If It Ain’t Broke, It Will Be
-the zombies are closing in-
Holly: Okay, so we should almost definitely run.
Morgan: I’ve had enough of running. There’s no Zaresi here, and we’ve got a god just as powerful as her behind us. We’re going to fight!
-she conjures a moon and bowls over one of the approaching zombies-
Evan: Yeah, about that.
-it immediately stands up-
Evan: Zombies aren’t as smart as ghouls are, and that’s a pretty low bar. Upside though, they’re way harder to kill.
-and the other zombies begin clawing at the moon, Death magic swirling around their hands to burn it away-
Morgan: What?
Evan: Yeah, see, I wanted to go with the “rip your flesh apart and eat your brains” sort of thing. Classic, right? But Laura said that would draw too much attention. I said I could just mind-wipe people, and besides, it’s not like anything’s going to be secret for much longer, but she made the face at me. You know the face, right, Morgan?
-Morgan glares from where she is still trying to bat away zombies-
Evan: So instead I just made them burn through any other magic they touch, and absorb it to keep themselves going. It’s not quite as cool, but it’s pretty energy-efficient, and I guess you’ll die either way.
-he shrugs-
Evan: Can’t have everything, right? For now, I mean.
Dee: I’m really starting to dislike that guy.
Morgan: That puts you approximately a year behind everyone else here.
Poltergeist: Didn’t you say you weren’t supposed to try and influence who I was?
Morgan: Well, nobody liked him, so I figure I’m good.
Andrew: Uh, guys?
Dee: Nobody else here is a guy.
Andrew: Folks?
Dee: Better. What’s going on?
Andrew: I don’t want to be a bother or anything, but, uh…I don’t have any magic. And nobody here is actually doing any harm to the zombies. Like, at all.
-indeed-
Andrew: So maybe we should take Holly’s advice and run?
Morgan: Little late for that! We’re surround—
Dee: Yeah, on it. Locus!
-a portal opens-
Dee: Everyone through!
-everyone goes through the portal, emerging on a roof. A zombie begins climbing through-
Dee: Center!
-and the portal closes-
Poltergeist: …Ech.
Holly: Death magic is gross.
Morgan: It’s normally not this bad.
-she punts the half-zombie off of the roof-
-cut back down to below-
Evan: Now that’s just annoying.
-Laura approaches-
Laura: Where are they?
Evan: Up there, I think.
-he points up-
Laura: Oh.
Evan: Don’t you worry. I’ll handle them myself.
-he grins-
Evan: You don’t even have to watch.
-Laura looks away uncomfortably. Evan laughs and heads towards the building-
Morgan: Okay, battle plan.
Dee: Keep running?
Morgan: Sort of. We need to find Novju and get Andrew a Contract so he doesn’t get eaten by zombies.
Andrew: Thanks.
Morgan: Don’t mention it. Then, once we’re all actually able to fight, we deal with Zaresi’s subordinates. Novju can finish off Zaresi herself, and we’ll be good.
Holly: Sounds like a plan.
Dee: Not really.
Holly: I mean, you’re right, but I think it’s as close as we’re going to get.
Poltergeist: I like it.
Andrew: I support me not dying.
Morgan: Okay. We can probably take Laura or Evan, but those zombies are a problem. And watch out for Liz.
Poltergeist: Didn’t we fight her already? She’s not so tough.
Morgan: I’ve seen her move so fast she was basically teleporting, and take down Spirits in seconds. With all the power Zaresi’s got right now, she should be even stronger…but she’s not. She’s holding back when she fights us. I don’t know why, and I don’t want to test her patience on the matter. So if you see her, just get out of there. Don’t talk to her, don’t fight her, just run. Everyone got it?
Poltergeist: How are we going to find Novju?
-there’s a crackling noise, and a pillar of blue light erupts a few blocks away-
Poltergeist: …Okay, fair enough.
Morgan: Let’s go.
-they start moving, but almost immediately, a second pillar appears from the other side-
Morgan: …Okay, so finding Novju might be a little more difficult than previously planned. Who knew gods moved that quickly?
