Anon in Equestria - Sweet Apple Acres

(Originally written Oct. 14-16 2014)

>Deeply inhale the Equestrian air and stare off into the horizon as the sun is setting
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>Fucking apple trees everywhere
>Walk up to one and pick your first apple in Equestria
>Decide to go for a walk to explore the surroundings while you enjoy your freshly picked apple
>Hear something approaching from behind
>Turn around just in time to see Applejack fully positioned to kick you into next week
>You begin to sweat profusely
"Oh lordy dat as-"
>You are kicked unconscious

>As you slowly begin to come to, you notice you are tied up to a chair and blindfolded
>You can hear banter going on around you
>"Why can't I keep 'im? I promise I'll take care of him and-"
>"Applebloom, I already said no! Quot your fussin' and go back to your room! This don't concern you no how."
>"But..."
>"I said now!"
>"Applebloom, get your keister upstairs before I find it in me to hogtie somepony else tonight!"
>Upon hearing this, you begin to sweat again
>A loud "hmph" and heavy footsteps were the only response you heard from the juvenile, followed by the slamming of a door
>"So granny, what do ya say we do with him? It's getting mighty late for us to still be discussing this."
>"Hmm... I'm not so sure at the moment. Perhaps we should all just get some shut eye and come back to it in the mornin'."
>She walks behind you and tightens your bounds with a tug of the rope
>"Hehe, hes's not going nowhere."
>"Alright granny... If you think he'll be fine down here all night."
>As Applejack turns around to head upstairs, she hesitates
>"Wait... what if he wakes up while we're asleep? What if he tries to escape?"
>"Oh quit your frettin', I'll be down here all night to watch him."
>Applejack gulps audibly
>"Um... are ya sure granny? I could-"
>"Yes I'm sure! Now go to bed! Leave me be for the night! Same goes for you too Mac! Or would either of you rather spend a night alone with the mysterious-"
>"EENOPE!"
>"Uh, on second thought, that's okay granny, you do seem to have everything under control! We'll leave ya to it, have a good night!"
>Both Applejack and Big Mac try to go upstairs at the same time hurriedly, pushing and shoving each other in the process
>"Just give us a shout if you need anything!" Applejack said from upstairs
>"Feel free not to!"
>You hear the loud sound of Applejack's hoof meeting Big Mac's cranium
>"Shut up Mac!"
>As the doors upstairs close, the room becomes silent
>The silence is abruptly broken by giggles coming from upstairs

>Granny Smith begins speaking to interrupt the questionable sounds of roughhousing emanating from Applejack's room
>I know you're awake. You're awful silent for a space invader."
"Wait, what? I'm not a space invader. And how did you know I regained consciousness?"
>"Well, it weren't too hard to tell with that bananer in your pocket! That wasn't there when I brought you inside."
>You start to sweat again
"Yeah, banana... I'm actually feeling really hungry. Could you get it out for me? I'm a little tied up at the moment."
>"Quit your foolin', I know that ain't no banana. I ain't loose in the noodle!"
"Oh..."
>You start to think that she might actually be onto you and your little buddy, but then you think again about who you're talking to and what she thinks you are
"So what is it then?"
>"It's obviously some sorta antenna to make contact with your buddies on your space vessel! And if I expose it, it'll lead 'em straight here! The fate of Equestria is in my hooves right now, and you ain't tricking this ol' pony no time soon."
>"You're actually surprised by how convoluted her idea of you is
"Ah, you got me. So what are you gonna do? You can't keep me tied up here forever. I mean, you could, but I can already tell your obvious desire to understand me won't allow that."
>"Shut it ya aleen! I'm the one askin' the questions here!"
"But-"
>"I said zip it! Or do I need to zip it for ya? I got tape and I don't mind just asking closed ended questions."
"Tape? But how are you gonna use it with-"
>You are swiftly interrupted by the sudden sound of unraveling duct tape
"Okay okay, ask your questions. But keep the tape out, it's kinda hot."

