Diaz Plan Chapter 13

The Captain of the Guard of the Butterfly family palace was an oddity. Rather than humanoid, he was a clanking, rattling humanoid mechanism, a sort of steam-powered robot, all polished brass tubes and clicking, spinning gears. A large clock made up his chest. Because of this, he was called Captain TickTock by most, nobody being quite sure what his real name was. He had been recruited from another dimension at some point during the travels of the Queen and the King, and had the eccentric habit of insisting that he wasn't a robot.

He had a reputation for caring for the men of the guard, trying his best to shield them from the Queen's sometimes brutal whims. Like right now, for example, when the Queen was sending patrol after patrol after Mr. Diaz, not caring in the slightest that they didn't return.

Star watched Captain TickTock (who she had always known as Uncle TickTock) hiss and clank his way through the dungeon hallways, towards the cell holding Mrs. Diaz. She hid in the shadows cast by the torchlight, her princess attire abandoned for one of the rough spun tunics the peasants wore, and a hooded cloak. TickTock was holding two steaming bowls of stew that he had picked up from the royal kitchen.

"Boys, boys!" he called out to the two guards flanking Mrs. Diaz's cell. "How are things down here, then? How's the witch?"

"I told you, I'm not a witch. My HUSBAND is a WARLOCK," Mrs. Diaz's voice echoed across the dungeon, followed by a snort. "What are you, from the steampunk dimension?"

Captain TickTock ignored her, turning to the guards, handing them the bowls of stew. "Here you go, boys."

"Cap'n, when is our relief gonna be here? We've been down here for a day straight," moaned one of the guards.

TickTock released a spray of steam from one of his valves that Star recognized as his manner of sighing. "I know, I know. I'm short on men. The Queen keeps sending them after that damned Warlock and none of them ever come back."

"My husband is going to tear this castle apart brick by brick to come get me," said Mrs. Diaz. "And he's going to mount your stupid brass head as a decoration above our fireplace. After he burns this entire city to the ground."

TickTock waved idly at her. "Lads, I'm sorry. But after the Queen discovered that the Princess was missing, she sent out more patrols looking for her. I had to send your relief out on patrol. I have other men I could send to replace you...but...you know how some of the guards talk, lately. I know you're both loyal Queen's men. I need good, loyal men watching this prisoner. You know what I'm saying?"

"I've heard the other men talk," piped up the younger of the two guards. "You should hang them for treason, you should, the way they go on!"

TickTock clapped a cold metal hand on his shoulder. "Ah, lad. If I could. But right now, we take what we can, you understand? Men like you, you're the backbone of this guard. You're the core I need to hold things together."

"Do you even know who my husband is? Do you think your pissant little dimension is the first he's been to?" Mrs. Diaz leaned up to the bars of the cell. "Let me go now, and I'll tell him to just go back to earth, no questions asked. If he has to break in here to get me, everyone is going to suffer, but YOU two specifically. What chance do you really think you stand if he decides-"

Star gasped silently as TickTock stepped forward and slapped Mrs. Diaz, sending her flying back into the cell. "I'm sorry for that, Ma'am," said the steam-powered robot, "but I will not have you personally threatening my men." Stepping back, he seemed to hesitate. "You boys have relief coming in a few hours, but maybe I should stay down here with you until then. Make sure things stay screwed on straight." Star bit her lip. She hoped that the Captain wouldn't stay. She had memories of watching him practice swords in the courtyard. He might clank and rattle and hiss, but she had never seen anyone move faster with a blade.

"Ah, no, Cap'n," said the older guard, gruffly. "You gotta deal with the Queen and all. We can keep an eye on this prisoner."

Captain TickTock nodded. "You're good men," he said. "We make it through this, I'll see you both get promotions." He began clanking his way back, out of the dungeon. As he passed Star, he paused, and Star held her breath. She knew her Uncle TickTock also possessed some keen senses. There was a reason he was Captain of the Guard. After what seemed like an eternity, he kept moving, disappearing up the stairs.

