thanks #xkcd

Dear #xkcd,

Thank you for everything.

Getting to know people in #xkcd, I started to trust them, especially as I was at a very vulnerable point in my life and people were supportive. It's one of the only online communities I'm a part of where a good number of denizens know my real name, and address and so on. And many of you have been incredibly helpful over the years.

When I first joined #xkcd a few years ago, my life sucked. I was terribly ill and home bound. I was broke and had no money or income or anything. I'd split from abusive family, and had housing, but that was it. No transportation, no money, no nothing. And the kindness of people from #xkcd helped me enormously. You fed me in lots of ways, including literally. I had an #xkcd denizen I didn't know show up to take me to the local food back - something I couldn't physically do without their assistance.

When my computer died, I got help from an #xkcd denizen across the world who by that time I knew well. I didn't have any backup except a dumb phone that I could fortunately get webmail on. He was able to find a repair shop in my (very tiny) walking distance. When my computer was unfixable, #xkcd denizens came together to help me. One sent me an old laptop. Another sent me a CD of Mint so that I could install an OS small enough to actually run, and a external hard drive so that I could save my files from my dead computer.

Over the past couple of years, #xkcders have helped me in a number of ways. You’ve sent me some baking pans and other basic kitchen things and taught me to cook. You’ve sent me used clothing and bags and shoes. Used phones and cords, a thumb drive, a mini iPod. You’ve sent me cold medications. You’ve paid to help me get my teeth fixed. You’ve paid for emergency ubers to the county hospital a ridiculously long distance away. You’ve given me free server space and hosting. You offered your homes to me.

I have yes, benefited monetarily from this community. You kept me going until I was able to get help from charities and food stamps and all that good stuff. And you've helped me so much since then. But that wasn’t why I came here, or the most I’ve gotten out of it. I’ve learned a tonne. You’ve taught me to cook and garden. You’ve helped me with my resume, and written references. You’ve given me loads of advice. And you’ve given me to the opportunity to help others too, something which kept me going for a long while. You’ve kept me sane during moments of insane stress, and helped me figure out what to do when I couldn’t and needed someone to prod me in the right direction. You’ve taught me that not everyone is abusive, and what love really looks like.

And these lists btw, are not close to as complete as they should be. So many of you have helped with so much, in so many ways.

I’ve had the good fortune to make amazing friends here and I’ve had amazing adventures with those of you who I was able to meet in person. I’ve gotten to work with even more of you, and work for several of you. I have made some of the best friends of my life through this community.

And I’ve also had a community of people I could share crazy stories with. Like the recent bee invasion that never ended, and the lodging nightmare from hell. You’ve been there for any number of my fuck-ups and my triumphs.

I’m fortunately doing quite better, I’m practically a different person now. I’m a million times physically stronger now. I can not just go up and down stairs, but walk to the bus and swim and do all sorts of amazing things I couldn’t not that long ago. I still have challenges ahead of me. Finding more than a little freelance work - something stable. Finding a place to live. Other big picture stuff. But it’s stuff I’ll figure out. I’m much better equipped to now, and I have amazing friends to turn to. And, worse comes to worse, I have offers from a number of amazing #xkcders who have offered to let me crash with them if need be. This has been an amazingly generous community.

But the time has come for me to move on. I’ve been at odds with the channel in a number of ways recently, and it’s clear from reading conversations about me (people, please stop PMing me logs, I don’t need any more gossip about myself) that a good portion of the channel is very unhappy with me, and thinks I’m a scam artist of some kind. And I’m tired of being defensive. #xkcd was there for me during some of the hardest points in my life, when no one else was. But you also don’t let me forget it. Which means that I can’t come and ask for help with simple things like your knowledge or advice, or share experiences without being judged and forced to defend myself.

I’ve changed hugely, and #xkcd has been a huge part of that. But in order for me to move forward, I need to have space, and be around people who see me differently. And in many ways, this isn’t the end. I’ve made amazing friends who I’ll still talk to daily. I have adventures planned with some of you, in fact, I’ll be seeing some of you very shortly.

For the record, I’ve just paid terran back every penny he ever gave me (I went by email receipts, if I missed anything, please let me know). It helped enormously at the time, and I appreciate it greatly. Most of this was when I literally couldn’t feed myself, and it was an amazing help, and I do appreciate it, in spite of what’s happened since. If anyone else feels that they have been swindled or cheated, please contact me and I’ll try and set things right with you as well.

Thanks for everything,
ladymondegreen

PS. Yes, I'm fine. It was just a fucking smoke bomb, it's not the end of the world. I threw up and that really seems to have helped.