>"Well for starters... what're your name?"
"Anonymous."
>"A non a moose?" You sure don't look like no moose I ever seen."
"Yeah, that's just what the 'non' suggests, y'know?"
>"Don't you try gettin' all snarky with me alien! Imma just call you Anon."
>You roll your eyes indistinguishably
"Fine. That works. Whatever."
>Granny gets up from her chair and walks over to you
>"What's the matter puddin'? Feeling upset about how you and your buddies failed this here conquest? It's okay to know you were outsmarted by a couple o' apples. Wits run in the family."
>You could easily break out of the rather worn ropes hse had used to tie you up, but that would spoil the fun
"Yes... I'm all torn up about it."
>She grins and pats you on the head with her hoof, which hurts a little
>"Don't you worry one bit! Soon your space buddies will be caught too, and you'll have a nice little reunion! 'Cept it won't be atop the ashes of Equestria, so I guess you can't look forward to that."
>She laughs heartily
>You sit there like a 7 year-old that just got coal for Christmas
>Before you could provide any sort of retort, your stomach begins to rumble
>Upon noticing this, Granny stares at your stomach and looks at you
>"Woee, I hadn't believed ya when you said you were hungry. What do you aliens like to eat?"
"Thanks for asking. I could really go for some horse pu-"
>"Oh shoot, of course! I'll just whip up some of the spaghetti leftovers in the fridge!"
"Um... I think I had more than enough of that on my home planet."
>"Nonsense Anon! Believe ol' Granny when she says nopony's lived 'til they've tried her spaghetti!"
>You mumble under your breath
"They probably hadn't died before they tried it either..."
>"What was that Anon?"
"I said they probably hadn't died before they tried it either!"

>You smile mockingly at the old pony, but she seems completely unphased by your remark
>"That's the spirit! I'll be right back with a nice hot bowl fer ya!"
>Her warm reception actually just ruins your mood again
>You sit there for a few minutes, bored completely out of your mind as Granny works her magic in the kitchen
>Before long, you hear returning hoofsteps
>She slides the bowl off of the tray she is holding into your lap
"Thank you."
>"You're veeeery welcome Anon!"
>You both sit there for a couple of seconds as silence once again saturates the room
>Your mouth is actually watering at the smell of hot spaghetti, and has been since she went into the kitchen
>You couldn't bare to just sit here any longer without at least filling your gut in the process
"Um... could you feed me? I shouldn't have to mention that I can't really do it myself at the moment."
>The incredible heat from the bowl in your lap is beginning to seep through your pants
"Hello? Granny?"
>The heat is approaching agonizing levels
>"Say you're sorry Anon."
"What?"
>"Take back what you said about my down-home cooking!"
>Given the current predicament, you couldn't really find it in yourself to be a smart ass
"Okay! I'm sorry for implying that anyone would even try your spaghetti, let alone drop dead from it!"
>Okay, you had the willpower for one more
>"Anon!"
"Alright alright, bad habits! I'm sorry! Just please remove the bowl before it chars my antenna!"
>Granny takes the bowl out of your lap and places it on the ground, then removes your blindfold
>You immediately look at her, then the bowl on the ground
>It's empty. Fucking empty.

"You... brought me an empty bowl to eat."
>"I said I'd be back with a hot bowl for ya, no thanks to your attitude! Two can play at that game! I don't know how it works with ya'll up there in space, but down here we treat other ponies with some respect when we're invited inside as guests!"
"Right... invited. I almost forgot my manners. Thank you for 'inviting' me in ma'am. May I please have some of your delicious-smelling spaghetti?"
>"Now that's more like it Nonnie."
>You raise your brow
"Did you just call me Nonnie?"
>She reacts with a blush and stumbles on her words
>"Well... I uh... You alien ears must be malfunctioning or somethin'."
>You chuckle, but your stomach interrupts you once again
>Very rood
>"Oh, I almost forgot! I'll be back in a jiffy!"
>She begins her return to the kitchen, but halts
>"Oh, and another thing Anon..."
>"Yes?"
>"Welcome sonny."
>A genuine smile creeps upon your face
"Um... thank you."
>She smiles jovially and makes her way back into the kitchen
>"Oh, and before Applejack and Big Mac wnet upstairs for the night I actually untied the knot. You can follow me to kitchen if you'd like."
>The ropes come off almost effortlessly
>You stand up and dust yourself off, then notice a pony eavesdropping from the stairs
"Uh..."
>"Applebloom! What're you doing?!"
>The foal makes her way down the last bit of stairs to explain herself
>"I just wanted to check on him to make sure he was okay... I thought he'd be gone by the time I woke up."
>Granny takes Applebloom into her embrace
>It'll be alright sweetums, Anon's gonna be staying for a while. Ain't that right?"
>You scratch your head
"I guess... a few nights couldn't hu-"
>At once you are attack hugged by the most excited foal you'd seen since your arrival
>She knocked you clear off your feet and winded you
>"Oh thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!"
>You stroke her mane as she buries her muzzle into your chest

(Ended it here at first, but later continued the story as anons showed an interest in seeing it so; I'll edit that in later)