet books.  The wet pile looks much higher than the dry one.
>Tiredness washes over you.  Time to look for some place to sleep.
>As you wander around in the semi-darkness you are thankful for the full moon out tonight, which makes exploring not too difficult.  The tree house seems to be built on multiple levels with a kitchen in back and more book cases and rooms than you care to count.  While exploring upstairs you finally find what appears to be a bedroom.  The bed seems to be slightly smaller than your normal one, but you don't think your feet will hang too far off the end.
>You climb under the covers.
>You find a strange lump.
>A very large strange lump.
>A very warm large strange lump.
>You poke the very warm large strange lump.
>"Guhh?"
Guhh?
>The lump turns around and some very large purple eyes are looking right in your face.
>"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>You fall back out of the bed, and hear a large CRACK.
>Blackness.
End Chapter 1.

So I wanted to say that this is my first attempt at anything like this, and kind of goes against how I would normally do something.  Normally I would read something on fanfic, or writing structure cause it has been years since any sort of Lit class, so sorry for any grammatical errors (my friends hate when I play WoW cause half the time I will focus on research into min/maxing and turn off exp every other level so I don't miss anything, basically I NEED to research something to be comfortable with it).  I just really felt like writing something after reading maybe half of the pastbins (special recognition to Aether, Alighieri [write more dammit], bettyspaghetti, dashisbestpone[where did you go!?!], gadget, nameisjolly [love half your fluffy, double love the other half (Skitows)], PaleNarrator [personal favorite], and of course Sherminator).  Sorry for listing so many and I really do love others but this is already long enough.
Also I know that the best way for a new writefag to get in is to wait for a new post and not place it in the middle of an existing but I figured if it's good enough that shouldn't be a problem.