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May 16th, 2015
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  1. ///////////////////////////////////////////////
  2. // TryToBeAGoodPerson - pseudocode - v0.1
  3. ///////////////////////////////////////////////
  4.  
  5. function tryToBeAGoodPerson(parents, society) {
  6.     var you = newPerson();
  7.     you.socialCapital = 100; // default value at birth
  8.    
  9.     while (isAlive(you)) {
  10.         var situation = shitHappens(parents, society);
  11.        
  12.         if (situation.isProblem()) {
  13.             var itsAllGood = dealWithIt(situation);
  14.  
  15.             if (itsAllGood) {
  16.                 you.socialCapital += 1;
  17.                 you.moveOn();
  18.             } else {
  19.                 // sucks, but nothing to do about it
  20.                 you.areStressedOut();
  21.  
  22.                 if (you.haveFriendsWhoWillListenToYourBullshit()) {
  23.                     you.complainToFriends();
  24.                     you.socialCapital -= 1;
  25.                     moveOn();
  26.                 } else if (you.haveMoney()) {
  27.                     you.complainToTherapist();
  28.                     you.moveOn();
  29.                 }
  30.             }
  31.         }
  32.  
  33.         if (socialCapital < 0) {
  34.             if (you.haveMoney()) {
  35.                 you.complainFrequentlyToTherapist();
  36.             } else {
  37.                 you.becomeAWriter();
  38.             }
  39.         }
  40.     }
  41. }
  42.  
  43. function isTrulyFucked(situation) {
  44.     if(situation.includes(MENTAL_ILLNESS) || situation.includes(ABUSE)) {
  45.         return TRUE;
  46.     } else {
  47.         return FALSE;
  48.     }
  49. }
  50.  
  51. function dealWithIt(situation) {
  52.     if (situation.canBeSolvedWithMoney() && you.haveMoney()) {
  53.         you.throwMoneyAtProblem(situation);
  54.         return TRUE; // success at a cost (money points)
  55.     } else {
  56.         if (isTrulyFucked (situation)) {
  57.             // situation is truly fucked
  58.             if you.isWillingToLookLikeAnAsshole() {
  59.                 you.doSomethingCrazy();
  60.                 you.socialCapital -= 10;
  61.  
  62.                 return TRUE; // success at a cost (reputation points)
  63.             } else {
  64.                 return FALSE; // failure
  65.             }
  66.         }
  67.     }    
  68. }
  69.  
  70. function areWillingToLookLikeAnAsshole(person) {
  71.     if (you.careWhatFriendsThinkAboutYou()) {
  72.         return FALSE;
  73.     } else if (you.careWhatFamilyThinksAboutYou()) {
  74.         return FALSE;
  75.     } else if (you.careWhatSocietyThinksAboutYou()) {
  76.         return FALSE;
  77.     } else {
  78.         // you truly don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about you
  79.         return TRUE;
  80.     }
  81. }
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