Anonymously posted shorts

Posted anonymously because I was too lazy to put my name on, these are all barely a post in length.
Not all of them are from AiE threads, but most of them are.

===
[In response to an anon asking if Anonymous will reveal his name in thread 1000]:

>"A-Anonymous... if we are to be wed, I want to know everything. I know you don't like speaking of your former life on Earth, but I... I wish you would trust me and confide in me. Even after all this time, I still do not know your true name. I have tried to respect your right to privacy, but it pains me that despite the love I hold for your, I don't know even such a basic fact... Please, beloved, I do not wish to marry one whose name means 'Nameless'!"
"L-Luna..."
>Anonymous looks downcast, and shifts his gaze away from hers, before sighing deep and heavily
"You're right. You deserve to know. I promise I'll tell you more about my past, if it will put your mind at ease. As for my name... well..."
>Anonymous steels himself and returns his gaze to its rightful place
"M-my name is... Scott Hall."
>Surprise flashes across her face for the briefest of instants, but is quickly replaced with tears of joy as Princess Luna pulls him into a full body embrace
>" 'Tis a fine name indeed, Scott... my beloved."

SIX MONTHS LATER
>"...And with these words, I do thee wed. Arise, Princess Luna and Prince-consort Scott!"
>All gathered ponies stamp excitedly for the newest addition to the Royal Family
>The human, formerly known as Anonymous, pulls his new wife into a deep kiss, much to the approval of the gathered ponies
>Luna can barely contain herself, much less her blush
>Yet as the two newlyweds approach the cake, tragedy strikes
>A Manticore hiding in the frosting leaps out at Scott, raking its claws across his chest before bounding off, faster than any of the assembled can do anything
>Horror etched on her face, Luna catches her husband in her forelegs and shouts for a doctor
>"Scott!"
>Coughing weakly, Scott rubs his wife's cheek
"A nameless character suddenly having a name.. *cough* This was bound to happen, my love. I'm sorry."
>"No! S-Scott, don't you quit on me! Don't you dare! You-you promised to be with me, forever... Scott!"

..Nah, I don't think it'd go well.
===
[Someone in AiE was complaining about a lack of morning green, so this happened. It, of course, drew out a couple "horses can't vomit" posts.]

>"A-Anonymous, can you please hold my- urp- my mane?"
>Celestia, bereft of her usual regalia, sits upon the floor in your bathroom, head practically in the toilet, wings drooping at her sides
>You oblige her request, pulling her unusually lifeless mane out of her face while making sure her wings are doing alright
>You rub her back, right between her shoulders as she vomits into the toilet again
>"Th-thank you, sweetie."
"Anytime, hon. It's my job, after all."
>"It had bette- ugh, better be. After all, this is- eck- all your fault, dear - you and that tool of yours."
>Rubbing her back a bit faster, you retort
"Well, as I recall, you were enjoying yourself quite a bit at the time, and you were very adamant about where I put my 'tool'."
>She tries to shoot you her patented smile, but another wave of nausea hits before long, prompting a quick return to the bowl
>"*hork* Ogh, I'm never eating alfalfa again after this..."
"Phew... yeah, that makes two of us."
>"So glad you're feeling well enough to crack jokes at my expense, dear."
"Love you, too, Celly."
>[spoiler]Morning sickness ain't pretty when your girlfriend is a horse.[/spoiler]
===
[From some thread about pony genitalia existing but simply being magically hidden, which turned to a discussion about Celestia having giant crotchboobs which she's embarrassed by.]

"Holy shit, Celestia, your tits are HUGE!"
>Celestia's face reddens as she tries to stammer out a response
>"A-Anonymous, please, they're a perfectly natural part of my anatom-"
"No, seriously! How do you even fucking walk with those things? Are you sure you don't have balance problems in the air?"
>"Please! Th-they're completely normal! I'm just like any other pony!"
"Except the whole alicorn thing."
>"*sigh* Except the whole alicorn-"
"And your MASSIVE TITS!"
>You gesture wildly at her teats
"By the way, did you ever notice just how opposite you and your sister are? I mean, just look at Luna's tits-"
>You grab a fistful of the moon princess' petite mammaries
>"Aah! Anonymous, unhoof us at once! Th-that is a-a highly inappropriate place to touch before the f-first date!"
"See, Luna's actually kind of flat - not that there's anything wrong with that - whereas you've got these MOUNTAINS OF FLESH!"
>You reach out to grab Celestia's, only for a white hoof to bat away your hand
>Celestia looks embarrassed and kind of angry
>"Fine. If you will not shut up about my PERFECTLY NORMAL BODY, perhaps I should just... just... remove the focus of your attention. A simple concealment spell should do the trick."
>Your jaw drops open
"That would be an injustice to titties everywhere."
>"What?"
"I never said your massive mammaries were bad. I like 'em big."
And then they all fucked, the end.
===
[From some discussion about Celestia and Luna trying to marry off a Princess to King Anon of the Crystal Empire.]

