Anon's excellent adventures in Tartarus pt10

In which Anon makes a friend.

>You are Anonymous, stranded in Tartarus and desperately searching for a way out.
>Also, unconscious. Seemed to happen a lot lately, you notice.
>You also notice something prodding you, nudging you roughly where the kidneys were.
>”Hellooooo…”
>Seems like somebody was trying to wake you up. Did you get captured or something? You weouldn’t be surprised. Humans are apparently a valuable commodity to the warring forces of Tartarsauce, seeing as you’ve been attempted to be taken alive before. Multiple times, in fact…
>You slowly return to the land of the “living”, groggily rising from the ground to a seated position. The poison’s apparently done a number on your vision, because all you can see is a grey and yellowish blob against a backdrop of reds and oranges.
>”You okay?”
“Mmglbuh.”
>lol_what_am_I_saying.gif
>”Drank the rainwater, didn’t you?
>You nod slowly, woozily rising to your feet. It takes a fair bit more effort than it should. Is this what it’s like to be drunk?
>“Silly, that stuff makes you all loopy!”
>No shit, Holmes. Any other findings?
“Ya don’t say?”
>A bright, genuine laugh rings from your new acquaintance’s lips, a foreign sound in Tartarus. Who the hell WAS this? Were you that funny?
>”Take it easy, big guy. It’ll get outta your system soon enough!” the mystery being says. You hear the the telltale sound of flapping wings, and she speaks again. “Ooh, your Phoenix buddy’s back! That’s really cool how he was keeping watch over you, he’s a great friend!”
>Christ, this chick sounds way too much like Pinkie to be real.
>You rub your eyes, trying to clear your vision, and nod in response. So birdbro survived? That was good to hear.
“Wait, what about the e-“
>You suddenly become aware of the fuzzy, warm mass on your head.
>With a d’awtastic little chirp, the Hatchling hops onto your shoulder, a crimson and scarlet fluffball of warmth.
>”Aaaaaaw, he’s sooo cute!” the voice coos, and you can practically hear her heart melting. This prompts you to look towards the source, a darkish grey unicorn mare, with peach colored eyes and a blond mane.
>Oddly enough, there was an ear-to ear grin on her face. And no, it wasn’t the rapeface kind, it was definitely the “that’sfuckin’adorable” kind. Huh.
>Something about this didn’t exactly strike you as coming from a pony sent to Tartarus. You’ll be sure to bring this up once you regain proper speaking ability.
>”So, nice to meet you, mister human! I’m Shadowbright! What’s your name?” she asks.
>Knowledge of humanity. So she’s been around here a while, whether you believe it or not.
“It’s A-“
>”Ooh, lemme guess! Anonymous, right?”
>Goddammit, how the fuck does everyone know?
>Explain_this_bullshit.png
“Uh, yeah. How’d you guess?”
>”Almost every human who comes down here’s name is Anon, silly! Isn’t that a common name for humans?” She asks, as you recall your previous encounters with Crime Dogs and the like. Almost all of them mentioned other humans, even other anons.
>Christ, when did your memory turn to shit?
>You glance up, seeing her giggle as the phoenix perched on her back attempts to preen her mane. You figure you might as well get the question out of the way now.
“So, you seem like a pretty nice pony. What’re ya doing down here?”
>She gives you a quizzical look, eyes narrowing in confusion. “What do you mean?”
>You shrug, gesturing to the surrounding landscape.
“You know, here. Tartarus. Land of eternal torment for the souls of the damned. Doesn’t sound like you’d belong.”
>”Oooooooh…” she says, suddenly comprehending.

>”Weee~eeellll, this one time I was fooling around making shadows and stuff…”
>Interesting, An umbrakinetic.
>You lean in, listening intently. How would messing around with shadows get her stuck down here? Last you checked, Darkness wasn’t necessarily evil…
>”So I reeeeeeally concentrated hard, and made a really dark and spooky one! It was the darkest one I ever made! And when I looked in, I kinda stumbled and fell…”
>okay wat
So… how, exactly does this lead to you winding up here?
>”Hush you, I’m getting to that.”
>…
>Did she just—
>”So aaaaanyways, I fell in to the shadow…”
>What in the name of Zeus’s overused dick are you listening to?
>”And when I finally got out of the blackness, I was in here! Toodlesnaps!” she says, giving an ear to ear grin, apparently unaware of her misnaming of the dimension.
>…
“You mean Tartarus, right.”
