Rogue One

Problem 1) Diversity and lots of it. Aggressively diverse, even. Che Guevara, or whatever the black guy's name is, has an entire squad of bomb throwing, turban wearing, gibberish speaking terrorists who stage attacks in the middle of crowded markets on a desert planet. Whoops!

Rebel council is nearly all women, brown people, or aliens, because apparently the Empire are Nazi white supremacists now, and only a ragtag band of diverse social justice warriors can save the Galaxy!.. There's even an extended scene of an angry black woman shouting at a white man for failing at his job. This scene is intercut with unusual still shots on the face of a chubby black man looking concerned but saying nothing.

In the space battle scene, the rebel fleet now has female pilots, black pilots, AND asian pilots!

Problem 2) Accents - 90% of the characters have accents and you can't understand any of them.
Jin "Not Rey" Olro - Some kind of british, but that sort of fakey british that Rey had. Also, she's angry, doesn't want to join the rebels, wants to run away from her responsibilities, and fights with a stick for one scene.

Captain Casio - Some kind of frenchman who was told by the evil balding old white man to kill Jin's father. He's bland and annoying and was likely Jin's love interest before the reshoots.

Poo-in-the-Loo - Native boy from the 5th of 6th desert planet in the Star Wars Universe. Since he's brown, like Finn, he had the courage to defect from the Empire, who has no other brown people in it.

Donnie Yen - Asian not-Jedi with a really bad, annoying prayer that he says as fast as possible. Somehow, his painted stick with metal baubles on it can knock out fully armored stormtroopers. He's not the worst character, but he's hard to understand most of the time. I don't think we actually hear his name clearly in the movie until his death scene.

Mongolian Heavy Weapons guy - Donnie Yen's friend who is just along for the ride. Like Donnie, his motivations are never really explained, but he hangs around and he's pretty cool the whole way through. He doesn't say much but when he does, you don't understand any of it. He dies in a really unsatisfying way, moments after Donnie Yen.

Dads Mikkelsen - He talks like Mads Mikkelsen, so every other word is quiet and mumbled. He's barely in the movie and dies for seemingly no reason.

Oh yeah and Black Robot man - He's an angry extremist who cut ties with the rebels. How he's TOO EXTREME for them is never said, but he leads a bunch of terrorists and talks in the most inexplicably stilted and unusual way. It's heavily implied that he's wearing some kind of Iron Lung suit, but he's just sort of wheezy and incoherent.

Problem 3) Storytelling! First half of the movie is garbage. Jin's backstory is summed up in the scene where some Empire guy shows up and takes Dads Mikkelsen, shoots his wife who thinks she's somehow going to stop an Empire Officer and his compliment of stormtroopers with a small blaster, and then gives up on finding his daughter. Then we flash forward and Jin is in prison. Then we jump to captain Casio who straight up kills some guy who was helping him. Then we're back to ~~Rey~~ Jin and she's being sent somewhere. Why was she arrested? What did she do? Why didn't they just kill her? WHO KNOWS!

Then Captain Casio and K2 show up and save her, because they knew EXACTLY where she was. K2 is fucking great, by the way. I'd watch an entire movie about a sassy spy Droid.

This part of the movie is pointless, because when they finally meet angry black man, who was torturing Poo-in-the-Loo for some reason, he shows them a hologram that tells them exactly where they should go and what they should do. Turns out Dads Mikkelsen purposefully built that exhaust port that blows up the whole Death Star ''on purpose''!

Jedha is partially blown to fucking pieces and angry black man dies because there's this subplot about the Empire guy wanting recognition for building the Death Star... Get this.. Apparently the Empire built the WHOLE GODDAMNED MOON SIZED DEATH STAR WITHOUT KNOWING IF IT WOULD WORK OR NOT.

Then they go to some rainy planet to save Dads Mikkelsen and he dies after some dumb, inexplicable shit happens. Jin gets mad at Casio because she thought he was going to kill her Dad, and they argue about this moments after her Dad was killed anyways, because the Rebels showed up.

After ALL OF THAT SHIT.. They finally get to the plot: Get the Death Star Plans. The thing they were supposed to do from the start. They go to some Empire planet and sneak in, and then the movie gets pretty good. It's effectively a mix of the Rogue Squadron and Battlefront videogames happening concurrently, and it's hands down the best fucking thing they do all movie. It's this great back and forth with ships being smashed into each other while X-wings are blowing up AT-ATs and rebel soldiers are gunning down Stormtroopers.. If every movie they make from now on has a second half as good as this, I'd actually consider seeing them.

Part 4) Everyone dies! Nope. No loose ends here! Don't want to blow any more of that CGI or makeup budget on aging up any of these actors. The only deaths that even really made me care were K2's and Donnie Yen's. And just in case you had any hope that they might keep some of these characters alive and bring back the really cool ones.. They Death Star the fucking planet and nuke everyone out of existence. They don't ''need to'' do that, but they do anyways. It's effective a full tabula rasa on everything that happened. Rebels still get the plans, but everyone involved is fucking vaporized for good measure.

Now, we all knew this was coming, but all the same, we were expecting something better. A twist or something, so we can feel like this was an attempt to fill out the story, instead of just cashing in on a small gap in time that was meaningless anyways.

Part 5) The Force. Remember how Jedis and the Force and all that stuff was just silly superstition? How it was so far removed from the Galaxy that even high ranking Empire officers, who were probably around for the Clone Wars, think it's just silly made up shit? Yeah, well now everyone knows what the Force is and everyone is constantly saying "may the force be with you!" or shit like that. Because everyone not only respects Jedi religion, but believes in it and uses their prayers and shit!

First half: Trash.
Second Half, once the battle starts: Only thing worth seeing in this mediocre poop-heap.