Dee: I did.
Andrew: I probably could have told you that.
Poltergeist: If Liz can move that fast, why shouldn’t Zaresi and Novju?
Holly: …It did seem to make sense.
-Morgan sighs-
Morgan: Okay, new plan. We wait for the fight to come to us.
Holly: Uh, Morgan? That might be a problem.
-several zombies start climbing up onto the roof, and Evan follows them, casually strolling up the fire escape-
Evan: You really thought you could run away?
-he draws his knife-
Evan: Gypaetus!
-and a ring of Death magic forms around the roof-
Evan: Don’t you get it? There’s never been anywhere you could go.
-Morgan immediately summons moons, whirling them around as she swings one at Evan, but a zombie intercepts the blow-
Evan: Please don’t interrupt me while I’m monologuing.
-the zombies circle the group, Morgan floating moons to keep them at bay-
-Evan takes out his mat and lies it down-
Evan: Phalacrocorax!
-the mat starts to glow, a new pattern of sigils forming-
Evan: Like the theme? I made the new one after we beat Nicholas. Throwback Thursday, right?
-Dee leans forward-
Dee: Morgan, if we can distract him for a few minutes, I can get us to another building.
Morgan: I’ll see what I can do.
Evan: Hey! No talking while I’m threatening you.
-one of the zombies slashes a hand at Morgan, trailing Death magic. She dodges, and smacks it away with a moon-
Evan: Fuscicollus!
-suddenly, tendrils tear their way out from the mat, whirling around, and dive for Team Morgan. They scatter as the tendrils impact the rooftops, and the zombies charge-
-Morgan is off by the side, separated from the others by a tendril, and attempts to duck around to reach Evan, but is intercepted by more tendrils. She summons moons, bending space to force herself a path, and a zombie gets in her way, grabbing at her throat. Death magic springs up around her-
Evan: Enjoying the new features?
Morgan: Nngh…
-further away from Evan, Dee is forming sigils out of Space magic, while Holly is standing guard. As a zombie approaches, Holly forms a vector arrow to move both it and a tendril, and the zombie is impaled, rapidly disintegrating-
Holly: …So that’s what they’ll do if they touch us.
Andrew: Yikes.
Dee: Just a moment…
-at this point Holly notices the zombie strangling her sister-
 Holly: Morgan!
-she forms another arrow and fires it at the zombie, which doesn’t notice-
-Morgan, meanwhile, is rapidly getting paler. While moons form around her, they’re wispy and gutter out quickly-
-Evan is giggling-
-Holly looks between Dee, who is still murmuring over her ritual, Andrew, who just generally looks afraid, and…wait, where’s the Poltergeist?-
Holly: …Hm.
-she forms an arrow on the ground between her and the zombie, and shortens it. Suddenly, the zombie is directly in front of her. She pulls it just a little closer….-
-and releases the arrow-
-there is now no more zombie. A burst of Death magic escapes from it, and the hand lessens its grip on Morgan’s throat. Morgan drops to the ground, gasping-
Evan: Spoilsport. But even you can’t keep track of everything.
-Holly turns back around, to see that a tendril has impaled Dee’s ritual, shattering it, and a zombie is forcing Dee towards the ring of spikes surrounding the roof, while another is busy draining the life from Andrew-
-another tendril strikes Morgan, and another Holly. The two are suspended in the air-
-Evan, meanwhile, bursts out laughing-
Evan: You know, Morgan, this could have been avoided. If you’d just stayed out of our way, you wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t be killing you and everyone allied with you. Sure, you’d have to let someone else fight your battle for you for once in your life, but is that really so bad?
-he shrugs-
Evan: Ah well. I’d have hunted you down and killed you anyways. Maybe Marian and Superfluous Guy could have survived?
Andrew: Dude…
Evan: Moot point now though, seeing as how I’m about to kill all of you. Look, I already got the Poltergeist.
Poltergeist: Actually…
-something taps Evan on the shoulder-
Poltergeist: Hi.
Evan: Well. Hell—
Poltergeist: No one wants to hear your voice, asshole.