Star was prepared to fight the guards, but she was in luck. They both fell asleep shortly after finishing their dinner. She tiptoed past them, taking the key ring from a peg on the wall, and approached the cell.

Star winced when she saw Mrs. Diaz. She had a rapidly swelling black eye from the slap TickTock had given her. She also looked like she had been crying, and Star realized she must be worried sick about Marco. "Who are you," she said, miserably.

Star threw back her hood and put a finger to her lips as Mrs. Diaz's eyes widened in surprise. She fiddled with the lock, quietly as she could, wincing with every tortured squeal the ancient metal gave, but the two guards seemed to be dead asleep. Finally she pulled back the bars and Mrs. Diaz slipped through. Star took her hand and silently led her to a small alcove in the wall that concealed a passageway into some of the winding, hidden tunnels that were built into the Castle.

Once they were far enough away from the dungeon, in an area where Star knew sound wouldn't carry, she spun around and embraced Mrs. Diaz. "I'm so sorry!" she cried. "Mrs. Diaz, I'm so sorry my mom is doing all this. Oh my god, I can't believe Uncle TickTock hit you. Are you okay?"

"Oh, Star, I'm okay, I'm fine. I just want to get home, Marco must be worried sick. I hope he's okay."

Star stepped back, still grasping Marco's mother by the arms. She had been trying not to think too much about Marco. "I know," she whispered. "Uh, Mrs. Diaz? Were you serious when you said Mr. Diaz was going to...you know...tear the castle apart brick by brick and burn the city to the ground?"

"Oh, Star," Mrs. Diaz said in a reassuring tone of voice, "Burning it to the ground is the least of what he'll do."

"Wh....why did you say that like it was supposed to make me feel better?"

Mrs. Diaz sighed, eyes shimmering, clasping her hands together. "My husband is just...very passionate, let's say. I'm afraid if he doesn't see me as soon as possible, he's going to do something destructive. And sexy," she added under her breath.

"Hmmm," said Star. "I was going to try to hole you up in here while I tried to steal a pair of dimensional scissors for you guys, but if that's the case, maybe I should get you to him as quickly as I can."

Mrs. Diaz smiled and nodded, and Star wondered if her bruised eye was going to cost some people their lives. She led Marco's mother by the hand again. The tunnels became tighter, darker, the walls rough and damp. After what felt like hours of walking, they emerged in a cave that led out into the forests of Mewni.

Mrs. Diaz breathed in deeply. "Ah, that fresh air feels good." She looked up into the sky, where the gigantic burning eye her husband had summoned hung like an omen of doom. "Oh," she cooed, "He always did have a flair for the dramatic."

Star thought it was oddly adorable how Mr. Diaz was apparently ready to commit war crimes to save his wife, but it was still her family and her people that were threatened, and regardless of how much of a jerk her mother was being she'd rather not have a war started over all this. "Allllright, Mrs. Diaz, let's get you back to your husband as quick as possible, so nobody's home has to be turned into a pile of ash. After I drop you off there, I'll come back to the castle to pick up some dimensional scissors. Or who knows, maybe your husband found some way to get back to earth."

Mrs. Diaz sighed. "I don't really think it's that easy, Star. What's to prevent your mother from just coming back to earth to arrest us again?"

Star opened her mouth, shut it, opened it again, and then shut it again. She hadn't really thought of that. "Uh. Hmmm."

"And," Mrs. Diaz said quietly, "What would YOU do, then? Even if your mother left us alone, would you be okay with leaving earth? With never seeing Marco again?" Mrs. Diaz was a shadow in the forest, her eyes glittering in the dark.

Star's heart felt like it was being tied in knots. "No," she whispered miserably, wiping her eyes.

Mrs. Diaz gave out a sly little laugh. "Well," she said, grasping Star's hand, "I do agree that maybe we should get me to my husband as quickly as possible. But maybe on the way there, you and I can have a bit of a talk."

Star felt odd, the way Mrs. Diaz said that, but she nodded silently, and led Marco's mother into the forests and swamps of Mewni.