diary of a slowly transforming dragon

Day 1: Rai says he feels scales under my fur. Been feeling really weird lately, like I don’t belong in this body. Anya says it’s called dysphoria. Going to start keeping a diary to keep track of whatever this is. Hope I don’t mistake it for my spellbook and start reading off my personal thoughts at a monster.


Day 2: Claws turning yellow, now that I’ve gotten the time to get a good look. Entire body has started itching. When I scratch at myself, I can feel them. Some children called me a kitsune and I wanted to cry.


Day 3: Still depressed from yesterday. Got this burning feeling inside that that’s not what I am. I feel like I’m a dragon and that’s what I want people to acknowledge me as. No physical change today. Still just itchy. Hoarding impulses have gotten worse. Trying my best to control them.


Day 4: No changes.


Day 5: Rai says we’re going to be going to a place where his family comes from next. I hope they’re okay with me being… whatever I am. I’m not sure anymore. Itching has gotten worse. Shoulders have started to hurt. Started really wanting to just sit there and talk to things instead of fighting them. Trying not to let that get in the way of things. I miss the desert.


Day 8: Shoulders still hurt. Claws are entirely yellow, now. Managed to talk our way out of a fight with some roadside bandits. Never thought I could do that, always thought Anya and Rai were the talkers. I guess Rai got what he wanted from them, though. That’s cool. Been horny a lot lately. I’ve really wanted to hoard furniture. I don’t know why. They say it’s ugly furniture, but I don’t think so. I wish I could thank Ma for the bag of holding she gave us when I left home. It’s been really useful.


Day 12: Haven’t written for a few days. Been distracted. It’s gone from the shoulders and started spreading down my back. I’m uncomfortable nearly all the time now. Rai left us at some place in the middle of a forest because he didn’t want us to come on a mission. I don’t know why. I haven’t been fucking up that bad, have I? Has he started to think I’m some kind of freak? I don’t blame him. There are all kinds of books in here and I can’t get Anya off the ceiling. Person who lives here is some kind of reclusive tree guy. He has four arms, isn’t that some rad shit? He’s nice to talk to, at least when I managed to get him to hold a conversation. There’s something that’s extremely attractive about him and I can’t tell if that’s me or whatever the hell my body is doing.


Day 13: Rai isn’t back yet. Anya has absorbed herself in a pile of books and I think she passed out in them. I built myself a book fort. It’s cozy in here. Tree man is still attractive. Still don’t know why. Talking has helped take my mind off things. I don’t know why talking has been so emotionally satisfying to me lately. Missing the desert again. Back is in agony now. It feels like something is trying to push its way out. All I want to do is lay here. And also fuck something. Bust mostly lay here. Not that it matters since Rai isn’t back yet. Trying not to let it show how much I’m hurting. Otherwise Anya will worry.


Day 14: A lady came by with a gigantic spider. I don’t think she can walk. She was very friendly and super willing to talk to me. I think she’s with tree guy. I don’t know why but something about it is almost upsetting. Like I want to hoard him and have him be mine. At the same time though I think she’s attractive too. I have no idea what this is about. I want it to stop. It’s really distracting along with the pain. It hurts a lot. Rai still isn’t back yet. Starting to get worried.


Day 15: Rai came back today, late. He looks beaten up and a bit of one of his horns got broken off. He keeps insisting he’s fine. I know better than to ask questions at this point. I have bigger things to worry about. Like the fact that my forehead and the sides of my face have started to ache too. He says we’re leaving in the morning, but I’m tired and my entire body hurts despite the fact that I’ve done absolutely nothing for the last three days. Keep thinking about the guy that lives here, and the lady. No idea what to do about it. Very tempted to hoard the chair I’m sitting in. Conversation continues to be emotionally satisfying.


Day 16: We left today and for some reason I felt really disappointed about it. Still feel like hot ass on a summer day. He says town isn’t too far from here. Good. Want to sleep more. Sleep and masturbate. What the fuck.


Day 19: Haven’t left the inn since we got here. Been sleeping a lot, haven’t remembered to write. Seems to suit Rai just fine. Don’t know what he’s protecting us from. Still in fucking agony. Tree gave me a couple of books to help me learn magic with, and an unmarked book he said to read if I was ever worried about Rai. I told him I would bring them back as soon as I could, he told me not to worry about it, they would come home when they were ready. I wonder what that means.


Day 24: I’ve been thinking about that tree and that lady. I still want to hoard them. I never even got their names. What is wrong with me. Apparently I’ve grown ridges down my back. No wonder it hurts so bad. Still don’t want to move. Going to force myself to go dungeon crawling with him anyway. I need to get up and move around. I can’t just keep laying here, eating and sleeping.


Day 30: im useless im worthless i hate myself and i want to die


Day 31: Woke up still upset and I wasn’t where I fell asleep. Woke up in a book fort, instead. No idea how I got here. Tree was waiting with tea when I woke up. Says the book sensed the tension and wanted to go home, and took me with it. Running my garbage mouth helped because of course it did. Apparently I’ve been getting killed over and over because I won’t stop trying to hold conversations with things. Still hate myself. Still want to die for real. Content to just lay here and suffer the pain. Fitting enough punishment, I guess.


Day 32: Feeling slightly less garbage today. Only slightly. Still haven’t been found. Hope they’re not worried. Quietly trying to come to terms with the fact that I want to fuck a tree. At least I know his name, now. We talked. Forced myself to do exercizes when I woke up. Regretted it.

Day 33: The lady came by again today. Now I know her name, too. She keeps the spider around ‘cause she can’t walk. It’s really hard to feel down on myself when I’m talking to her. It’s like talking to a literal rainbow. They probably think I’m dead by now. Right now I could care less. Still just want to lay here. Life is pain.

Day 34: Turns out four arms is pretty useful for finding out things like the fact that you’re literally growing wings. I woke up screaming and he took a look at me. No one told me growing wings hurts so bad. The physical contact was nice. It’s as close as I’m gonna get. I know you can’t hoard people but I want to really badly.

Day 35: Feeling better today. Emotionally, at least. Still would like to know why I’m growing wings. I still really wanna get that wood inside me. Heck. He said he had a sister somewhere around. I wonder if I should meet her. But that’s getting presumptuous. He probably doesn’t even like me. Neither of them do. I can feel it deep in the pits of my soul. I’m just a weird, freaky third wheel who Just sort of exploded into their lives by accident. No one wants that.

Day 36: He told me that I shouldn’t think that way about myself. I am completely boggled on how he knew that. Not going to ask questions right now. Just going to hope these fucking wings stop growing soon. I got a look in the mirror today. You can see them. Like, really see them. There are spikes and yellow-looking things sticking out of my face. I’m beginning to think it was a really good idea that the book brought me here instead of me going around like this in public. I look horrible and apparently I got like a foot taller overnight. Like some kind of demon or something. I’m just going to hide here until either this stops or Rai finds me. If he even wants to find me.

Day 37: Good news – Rai found me. Bad news – he found me because I woke up with my head stuck out of the highest window of this library. I guess I’m a dragon now. This is fine. No, really, this is fine. This feels… right. I don’t feel wrong anymore. I’m not in immense amounts of pain either. It took a little bit to learn how to polymorph back and forth, but… I’m comfortable with myself now. I have no idea how this happened, but it happened. I’m still trying to cope with all the weird new functions, and… instincts, and stuff. Not that I didn’t have that already, don’t get me wrong. It’s just tough to cope with. And to top it off I still have no idea whether or not it’s okay to hoard people.