Morgan: Distraction!
-and the Poltergeist kicks Evan in the chest. He goes flying, straight towards the spikes. His eyes widen-
Evan: Barbatus!
-the spikes vanish, but this leaves Evan with a second problem-
Evan: Lucidus!
-the tendrils vanish, and a new one forms, grabbing Evan before he can fall to his death. Holly and Morgan are freed, and the two set to work freeing Dee and Andrew from the zombies-
Morgan: Come on! We need to get somewhere else, and quick!
Evan: You’re going nowhere!
-he draws his knife-
Evan: Neophr—
-the Poltergeist throws the mat over the edge after him, and he drops, screaming. The zombies remaining on the roof mill about vaguely with nobody to give directions-
Morgan: Dee, Andrew, are you alright?
-Dee stands up, wincing-
Dee: As you might imagine, I’ve been better.
Andrew: Feeling a little out of it…
Morgan: Okay, great, let’s get going then.
-Holly uses an arrow to bend another building’s roof to within walking distance, and everyone crosses over before she snaps space back into shape-
-immediately, a pulse of light goes up from the direction they came-
Dee: Whoops.
Holly: Worth going back?
Morgan: I don’t think so. They seem pretty random; we’ll get close sooner or later. We just have to keep moving so we don’t get caught by Zaresi’s goons again.
-so they begin roofhopping. From the ground, Evan is watching them-
Evan: …This is not going to stand.
-and he and his zombies rush off, the ones on the roof falling off in the background. Laura sighs, and goes to circle around-
-back on the roof, everyone is moving from building to building. While Holly, Morgan, Dee, and the Poltergeist are getting across using magic, Andrew lacks this option and is being carried by the Poltergeist-
Andrew: This is kind of embarrassing…
Poltergeist: Yeah. I can’t believe I have to carry some random around.
Morgan: I can probably take him.
Poltergeist: I’d be shocked.
-suddenly, a flare goes off from right next to them-
Morgan: There! Now!
-and she leaps off the side of the building, riding a moon down. Holly follows, using arrows to keep herself and Dee from splattering. The Poltergeist just sprints down the side of the building, carrying a terrified-looking Andrew-
-however, as they reach the street, there’s no sign of Novju or Zaresi, It’s just like any other crowded street-
Morgan: Crap. Too slow. Oh well. Don’t slow down, and keep straight.
Laura: That might be difficult.
-she steps out of an alleyway, blocking everyone off. Morgan slows to a stop and points her palms at Morgan, a moon hissing into existence behind her-
Morgan: Credit for the pun, but get out of our way.
Laura: Can’t.
Poltergeist: We can get around her.
Morgan: Or we can go through her, which is what we’re doing if she doesn’t get out of the way.
Laura: Not happening.
-Holly taps Morgan on the shoulder, and gestures to some passersby, who seem very confused by Morgan-
Morgan: Uh.
-she puts her hands down, but the moon remains floating behind her-
Morgan: We already fought you by the ocean. You want to do this again?
Laura: You stepped in when we were already busy fighting a few dozen other gods and their entourages. Want to see what I can do when I’m not almost tapped?
-she flicks a finger at Morgan’s spell. A tiny burst of helical Death magic pierces it, and it vanishes-
Laura: I’m sorry about this.
-whirling spirals begin branching off her-
Holly: Okay, rerouting!
-a series of vector arrows form, and suddenly Laura is no longer between everyone else and anywhere-
-or rather, the space behind Laura has been moved to directly in front of the group-
-space is complicated-
Holly: Let’s go.
-and everyone steps around Laura-
Dee: ‘Scuse me.
-and off they all go, Morgan hurling several moons to disrupt a parting shot from Laura-
Andrew: Wait, you guys know her?
Morgan: Uh, yeah. Long story on that one.
Poltergeist: She’s her ex.
Morgan: …Yeah, that.
Dee: Doesn’t sound like such a long story to me.
-Morgan blinks-
Morgan: Wait, how did you know that?
Poltergeist: …I’m not sure.
