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Mørketidstriper - 0.57

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  1. Mørketidstriper, as features in Dagbladet, Norway's second largest tabloid Newspaper.
  2.  
  3. -
  4. Arsenic? Nei Takk. To for prisen av en?
  5.  
  6. *Death offers a bottle to a man.*
  7. Death: Arsenic?
  8. Man: No thank you.
  9. Death: Two for the price of one?
  10. *man buys and drinks bottle of Arsenic*
  11.  
  12. -
  13. Heidu! Agenten din her. Du vet det talenten ditt, som du prøver å level av? Folk vil heller se at du prøver på det og dummer deg ut, enn at faktisk mester det.
  14.  
  15. *Phone rings*
  16. Heidu's agent: Heidu! Your agent here. You know what your talent, you are trying to level off? People would rather see you try it and make a fool of yourself, than to actually master it.
  17.  
  18. // I think this joke was lost in translation.
  19.  
  20. -
  21. Du der! Er du lykkelig? Nei. Kjøp...Sokker drikk. Er du lykkelig nå? Nei. Kjøp en til.
  22. Television: You there! Are you happy?
  23. Viewer: No.
  24. Television: Buy...Sokker Drink!
  25. *Viewer has bought the drink*
  26. Television: Are you happy now?
  27. Viewer: No.
  28. Television: Buy another one.
  29.  
  30. -
  31. Er du Dødeb? Nei. Jeg er...din ubesluttsomhet. Hva vil du?
  32. Man: Are you Death?
  33. Cloaked figure: No... I am your indecision.
  34. Man: What do you want?
  35. *Cloaked figure stands silently*
  36.  
  37. -
  38. Problemer med damen, sier du? Jepp. Hun ble ikke helt fornøyd?  Kvinne-litteratur ønsket hun seg. Du ga henne kokebok, gjorde du ikke? Jepp.
  39.  
  40. Bartender: Problems with the lady, you say?
  41. Sad Drunk: Yep.
  42. Bartender: She was not completely satisfied?
  43. Sad Drunk: Female Literature, she wanted it.
  44. Bartender: You gave her cookbook, did you not?
  45. Sad Drunk: Yep.
  46.  
  47. -
  48. Ja, Dette er GPS'en for deg som vet hvor du skal men bare føler seg ensom. Til venstre kinarestaurant. Oj! Sørsiden av byen var pen på denne Tiden av året! Du vet... Jeg tror ikke noen ville savne meg, hvis jeg bare dro... og aldri kom tilbake.
  49.  
  50. Salesman: Yes, this is the GPS for you to know where to but just feel lonely.
  51. GPS: To the left Chinese restaurant. Oops! The south side of town was pretty at this time of year! You know ... I do not think anyone would miss me if I just went ... and never came back.
  52. // I don't get this one either.
  53.  
  54. -
  55. Ikke vaer lei deg. Husk: There is plenty of fish in the sea. Siste nytt: verdens hav er i krise. Krabber og maneter utrydd nesten all saltvansfisk på kloden. I dette øyeblikk er den kun en fisk igjen. Nei vent. Det var visst bare en kvist.  
  56.  
  57. Man: Do not be sorry. Remember: There is plenty of fish in the sea.
  58. Television: Latest news: the world's oceans are in crisis. Crabs and jellyfish eradicating almost all marine fish on the planet. At this very moment there is only one fish left. No wait. It seems that was only a twig.
  59.  
  60. -
  61. Fred på jord. Ok siste sjanse.
  62.  
  63. Man: Peace on earth.
  64. *Man throws coin into wishing well, waits for something to happen.*
  65. Man: Ok, last chance.
  66. *Man gets another coin from his pocket to try wishing again*
  67.  
  68. -
  69. åh, du vet... rettferdighet, frihet og likhet for det meste. Hva med dere? øøh, ... vi sloss for likhet, frihet, og rettferdighet.  Haha, så teit.  Er det rart vi aldri blir enige? Vi er som knoll og tott, vi to.  
  70.  
