A night to remember: last part

>Twilight accompanies you as you race back to your home
>It was urgent that you got back and stopped Spike from eating the tribute
>Those gems were one of a kind
>You tear down narrow sidestreets, both giving it all you've got
>Which, coming from an out of shape human and a egghead pony, turns out to be just faster than jogging speed
>After what seems an age to your overworked leg muscles, you've reached your house
>It isn't very impressive; just an old barn, repurposed especially for your needs
>What is surprising though is the large amount of townsponies gathered around it
>Small conversations are running though the crowd, all of them in hushed, concerned tones
>You wade through the crowd, with Twilight following in your wake
>One brown stallion tugs at your shirt as you walk by
>"What have you got in there? It sounds like a wild animal!"
>Twilight starts hopping from hoof to hoof nervously
>Her face wrinkles in concern
>"Oh no, oh no, I was afraid something like this might happen"
>Something like what?
>As if to answer your question, a deafening roar comes from inside your house
>This sends the ponies into disarray, and they flee in all directions
>It's just you and Twilight
>And whatever has taken up residence in your home

"Level with me Twilight. What's going on? What are we up against?"
>She's clearly worried about the noise, but there's something else
>She's ashamed
>"Well, sometimes when Spike does something greedy, he... changes"
>You pull out your keys and fumble with the lock
"Changes how?"
>You call over your shoulder
>"Well, for one thing..."
>You open the door and are confronted with a huge green eye
>"...He get's a lot bigger"
>You shit a brick. Metaphorically speaking
>Slowly, you back away until you are standing next to Twilight
>She gulps and tries to reason with the monster
>"Now.. uh.. Spike, remember what happened last time you did this?"
>Spike opens his giant maw and screeches at you both
>Okay, that's it
"Spike! Get out of my house and gimme back the gems!"
>This elicits a surprising response
>Th corners of Spikes mouth pull back, almost in a snarling gesture
>But he's smiling
>And you can see why
>On the floor of your hallway, lies the bag
>Spike is at this point too big to grab it himself, but, using that ridiculously mobile tongue of his to great effect, he snakes a gem out of it
>The last gem
>Twilight gasps
>You're both pretty desperate here
"Spike, I swear to god, if you don't put that gem back right now-"
>He swallows it whole
"You fucker!"
>He isn't listening
>That one final act of outrageous greed has pushed him over the edge

>Twilight tugs on your arm
>"Anon, we have to move! Like right now!"
>You nod, and retreat with her to a safe distance
>Looking back at your house, Spike's huge body is visible through your windows
>For a moment, there is silence
>Then, with a great rumbling sound, it begins
>The walls of your home expand, arching out as if the building was filled with water
>Then, Spikes massive head bursts through your roof
>His growth spurt has destroyed your house
>Grim faced, you watch
>Twilight looks more upset than you do
>"I... Anon, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault"
>There are tears in her eyes
>"If I'd been more sensible with the gems, none of this would have ever happened. What do we do?"
>You're still staring at the huge dragon as he tears apart your house
"Twilight, could you do me a favour?"
>She wipes her eyes
>"Anything, Anon"
"Can you coat my body in some sort of magicky barrier? So it won't get burned?"
>She gives you a puzzled look, but does as you ask
"Oh, and one more thing"
>You look back up at the dragon
"Don't judge me for this"
>She looks confused
>"For what?"
>You don't answer
>Instead, you stride towards the beast
>"Anon! What are you doing?!"
>You keep walking
>You're within shouting distance now
"Hey! Spike!"
>He looks at you for a second, then dismisses you
>You hate being ignored
>Winding back your arm, you swing your fist into his scaly foot
>This does nothing
>Without looking at you, Spike deftly flicks his leg into you, sending you sprawling on the grass
>You get up, unperturbed
"I didn't want to have to do this, Spike"
>Still no reaction
"You're really forcing my hand on this one"
>Nothing
"Okay, you asked for it"
>You take a deep breath
>This had better work the way you hope it will
"I FUCKED RARITY!"
>In the background, you hear Twilight gasp in shock
>Spike, now facing away from you, busy collecting your belongings into what's left of your roof, stops still
>His ear twitches
>It's working
"YOU HEARD ME! I GAVE HER THE DICK LIKE A ZULU WARRIOR!"
>He turns to you, hatred burning in his eyes
>Oh shit
>He throws his head back and gives a Godzilla roar
"Eat me you big dumb lizard!"
>His massive head swoops down and engulfs you whole
>Phase one of incredibly stupid plan: accomplished
>It sure is warm in here
>You struggle to stand inside Spikes mouth
>His tongue flicks around this way and that
>It catches you by the ankle
>Fuck, abort plan, abort plan!
>You are thrown into Spikes gullet
>Pushing out your arms, your descent is slowed
>You are stuck inside Spikes massive throat
>Now what?

