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- >Be tall, green, and bald as all fuck.
- >Kinda sounds like that Anon dude...
- >Oh wait, thats totally who you are!
- >Just as well, be hanging out with Rainbow Dash at the moment.
- >The both of you casually walk down the road in Ponyville away from Twilight's castle, With Dash flying at just about shoulder height next to you.
- >The socially awkward purple pony Princess of Friendship wanted to give a presentation on new technologies through science and needed an audience.
- >She thought Rainbow Dash would be the perfect candidate because well, she doesn't really care about that kind of stuff and Twilight thought it would make a good challenge to keep her attention.
- >Supposedly she needed practice for an actual presentation she wanted to give Celestia in Canterlot. Or whatever.
- >Wasn't really paying much attention.
- >Still, Dash invited you to make it less boring.
- >It didn't.
- >At least she still wanted to hang out for the rest of the day. So thats cool.
- >"Ugh, if I ever have to sit through something so boring again," she drags her hoof down her face, "I'd have to bring earplugs and a pillow."
- "Yeah I hear yah," you nod in agreement, "I'm all about progress but having to hear about how its made down to the science of it," you shake your head, "not really a good time."
- >"Aaand how."
- "It does kinda make me think though..." You scratch your chin, "I wonder why in a world of magic and dragons and what-not, why hasn't anyone invented something amazing or practical, like a flying carriage."
- >Rainbow perks up at your statement, "We have those! You just need a strong Pegasus pony like me," she poses in a power stance, still hovering above, "to pull it!"
- "Okay so," you raise a brow, "what about one that -doesn't- need a Pegasus huh? Like, no magic or anything like that."
- >"Uhhhh..."
- "Exactly. Imagine how easy life would be if that existed, especially for earth ponies."
- >You come into the market area of town, seeing all the flightless carts strewn about with various ponies shopping for whatever the day requires.
- "See what I'm talking about?"
- >"Whaddya mean?" Dash says, giving you an odd look, "Are you still on about the flying carriage thing?"
- "Well yeah!"
- >"You have a one track mind you know that?"
- "Hey..." you say with a grin, "What would you be willing to give for a flying carriage?"
- >"What would I give?"
- "I dunno uhhh, say some Saddle Arabian scientist comes up to you one day and she goes; 'I have invented the flying carriage, I'll give it to -you- on one condition...'".
- >"Hmmm..." She taps her chin with her hoof, contemplating the scenario, "well whats the condition?"
- "Shes not gonna tell ya."
- >"Well then no deal!" She waves her hoof, "Why would I need a flying carriage anyway?"
- >She points to her wings and gives a smug grin.
- >"Besides, theirs probably a catch if she doesn't wanna tell me."
- "Well who cares about the catch were talking about the flying carriage here Dash! You'll have the only one in the world."
- >Dash rolls her eyes, "Why is this Saddle Arabian scientist offering it to me and not like," she twirls her hoof in the air, "some carriage making company or something?"
- "What is this twenty questions?" You shrug, "Who cares about the mystery, just take the carriage."
- >"/Twenty/ questions? You only asked me the one..."
- "Don't worry about it, back to the question!"
- >"Not if I don't know what the catch is!"
- "Fiiine..." You huff and cross your arms, "The catch is you gotta cut off a hoof, like from the bottom joint down."
- >"Nope, no way."
- "Well why not? You can fly," you point at her wings, "losing a hoof won't kill ya."
- >She scoffs and rolls her eyes again.
- "Besides you can take the designs for it and sell it to a bunch of carriage companies and become a multi-millionaire! After that you could buy like a hundred prosthetic hooves."
- >"This is dumb, Anon!" she glares hard at you, "I'm not giving up one of my hooves just for some stupid invention!"
- "Well listen to you," you say with disappointment, "How selfish. Not willing to give up a body part you don't even need so the world can have the flying carriage." You shake your head at her, "I thought more of you.."
- >"Ugh, fine!" She said in an annoyed tone, "I'll give up a hoof for the world."
- "Your sure?"
- >"I'm sure."
- "Your not gonna chicken out?"
- >"No, I won't!"
- "Because the /whole world/ is counting on you." You point at her.
- >"Wait, why is the world counting on me?" She says getting flustered.
- >Your argument continues on, you exit the market and proceed into the park.
- "Because, Dash, the Saddle Arabian scientist gave a press conference about the flying carriage including about how shes gonna give it to you and how you can do whatever you want with it including; mass market and an affordable model for the world to purchase."
- >"What the hay kind of scientist is this??"
- "One with a lot of free time on her hooves," You nod, "and a hoof fetish. So! Are you in or out?"
- >She sighs and covers her face with her hoof. "Yes."
- "Its a deal."
- >"Yeees." She says closing her eyes.
- "Okay so now, you find out shes gonna take off your hoof with a hacksaw."
- >"What??"
- "And no painkillers"
- >"No way! Why didn't you mention that before??"
- "Well you should've payed a lawyer to read over the contract before agreeing now shouldn't you have? And afterwords" you put your hand up to stop her protest, "she uses a pain-numbing injection to instantly stop the pain and heal the wound."
- >"Well why can't I get that before she cuts it off?"
- "Because. -She- is a sick degenerate who enjoys inflicting pain."
- >"You said she was a pony of science!"
- "Irrelevant, but come on its a few minutes of pain for a lifetime of riches!"
- >She grunts, getting pretty annoyed at this point, "Fiiiiine. As long as I get the painkiller as soon as she takes my hoof."
- "So you want the painkiller?"
- >"Well -yeah-."
- >You cringe a little.
- "Okay..."
- >"Why'd you say it like that?"
- "Ehh its just the shot she gives you knocks you out and when your out she..." you wiggle your hand, "diddles you."
- >"Oh c'mon!" She rolls her whole head.
- "Hey, you made the deal."
- >"I was supposed to give my hoof, not get knocked out and molested by a Saddle Arabian scientist-"
- "And her friends."
- >"WHAT??"
- "And also when shes done her friends get a shot at you too."
- >"Deals off!"
- "What are ya some kind of homophobe?"
- >Your argument garners the attention of ponies passing by, giving you looks of bewilderment.
- >"Noo, I just don't wanna get diddled by some Saddle Arabian scientist and her friends after getting my hoof cut off!"
- >She grunts and crosses her forehooves in pure adorable annoyance.
- "Ya see? Thats whats wrong."
- >She looks at you with an eyebrow raised and her mouth agasp.
- "Ponies unable to leave their own comfort zone for the sake of the world, giving slow and unmeaningful progress to the races of Equestria." You spread your arms in a big circle, "Not only that, but demeaning the pegasi as a proud, brave race of adventurers, warriors, and just overall badasses. But if you wanna keep the flying carriage from the world..."
- >"ALLRIIGHT!" she yells, her voice echoing throughout for all to hear, "I'll do it! Jeez! I'll get my hoof cut off, and then diddled by a bunch of other mares for the 'flying carriage'!!" She says with an exaggerated look of amazement.
- >There is a moment of silence between you as other ponies continue to walk by.
- "You'd let some Saddle Arabian scientist and her friends have their way with you for a carriage?" You say condescendingly.
- >She faces you, glaring the sharpest metaphorical daggers you've ever seen.
- >You shake your head.
- "Thought I knew you, Dash."
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