epicfail reverse engineering

def fail(memes, calcium)
  dank = "^)"
  if calcium < memes
    if memes % calcium == 0
      dank = "^("
    else
      wew = fail(memes, calcium + 1)
      dank = wew
    end
  end
  return dank
end
def epicfail(memes)
  wow = 0
  dank = "^)"
  if memes > 1
    wew = fail(memes, 2)
    dank = wew
    if dank
      wew = bill(memes - 1)
      wow = wew + 1
    else
      wew = such(memes - 1)
      wow = wew
    end
  end
  return wow
end
def dootdoot(memes, seals)
  doritos = 0
  if seals > memes
  else
    if seals == 0
      doritos = 1
    else
      if seals == memes
        doritos = 1
      else
        wew = dootdoot(memes - 1, seals - 1)
        doritos = wew
        wew = dootdoot(memes - 1, seals)
        doritos = wew + doritos
      end
    end
  end
  return doritos
end
def such(memes)
  wew = dootdoot(memes, 5)
  wow = wew
  if wow % 7 == 0
    wew = bill(memes - 1)
    wow = wow + 1
  else
    wew = epicfail(memes - 1)
  end
  wow = wew + wow
  return wow
end
def brotherman(memes)
  hues = 0
  if memes != 0
    if memes < 3
      hues = 1
    else
      wew = brotherman(memes - 1)
      hues = wew
      wew = brotherman(memes - 2)
      hues = wew + hues
    end
  end
  hues = hues % 987654321
  return hues
end
def bill(memes)
  wew = brotherman(memes)
  wow = wew
  if wow % 3 == 0
    wew = such(memes - 1)
    wow = wow + 1
  else
    wew = epicfail(memes - 1)
  end
  wow = wew + wow
  return wow
end
def main
  memes = 13379447
  wew = epicfail(memes)
  puts wew
  exit
end

main