Alice-More

Something some cis people don't seem to grasp is that when I was raped as a child and subject to physical beatings that comprised negative pavlovian conditioning, all of that abuse made me MORE femme, not less: it made me MORE femme as a trans girl that wasn't allowed to transition, far more in mannerisms and speech and inability to defend myself, etc.  Why?  Because that's just what happened.

People have this idea if I get raped enough I will "detransition" or some nonsense: no such thing will occur; I will become MORE Femme, not less.  The whole reason I became more butch after puberty was due to the effects of puberty but also due to the fact that I realized that at some point, if I wanted to kill/murder/maim/torture, due to not being myself because of trying to suppress the real me (Alice/Sarah/Violette whatever you want to call it), that I was going to have to butch up as much as I could and learn how to kill and maim people as much as possible.  The reasoning was that, someday, I would be myself (in the back of my mind I was thinking this) and I knew that due to being assigned male at birth no one would protect me.  Why?  Because no one protected me in childhood from that child rape and beatings from my parents (mainly dad) and no one did protect me in elementary when I was getting my assbeat and called a faggot and a nigger relentlessly as well.

I learned in childhood that no one would protect me and no one was interested in who I was as a person.... Most of you reading this have continued to prove to me that this is still mostly the case in this Society.  It must frustrate you to know I don't care that people who don't view me as a femme person (much less a femme woman) are desiring me sexually.  Why?  Because you aren't interested in me as a person, therefore any sex with you would just result in emotional damage and even trauma in some cases to me psychologically.

What you fail to understand is that I will never be detransitioning and you will never have sex with me.  One day I will obtain all of my surgeries or die trying, and the more Aliens or Humans or whomever rapes me the more I will just laugh and become more FEMME as a result of this activity =)

Humans really are stupid.  As far as the Aliens, well, they're assholes sometimes for sure, but they've never disrespected my gender identity WHILE raping me; they've even told me they rape me BECAUSE I'm a woman they find attractive.  Human beings on the other hand....  I'm not sorry to say I will pick society with Aliens every single time.


-Sara