The Crippling Pain Inside

>So there you sat, in your recliner.
>You felt empty, powerless.
>Like there was nothing any more that could help you feel, help you yourself be happy.
>You sat back, and grabbed a small glass of hard cider from the stand next to your seat.
>You took a deep swig, one of your many you have taken this evening.
>You are Pinkie.
>And you are not sure of what to do with yourself.
>You feel helpless in every way.
>The things you do, the parties you throw.
>Everyone loves them.
>They have a good time, they laugh.
>And they see you and praise you.
>But they never look past the parties.
>Your bouncy pink mane and bright smiles.
>Maybe it was for the best,
>They like you for what you do for them, and how happy you make them.
>You are never one to turn down making somepony else happy.
>You're there when they need you, you're there to cheer them up.
>Everypony needs that somepony to lean on in bad times.
>But... when that pony that everyone leans on for help, needs someone to lean on.
>There doesn't seem to be anypony, or anything for them to lean on.

>But you always managed to shake that down feeling.
>That empty feeling you had.
>Somehow or someway, you managed to kick it off.
>But as time grew on and on, the doubt, the darkness.
>It came back harder than the last.
>Like a hydra.
>Cut one off, two take it's place.
>Eventually, you thought about talking to your doctor.
>Medicine worked, but only for a short time.
>Even that didn't do much after a time.
>More medicine, more doctor visits.
>Nothing.
>It came creeping back.
>A fog of doubt enveloping your mind and thoughts.
>But you went on with the show.
>Ponies still laughed.
>Ponies still had fun.
>And your smiles warmed them up like before as they always did.
>As you were being slowly ripped apart from the inside.
>There it was again.
>That knot in your chest.
>You take a deep breath in to alleviate it a little.
>And let out a soft sight, before turning back to your glass of cider and taking another gulp of it.
>You take the glass away from your lips to see it empty.
>You already finished it?
>You weren't even buzzed.
>Guess you grew a tolerance for it.

>You put the glass back on the table.
>You rub your eyes of the tears that were beginning to form.
>You take in another breath to get this knot away from your whole chest.
>You slump back in your chair and look out the window.
>A cloudy night sky kissed with the few light ponyville had to offer.
>No wind, cool, and calm.
>How you yearned to be so at peace, much like the smooth clouds blanketing the sky.
>You shift your attention to the pain beginning to burn up a bit in your back right hoof.
>You had broken it while doing a wacky dance at one of your parties.
>You haven't thrown a party in almost a week now because of it.
>You were pretty much useless.
>The only thing you had to take pride in.
>The only thing you could do without fucking everything up.
>You couldn't do.
>You draw in a staggered breath at the though and clench your teeth.
>You blink a couple of times as the tears find their way from your eyes and down your cheek.
>Pinkie Pie the disaster.
>The failure.
>You can't even make other ponies happy let alone yourself now.
>Maybe it was for the best, you wouldn't want to bother the other ponies with your stupid problems anyways.
>You take your hoof and wipe it across your eyes, and grab the couple of crutches leaned up against your chair.
>You needed to take your medicine before the pain in your foot began to hurt more than the pain in your heart.

>You lazily hobble your way past the little bit of furniture around you to the bathroom.
>You push the door open slowly and flick the light on.
>You walk past the toilet to the sink and cupboard.
>You take a look at yourself.
>Look at you.
>Crying, eyes red.
>Mane straight and floppy.
>Who would want to be around somepony like that.
>Nopony, that's who.
>You didn't want to look at yourself anymore, and fling the mirror to the side, and revealing what was inside.
>A bit of deodorant, some toothpaste, and you medicine bottles.
>You moved the few around until you found the one labelled 'Hydroco / Apap 10-325'
>The pain medicine.
>This should help your hoof.
>You twist open the bottle and pour a pill in to your hoof, and swallow it.
>You run the water in the sink and take a couple of sips from ti before bringing your heavy head back up.
>Before you put the lid back on the bottle, you stare at it for a second.
>Maybe, just maybe.
>You could take a lot of this, and maybe it would get rid of your emotional pain too.
>You knew it wasn't true...
>But....
>Maybe it was.
>Without a second moments thought, you take ht bottle, and dump it all in your mouth and swallow them all.
>It was harsh going down, but it wouldn't matter much longer.
>You take in another staggered breath before turning around and turning the light out.

>You lazily bring yourself in to your bedroom, unlit by light.
>Darkness.
>Like your mind.
>Like your body.
>Like your miserable excuse of an existence.
>You throw your crutches to the ground.
>You pull yourself in to your bed, and throw your head in to the pillow.
>You bury your head in it's fluff.
>You wanted to cry, you wanted to weep.
>But you didn't.
>Because you knew it would be over soon.
>The pain, not just in your leg, but even the pain nopony could see, would be gone soon.
>The heartache, the loneliness.
>The hoplessness, darkness.
>It will all dissipate soon, just like your existence.
>All that was left to do, was to close your eyes...
>And drift to sleep....