Twilights POV
>You watch in horror as Anon is swallowed by Spike
>"Spike! No!"
>He's too far gone to hear you
>You begin to charge, your horn glowing as you prepare a spell
>It won't stop Spike, he's too big
>But you have to try something
>Suddenly, Spike stops in his tracks
>He scratches at his throat
>It appears he is choking
>Horrible noises are emanating from Spikes mouth
>He sounds like Rarities cat when it coughs up hairballs
>You finally understand Anons plan
>Without warning, Spike looses the entire contents of his stomach onto the floor in front of him
>Out comes Anon, protected from the dragon vomit by his barrier
>Out come the gems, swallowed whole and intact
>Out come carrots, for no reason in particular
>Spike looks at the mess on the floor and begins to shrink
>A look of sadness and guilt washes over his face as the realization of what he had done hit him
>Anon still isn't moving

Anons POV
>You lay still on the ground
>Everything hurts
>That'll be the stomach acid
>Twilights shield worked though, otherwise you'd be extra crispy right now
>You push yourself up onto your elbows
>Spike, back in baby form, is lying next to you
>He groggily sits up and makes eye contact with you
>His eyes widen in shock, remembering all he'd done
>"Anon- I- I'm sorry..."
>You don't say anything
>His eyes tear up
>"I dunno what came over me. I just... You gotta believe me, I never meant for any of this to happen"
>You unsteadily get to your feet
>He kneels before you, head lowered
>"Anything you feel like you have to do to me to make this right, please do it now"
>You look down upon him
>This dragon not only stole from you, but drugged you and now has destroyed your house
>You should open up on him right now
>Really wreck his shit
>But... He's a kid
"Go home, Spike"
>You turn and begin to collect the gems
>"Anon! Don't hurt him!"
>You turn to see Twilight picking her way through the unstained areas of grass
>Nobody wants to get covered in dragon vomit
>Apart from you, apparently
>It's a shame Twilights spell didn't keep off all the stains
"Relax, Twilight. Take him home, he's had a rough day"
>You replace the gems inside the retrieved saddle bag
>Twilight is staring at you with a mixture of relief and exhaustion
>Why is she tired? You're the one who just got puked
>"What now?"
>She asks
>You shoulder the bag
"Now? I've got a delivery to make"
>You walk off towards the direction of the setting sun
>"Anon! The train station is that way! And you're still covered in vomit!"
>Don't ruin this Twilight, you look badass

>One shower/train ride later, you stand before the throneroom in Canterlot Castle
>It's taken you all day, and you are utterly spent
>But you did it
>You made the delivery
>You push the doors of the throneroom open
>Princesses Celestia and Luna stand in the center of the room, surrounded by little shards and fragments of gemstone
>In the corner lay all the tributes from around Equestria
>A pile of gems, all irreplaceable
>What was left of them, anyway
>"Do another one, Cel"
>Celestia levitates a gem over
>Suspending it in mid air, she giggles
>"Okay, go!"
>Luna shoots a beam of energy from her horn, shattering the gem, and creating a firework-esque light show
>"Ten points!"
>Luna shouts in glee
>Well fuck
>After all you've been through to bring these here
>All the ceremony, all the pageantry
>When really you were delivering a fun, albeit expensive, pastime

"Ahem"
>You make your presence known
>Both the princesses visibly jump in surprise
>Celestia regains her composure first
>"We- We were not aware that there were any regional tributes still..."
>You raise a hand
"Save it. I'm going to make this simple. Today, my house got wrecked by a purple behemoth. Fix it, and I'll forget what I saw"
>Luna looks angry
>"You dare try to blackmail-"
>Celestia silences her
>"Anonymous, is it?"
>You nod
>"It's clear that you've been through a lot to bring the annual gem tribute here today. For that service, we shall restore to you your home."
"Thank you princess. Now if you'll excuse me"
>You make your exit
>"Oh, Anonymous?"
>You turn
>"My student, Twilight Sparkle, informs me you have recently acquired a special somepony. Congratulations"
>Her grin could only be described as shit eating
>Your face turns bright red
>You can see Luna stifling laughter
>What did Twilight tell them?
>No, you're done here
>As you walk down the palace steps into the cool night air, you promise yourself
>Never put down your drink
>Fucking Dragon piss