"Yeah, pink's not really my style. No offense."
>Cadence and Shining visibly relax
>"Y-you're turning down our offer because she's got pink fur?!"
>You shrug
"Personal preference issue, what can I say? Now, blue, on the other hand, that I wouldn't mind waking up next to."
>"What?"
"You're not- she's not deaf, is she? I mean, I don't mind if she is, she's still pretty and we can work around that."
>"I can hear you just fine! I am NOT part of this offer!"
>Celestia glances between her sister, Anonymous, and the Crystal Heart behind him. Luna notices.
>"Sister, you cannot possibly be thinking-"
>"Well, we DO need a princess here to take care of the heart..."
>"SISTER!"
"You know what, now that I think about it I'm not THAT picky. White's just as good as blue, and you look just as good as her."
>Celestia's eyes widen
>"O-oh no, I couldn't possibly, I-I have too many important duties I must perform-"
>Luna glares at her sister
>"And I have no important duties, is that what you're trying to say, Sister?"
>"N-no, Luna, I wasn't trying to say that at all!"
>You lean back and get ready for your afternoon throne nap
>This might take a while for them to sort out
===
[I don't even remember what prompted this.]

To start it all off, Anon tames a Roc. Princess Celestia invites him to talk- to the Royal Guard, of course; he outlined his points in chalk. His lecture completed, Anon takes a walk- straight into Princess Luna, who he finds clad in a frock. She'd heard it was his fetish, taking a risk putting stock in the rumors she'd learned from a little yellow pegasus she met at the dock. Fortunately for Luna, the rumors weren't crock - he told her as much, through a mild amount of shock. She took the human away from his walk, up to her chambers, and engaged the door lock. The human, for his part, moved aside her frock, unzipped his pants, and rubbed her tail dock. The only task left, of course, was to grab her by the tail and impale her on his cock, which he did with great gusto - all this, for taming a Roc.
===
[Non-consensual hugging is a serious crime in Equestria, but nobody is brave enough to arrest Anonymous for it.]

>Celestia cries softly in your arms as you hug her
>Throughout her many centuries of life, she has never before felt so violated
>So vulnerable
>The sanctity of the hug has been held above all else for as long as any creature can remember
>No matter if you were pony, griffon, minotaur, dragon, or any other sort of creature, it was the one thing that was sacred
>Until you came along, that is
>You squeeze her a little tighter, making her sniffle
"Aw, yeah... I tell ya, this feels pretty damn good. I think you're going to be my new hug buddy, from now on."
>"N-no, p-please, stop..."
>You smell her mane
"You smell like strawberry. My favorite."
>A sob escapes her mouth as you sigh contentedly
>You pull back slightly and stare her in the eye
"Hmph. If you're going to be such a poor sport about a little hug, maybe I should try your sister, instead."
>She gasps in horror
>"Y-you wouldn't..."
"She's a big mare, I bet she can handle a little cuddling."
>"No!"
>You flash her one of your winning smiles, a subtle reminder of just who is the predator and who is the prey in this situation
"Maybe I'll keep both of you... after all, there's nothing you can do about it. Those guards of yours are useless. They can't stop me - no one can stop me."
>She averts her gaze, unable or unwilling to respond
"I think I'm done, here," you announce, dropping your arms to your sides.
>She immediately backs away from you as far as she can, curling into the pony equivalent of the fetal position
"Just remember, my little Sunshine... you can't hide from me. Whenever I want a little embrace, I'll find you... or your sister... and I'm going to hug you. There's nothing you can do about it. Get used to it. I'm in your life, now. Ta-ta!"
>Slipping out the door, you pause just long enough to hear her take a shaky breath before breaking down into pitiful wailing
>[spoiler]Who knew these ponies were so soft?[/spoiler]