>”Yeah, Tiddlywinks!” she says, nodding rapidly.
“No… Tartarus.”
>”Mmhm! Turtlesnacks!” she replies, blissfully unaware of her mistake.
“Tartarus.”
>”Right, Tomatosauce!” she says with a laugh. “I’ve been down here a while, Anon. I know what this place called, silly.”
“But you… never mind. How long have you been down here?”
>”Oh, a couplea years, now. All the dogs and griffons and ponies keep saying this place is real bad, but if you just keep your chin up and see the brighter side of things, it can be really fun!”
>A couple of years in Tartarus? Fun? How in the fuck does that work?
“How do you figure? Is running from giant monsters fun to you?”
>She laughs, shaking her head. “Of course not! The fun’s in playing hide and seek with them!”
>At this point, you’re just incredulous as hell. Playing Hide and Seek with predatory animals, and no camouflage or somesuch?
“How?”
>She tilts her head in an almost puppylike manner, confused at your lack of specifics. “How what?”
>You rise, albeit a little shakily, and elaborate. One of these days you’ll manage to into talking right.
“How is being hunted being fun? Moreover, how the hell do you even manage to hide from them? Shouldn’t they still be able to hear you and stuff?”
>”Oh, that’s easy!” she says, perking up. “I just hide in the shadows! I can mess around with those, remember? Watch!” she says, trotting over.
>Her horn wrapped in a yellowish-gold aura, she steps inside your shadow and vanishes.
>A moment later, the unicorn pokes her head out, and you’re tempted to laugh at the absurd sight of a disembodied head floating there and grinning at you.
>”Neat, huh? That’s why I’m the Tinkleblinks Hide-and-Seek Champion, two or three years running!” she proudly proclaims, stepping fully out of your shadow and into view once more. “Never been caught!”
>You contemplate this for a moment.
“How does it take care of the other senses, then? Most animals don’t just rely on sight. They also have smell and stuff, too.”
>”Oh, well the shadow and surroundings manage to mask the smell well enough, and I just stay reeeeeally quiet when I’m hiding, like everypony knows you should!”
>Fair enough, you suppose.
“Okay, so you’re able to make getting chased by stuff that wants to eat you into a game. How do you handle all the warring factions that’ll try and capture you to use you for slave labor and such?”
>”Oh, that’s easy! I just be nice to them and they’re usually nice to me back.” She explains, nonchalantly waving a hoof.
>Bullshit.
“And if they aren’t?”
>”Oh, well I just hide from them, too! But they’re usually okay.”
>You aren’t sure who’s insane here. Her for saying all this, or you for actually kind of buying it. Either way, Tartarus has taken its toll on somebody’s mind, as it is wont to do.
>You hear sound similar to rustling, and feel a small weight disappear from your right shoulder as the baby phoenix flutters down onto Shadowbright’s back, greeting its parent with a happy chirp.
>D’aaaw.png
>The charcoal grey mare pipes up once more. “So, how’d you make friends with these guys? They don’t normally like people because they usually try to steal their eggs and stuff. What did you do to get on good terms with ‘em?” she asks, curiously gazing at you.
“Funny you should mention that. I actually kinda ended up protecting the little guy’s egg from a few egg-thiefs. Tree got knocked down by a monster chasing me, I managed to lose it. Hid inside the nest.”
>”How’d you stay outta its sight long enough to hide?” she asks. “I mean, I only need like a second, but you can’t disappear like me, can you?”
>You gesture to the crimson raptor perched on her back.
“I had a distraction.”
>”Oh,” she says, nodding in comprehension. “So you managed to drive off the bad guys?”
>You put on an expression of deep thought, trying to see what you can remember of your confrontation.
“Not really. I managed to take down to before the griffon started messin’ me up something fierce.”
>You jerk a thumb to the slowly healing gash over your eye as you say this, and she grimaces in sympathy.
>”That doesn’t sound like fun…” she mumbles. “That’s one reason why I don’t like fighting…”
“You’re tellin’ me. At least you can hide and stuff. I’m like a fight magnet.”
>”I can tell…”
”Hey!”
>”What?” she asks, slightly recoiling at your indignant shout. “You’ve got a lot of bruises and scratches and stuff. That usually means you’ve been through a lot of fights, I thought.”
>You fold your arms with a harrumph. Stupid ponies and their stupid logic. Stupid not meaning anything by what they say.
>Wow, you’re grumpy today. Is this because you got your ass kicked? Man, if you had your sword, you could have totally—
>You scan your surroundings. Where is your sword? It’s not where it should be. Does it turn invisible? No, that would be silly.