Dee: Probably a question for when we’re not running for our lives.
Morgan: But—
Poltergeist: Sounds like a plan.
-a wacky chase scene ensues-
-well, not that wacky, it’s actually kind of horrifying-
-in a general way it involves Team Morgan running a lot, with Laura or Evan taking potshots at them-
-it also occasionally involves zombies pretending to be civilians-
-but also Scooby Dooby Doors-
Dee: -face-to-face with a doppleganger of herself-
Holly: This is unusual.
Dee: No kidding.
Dee #2: …Want to make out?
-Dee cocks her head-
Dee: Maybe some other time.
-anyway, cut back to the chase scene-
-they keep running, until there’s a flash of blue from right across a large parking lot-
Morgan: There! Full speed ahead!
-they start running through the lot-
-a flash of darkness appears from across the block and rockets across the street, slipping around pedestrians, until it lands in front of Team Morgan, coalescing into Liz, who spreads her wings and floats up into the air, hovering in front of the group-
Liz: Hi.
Morgan: …Oh.
Poltergeist: Heya.
Andrew: Ulp…
Dee: So you’re Liz. Nice to meet you.
Liz: A pleasure. You were Tirali’s Magician, yes?
Dee: Is there some point to me lying?
Liz: Not really.
Dee: Sort of figured.
-she eyes Liz, who ignores her and turns to Morgan-
Liz: I thought you might be trying to follow the battle. It should be back here shortly…but I can’t let you pass.
Holly: (whispering in Morgan’s ear) What do we do? I think there’s an alley, I can try getting us into it…
Morgan: (quietly) At this point? I’m not sure that’s an option.
Liz: I can hear y—
Morgan: Now!
-everyone opens fire. Morgan hurls a moon, Holly launches vector arrows, the Poltergeist produces a fairly generic plasm, Dee creates a tesseract and flings it, and even Andrew grabs a small rock off the ground and throws it at Liz’s head-
-Liz strikes the attacks out of the air with feathers before they can get a few feet from Team Morgan-
-and she catches the rock-
Dee: You did say we couldn’t fight her.
Morgan: I was hoping I was wrong!
Liz: So. How about that alleyway?
Holly: We are now recalculating our destination.
Andrew: …Is that, like, a line from an old movie or something?
-Holly summons a vector arrow-
-and Laura emerges from the alleyway, Death magic spiraling around her-
Laura: Hey again.
-Holly spins the arrow around, only to find that Evan and the zombies are approaching from behind-
Evan: I am so very, very pissed off right now.
-he cracks his knuckles. The zombies do the same-
Evan: You’re trapped, Morgan. Nowhere to run…
-he giggles, leaning on a zombie-
Evan: So. Now what?
Dee: I could try another portal…
Liz: Do you think you can create a ritual faster than I can cast a spell?
Holly: No.
-everyone turns to her-
Holly: But I think I can cast a spell while all of you are talking.
-she moves her hand slightly, and it becomes clear that an incredibly complex network of arrows has been set up. Space twists in and out of itself, so that if the spell is destroyed, the recoil will cause a number of cars to be launched at Laura, Evan, and Liz-
-most importantly, though, there is a clear path for Team Morgan to simply step past Team Zaresi-
-which they proceed to, Morgan using a moon to cover their escape-
Morgan: Distraction! Thanks, Holly!
-she blows a raspberry at Team Zaresi-
Morgan: Nice try, but I guess my sister’s just a little bit smarter than you are. We’ll be seeing you! Everyone, let’s—
Evan: Hold it!
Morgan: And why should I?
Andrew: Uh, Morgan?
Morgan: What?
Dee: …We might want to take a headcount.
Morgan: You two, me, Poltergeist—
Poltergeist: Present.
Morgan: And…
-she trails off. Everyone turns back, to see Holly being held at knifepoint by Evan, in the middle of her field of altered space-
Holly: …Hi.
-Morgan conjures a moon-
Morgan: Let her go or I’ll break your face, Evan.