  71. Soldier one: Oh, you know... justice, freedom and equality for the most part. What about you?
  72. Soldier two: Ooh... we fought for equality, freedom and justice.
  73. Soldier one: Haha, so stupid. Is it any wonder we never agree?
  74. Soldier two: We are like tubers and tottering, we two.
  75.  
  76. // Tubers and tottering: best phrase ever?
  77. // Yes.
  78.  
  79. -
  80. God. Ond. God. Ond. God. Ond.
  81.  
  82. Rugged knight: Good.
  83. Skeleton demon: Evil.
  84. Dashing hero: Good.
  85. Mad engineer: Evil.
  86. Politician: Good.
  87. Nearly Identical Politician: Evil.
  88.  
  89. // They're just guys in suits, they might be businessmen instead of politicians.
  90.  
  91. -
  92. Her er to lister med alt du har gjort i livet. En med bra ting, en med dårlige.
  93. Skal vi se det gode: snek aldri i kø. Dårlige: kalte en fyr dust på internett. Kunne jeg gitt deg en sjanse til, skulle jeg virkelig gjort det.
  94.  
  95. *A woman stands before saint Peter at the gates of Christian Heaven*
  96. Saint Peter: Here are two lists of everything you've done in life. One with good things, one with the bad.
  97. *Woman reads the lists*
  98. Woman: Shall we see the good: never snuck in line. The bad: calling a guy jerk on the internet.
  99. * Woman looks up at saint Peter. *
  100. Saint Peter: Could I have given you a chance, I'd really made it.
  101.  
  102. // Saint Peter is saying the guy on the internet really was a jerk?
  103.  
  104. -
  105. Superbot, nok en gang reddet du menneskeheten. Hvordan føles det? Føles? Jeg er en robot, føler kun det jeg er programmert til å føle. Og hva er det? Hvert Minutt jeg ikke redder menneskeheten, foles som sløve verktoy mot oyeeplene.
  106.  
  107. Reporter: SuperBot, enough once you saved humanity. How does it feel?
  108. SuperBot: Feel? I'm a robot, I just feel what I am programmed to feel.
  109. Reporter: And what is that?
  110. SuperBot: Every minute I do not save humanity, it feels like blunt tool against the eyeball.
  111.  
  112. -
  113. Der vet den tingen du gjør i det populaer tv-spillet? Det hadde ikke fungert i virkeligheten.  Og dere vet den komedien alle så for noen år siden? Husker dere den morsomme scenen? Tusen takk for meg.
  114.  
  115. *A poster says "Open Mike - Nerd Night" *
  116. *Comedian in front of a microphone clears his throat.*
  117. Comedian: Where do the thing you do in the popular TV game? It had not worked in reality.
  118. *Audience laughs*
  119. Comedian: And you know it all that comedy a few years ago? Do you remember the funny scene?
  120. *Audience laughs*
  121. Comedian: Thanks a lot for me.
  122. *Audience applauds*
  123.  
  124. -
  125. Nammen- Satan! Du ropte? Hva, hæ? åh, du bare... glem alt dette.
  126.  
  127. *Man spills his drink on his shirt*
  128. Man: Satan!
  129. Satan: You called?
  130. Man: What, huh?
  131. Satan: Oh, you just.... Forget all this.
  132. *Satan disappears in a cloud of smoke*
  133.  
  134. // "Nammen-" isn't translating. At first I thought it was part of the curse, like "In the name of Satan!", but after searching Norwegian websites a little, I think it might be the sound someone makes when they're really enjoying the food they're eating, like "om nom nom" in English or "njam njam njam" in Serbian.
  135.  
  136. -
  137. Noen siste ord? Ja... Innsiden av halsen min lukter forjævelig. åh... seriøst? Er det Så ille, altså? Hvorfor skulle jeg lyve for deg?
  138.  
  139. Executioner: Any last words?
  140. Criminal: Yes... The inside of my neck smells always bloody.
  141. Executioner: Oh... seriously? Is it so bad then?
  142. Criminal:  Why would I lie to you?
  143.  
  144. // I think forjævelig might be something worse than "bloody", given that it's written in bold and it's making the executioner consider not killing the criminal. Unfortunately, English doesn't have a good word for the specific smell of old spoiled blood. Maybe rancid or putrid would work better.
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