>”Lose something?” Shadowbright asks. “Maybe I could help ya find it.” She offers.
“Sword, about this long, has a black blade with white swirlies on it, gold hilt. Seen it anywhere?”
>”Sorry, haven’t.” she says with an apologetic smile. “What do ya think happened to it?”
>You grumble, irritated. There was one -really- likely solution to THAT problem.
“Fagwings probably stole it.”
>The unicorn headtilts again. “Fag… Wings?” she asks, visibly confused by the moniker. “Who’s that?”
>You sigh. Perhaps you shouldn’t expect other denziens of tortoi—TARTARUS, fuck, now she’s got you doing it. Whatever. You still should probably keep the nicknames to yourself.
>You’re pretty sure that none of your potential comrades would get half of them, anyway.
>You raise a hand about three inches above your head, and elaborate, albeit in a rather laconic manner.
“Humanoid guy. Skin looks like lava. Black armor. Rainbow wings. Head looks like a cuttlefish or something.”
>”Oh,” she says, nodding her head. “Strife! I know him!”
“Yeah, that guy. He probably stole the sword after the poison made me lose consciousness. Seemed dickish enough.”
>”Well, he does feed upon conflict and suffering and stuff.” She adds helpfully.
>Okay, really?
>Real original, Tartarus.
>”So, what’re ya gonna do about it?” she asks.
>You sigh. What WERE you gonna do about it? You’re faced with a potential dilemma here.
“I dunno.”
>”Well, that certainly won’t get you anywhere.”
>No shit.
“I know that, I’m just not sure what to do. Part of me wants to go find him and take my sword back, but the other says to just say ‘fuck it, can’t waste time on not getting out of here ASAP.’”
>You shrug.
“You got any ideas?”
>”Well, why exactly are you down here?” she asks, giving you an odd look. Funny. What the hell did this have to do with anything?
“Apparently I died after protecting Equestria from a great evil.”
>Her eyes narrow. “Such as?”
>Oh, you get it. She’s trying to tell whether she should help you escape or not. Cleverer than you first took her for, but yet another thing that contradicts all that you’ve learned of Tartarus’s denizens and their demeanors.
> Anyone else would have leapt at the chance to escape, surely. Perhaps there was more to this Unicorn than she let on…
“Does the name ‘Discord’ ring a bell?”
>Her eyes are saucers. “Woah, really? You beat HIM? I heard he got out of his prison and was put down in like two days, but I always thought it was the Elements of Harmony that did him in, not a human!”
>Jesus Christ that mouth of hers can move with the speed of Kenyan auctioneers. It takes you a few minutes to figure out just what the hell that all was.
“So he’s beaten? Good to know.”
>”You mean you didn’t—“
“Nah. Just wore him out enough for the elements to finish him off, sounds like.”
>Thank you, bipedal human god.
>The ponies ARE safe.
>Well, that was a load of good news. You were a little worried about not knowing the outcome of the battle.
>So incidentally, you’re back at square one. With this, knowledge, are you sure you can’t afford to waste time?
>… No, you can’t. You don’t exactly remember where from, but you know that Tartarus and the overworld time have no concept of synchronization. A second spent down here could mean a day up top.
>How much could you allow yourself to miss? A year or two? What if entire generations went by in the time you spent talking with Shadowbright?
>Oh god, what if all your non-alicorn friends were already dead and buried? What if even Celestia and Luna had passed?
>Oh god, no…
>”…You doing all right?” Shadowbright asks, perturbed by your silence and thousand yard stare.
“All of them… dead…”
>You suddenly feel something jab into your side, snapping you out of your trance. “Snap outta it!” the unicorn urges, prodding your ribcage with her horn once more. “You can’t let the bad thoughts get to ya. It’ll drive you bonkers.”
>She’s right. You’ve seen this before. Ponies, dawgs, even griffons, all reduced to a gibbering mess…
“Thanks for that.”
>So it would appear grey pone has experience with Tartarus’s dangers. A most useful trait in a companion.
>”So, if you’re looking to get out, your best shot is the gate at the very center of tinkleblinks. That’s anywhere between a week and two’s trot from here, depending on what we run into…” she mumbles.
“You know the way from here?”
>She grins. “Of course, silly! I know this place like the back of my hoof, I’ve been all over!” she reassures you. “So I’m guessing you want me to show you the way?”
“Sure, lead on.”