Evan: Who’s going to make me? In case you haven’t noticed, if you try anything, Other Morgan comes down with a bad case of anemia.
Holly: That isn’t what anemia means.
Evan: Why does everyone I hold at knifepoint always correct me on things? Do you not grasp the implicit threat of this situation?
Holly: I think you’re not grasping it, actually.
-she points down-
Holly: We’re right in the middle of a space that shouldn’t exist. What happens if I die?
Evan: …
-he realizes that he is, in fact, within the field of space currently stretched very strangely out of proportion-
Evan: …Smart.
Holly: Yep.
-Evan turns to Laura and Liz-
Evan: I don’t suppose either of you happened to notice that, did you?
Liz: I may have.
-Laura doesn’t respond, and in fact is looking away-
Evan: Hmph. Well, thanks for pointing it out. I guess I have to let you go now…oh, wait. No I don’t.
-a handful of zombies surround Holly as Evan steps back. Holly sighs-
Evan: And we’re back to where we started. Now, Morgan, collect your sidekicks and come over here, and I might consider letting your sister go.
Morgan: You wouldn’t be okay with just me?
Holly: Morgan, no.
Evan: (mockingly) Morgan, no.
-he sneers-
Evan: At this point, no I wouldn’t. I’m making a point here.
-he twirls his knife-
Evan: Either you let Other Morgan die, or you and everyone else dies. You said you wanted to keep her safe? Well, here’s your chance.
-Dee, Andrew, and the Poltergeist turn to Morgan somewhat nervously-
Evan: You’re probably powerful enough to do it, aren’t you? It’s easy. Just snatch them up and toss them over here. Hey, Liz, want to take bets?
-Liz has been watching Holly intently-
Liz: No, I don’t think I will.
Evan: Boring. Oh well. Morgan, you get 10 seconds. Make up your mind. 10…9…
Holly: Not that I think Morgan would actually kill 3 people and herself just for me, but I do have an opinion on the matter.
Evan: Who cares?
Holly: You really should. Dee, double-check me. Liz isn’t going to fight us except in self-defense, right?
Dee: Given the degree of power she’s displayed and the fact we’re still alive? I’d say you’re right.
-Evan turns to glare at Liz-
Liz: Hmm.
Holly: So. With Liz pretty much out of the equation, that leaves you and Laura. And I think Morgan, Dee, and the Poltergeist can take you.
Evan: You seem to be forgetting my swarming horde of undead.
Holly: No, but they’re about to be taken care of.
Evan: Oh, please. They’re unkillable. That’s the whole point of—
-he trails off-
Evan: You wouldn’t.
-it clicks-
Morgan: HOLLY, NO!
Evan: Enough of this! Zombies, ignore Other Morgan and go get real Morgan!
Holly: Actually, you’re the one being held hostage now.
Evan: Oh, please. You’re not about to sacrifice yourself.
Holly: Morgan, you really should be running right now.
Morgan: I’m not about to leave you!
Holly: Yes you are.
Evan: Very touching. Zombies, kill someone.
-he waves a hand, and they begin to move-
Holly: Say hi to Novju from me. Oh, and Evan? Distraction. Goodbye, Morgan.
Morgan: N—
-the entire field of twisted space vanishes, as does Holly and the zombies-
-there’s absolute silence for a moment. Liz looks pensive. Laura stares in horror. Evan looks impassive. Andrew just seems confused. The Poltergeist lacks a face. Dee looks startled-
Dee: …Oh.
-Evan is the first to recover-
Evan: Well, that was a waste of undead.
-Morgan crumples over, sobbing. The Poltergeist makes an attempt to comfort her-
Evan: Oh, right. You’re still here.
-he glares, and then snickers, and then starts to laugh, and then finally bursts into utter hysterics-
Evan: You know, for a complete waste of resources, that was hilarious.
Evan: No, really! Tell me that was not the funniest thing you have ever seen!
Liz: It really wasn’t.
Evan: Then your sense of humor is lacking, because wow! I mean first off, look at Morgan’s face, because that should be funny enough in and of itself…
-both Laura and Liz are staring at Evan at this point-
Evan: But second of all, and this’ll just kill you, it was completely pointless!
