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- Bit & Smidget: Odyssey StrangeCreed 04/09/12(Mon)03:46 No.1141661
- >you are now Bit, and are supremely pissed off
- >on top of losing all of the berries you gathered, you were abducted by some fluffy-abusing asshole
- >fortunately, you doused him in lighter fluid, and burned down the house where he and his stolen herd dwelt
- >less so now that you are having to death with being taken to a fluffy orphanage because you told them your owner burned to death
- >you are running out of patience
- >the indignity of being dumped in a filthy pen with the retards is an insult that just isn't going to fly
- >one of the overseers, a fat balding man named Constantine
- >you constantly stare daggers at him while the others eat their canned spaghetti off the shit-caked floor
- >admittedly, even this poor example of pasta kind is still tempting
- >after a while, he notices your stare
- What the hell are you looking at?
- >"I wan' out."
- Well, you ain't gettin' out.
- >"My owna is stiww awive. His name is [name redacted], he wives at [address redacted]."
- >Constantine is... curious
- Well, aren't you a smart little guy?
- >"Yes, I am smawt, so take me out of dis pen and take me HOME!"
- >he scratches his head
- I dunno, this is pretty fuckin' strange
- >facehoof.jpg
- ***
- >you are now the hapless owner
- >Bit has disappeared
- >he is entirely gone, and you are frankly terrified
- >just as much for him as for any fluffy pony he comes across
- >your worry apparently isn't solitary, because the other three have noticed his absence
- >"whewe Bit?" Smidget asks, cocking her head at you
- >you frankly have no idea, but you assure her he's probably safe
- >after all, he's a smart little guy
- >of course, you aren't going just let him rot out there
- >you start phoning up every adoption center, orphanage, or pet store in the area
- >"a pale blue unicorn that... doesn't play well with others" you ask for
- >with luck, the orphanage on [address redacted] had one dropped off by firefighters
- >you ignore the implications that Bit has graduated to full blown arson and just ask to hold him
- >you grab your coat and drive like the devil to pick up Bit before someone else does
- >you are surprised the place is still open at 2:00am
- >surprised AGAIN, when Bit is apparently in the break room with a trio of adult men
- >with crumbs of donut in his fluff, he positively lights up when he sees you
- >"Daaa-... uh... [name redacted], you came fo' me! Sowwy I snuck out..."
- >you pick Bit up and hug him
- >he smells of burned flesh and wood
- What have you been doing?
- >he shrugs adorably
- >"adventuwe?"
- >your brow furrows, and he is cowed
- >they don't fine you or anything, after all you just picked up your property
- >in the car, you begin your interrogation
- 'Adventure' isn't enough, Bit. What the FUCK where you doing, sneaking out at night?
- >he begins sniffling, "gavvering poisonous bewwies..."
- WHY?!
- >"I wan' kiww Hurples! He weawwy wustles my jimmies!"
- >you snort at his usage of the phrase and start the engine
- >the drive home is otherwise completely quiet
- >Smidget and the others have waddled off to bed
- >Bit however does not go to bed
- >"you'we weawwy disappointed, awen't you?"
- >thank you Captain Obvious
- >"I didn't even get da bewwies... and I kiwwed a guy."
- >you're stomach falls out
- Y-you what?
- >"he was gonna kiww me! I had to do somefin'! I buwned his house down!"
- >you run your fingers through your hair and lean against the counter
- >Bit has not only graduated to arson, but flat out murder
- >fuckmylife.swf
- You better start from the beginning, this is... serious
- >Bit explains in detail everything that happened, from sneaking out, to the greasy abductor, the cheese-grater, the flames...
- >you've since sunk to the floor, the gravity of a murderous fluffy that may be smarter than most PEOPLE you've met has just committed two felonies in one night
- >...with no legal repercussions to be seen
- >this... may be useful
- Bit, you wouldn't do this again unless I asked, right
- >he shakes his head
- >this little adventure was clearly unpleasant
- Let's say... I did ask, and was there to help if things went wrong, would you do it again?
- >he cocks his head in confusion
- >"Kiww... fo' you?"
- Yes, little buddy
- >he doesn't answer, only totters off to his bundle of blankets
- >you are one sick sack of shit
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