-Evan crumples as well, but unlike Morgan, he’s laughing hysterically-
Evan: You’re still outgunned, and you still have no hope of ever reaching your god! You’re still going to die here, alone, far from home, and knowing just how many people are dead because you failed, and that is. A. GAS!
Laura: Evan—
Evan: Do I sound like I’m even close to done? Not only was it pointless, it was also entirely avoidable! If you’d just listened to your sister’s advice and run for it at first, or kept going instead of picking fights every time one of us happened to be in your way, Other Morgan might still be alive! But you didn’t, you wouldn’t, and she isn’t! So HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?!
Liz: Evan! Your gloating is embarrassing. Get over yourself and get this over with.
-Evan stands up, still giggling-
Evan: Whatever you say, mom.
-he takes out his knife, and advances on Morgan-
Evan: Hey, check it out. Even your Spirit abandoned you. Guess you really are going to die alone.
-indeed, the Poltergeist has vanished-
-Dee forms a tesseract, and Evan points his knife towards her-
Evan: Torgos.
-twin beams of Death magic snap from the knife, striking Dee and Andrew and hurling them away-
Evan: Don’t worry, I’ll deal with you two later.
-he leans down to Morgan and tilts her head up, placing his knife against her throat-
Evan: Any last words before I send you the same way everyone in your life has gone?
-Morgan just stares at him blankly-
Evan: Fine, gosh. Don’t let them say I never do anything nice for you.
[offscreen]: Hey, I’ve got some words for you.
Evan: Huh?
[offscreen]: Distraction.
Evan: Distrac…
[offscreen]: Again.
Evan: Who are you? And what are you talking ab—
-there’s a whistling sound, and a large object shrouded in blue appears, plummeting towards all present-
-and Zaresi smashes into the ground in the parking lot, flipping several cars and crashing into a wall as the Space magic surrounding her flickers away-
Evan: What?!
-there’s a blue glow around Evan-
Evan: What?!
-and he disappears-
Laura: Liz? What’s going on?
Liz: …We have company.
-and Novju appears in the parking garage. She’s about twice her usual height, and has the same aura of power as Zaresi-
Novju: Morgan. I see you decided to follow me after all.
-Morgan doesn’t respond-
Novju: I suppose I should apologize for taking so long to acknowledge you. I didn’t really expect you to show up, and I was rather occupied. Fortunately my Poltergeist got around to notifying me.
-the Poltergeist peeks out from behind Novju’s back-
-Morgan still says nothing-
Novju: Is something wrong?
Dee: …Awkward.
Andrew: Uh…her sister just died.
-Novju blinks-
Novju: Oh. Um, not to divert attention or anything, but who are you?
Andrew: I’m Andrew.
Dee: You keep saying that!
Andrew: What else am I supposed to say?
Novju: Are you a Magician?
Andrew: Uh, yes.
Novju: Good, then you can help me fight.
Andrew: Oh. Um, yeah.
-he glows with Space magic-
-Novju, meanwhile, has shrunk down to human size, and goes over to Morgan-
Novju: Morgan.
-Morgan looks up, still crying-
Novju: Don’t cry, Morgan. You’ve done well. Zaresi, admittedly, was slightly stronger than I anticipated, but with you and yours keeping her subordinates occupied, I’ve been able to gain the upper hand. Can you still fight?
-Morgan takes a few deep breaths-
Morgan: …Yeah. I can.
Novju: Excellent.
Zaresi: This is not over!
-she snaps to her feet, her aura of power swelling to fill the garage and batter against Novju’s-
Novju: Your pride needs breaking badly, Zaresi.  Morgan, Dee, Andrew, Poltergeist, I trust you can handle Zaresi’s pet Magicians?
Morgan: I…
-the Poltergeist steps in front of Morgan-
Poltergeist: We’ve got this. Let’s kick some butt.
-as Liz and Laura reenter view, Novju flows forwards-
Novju: Yes.
-she raises a palm-
Novju: Let’s.