A Thief in the Night

>Night has fallen on Canterlot Palace, and with it, so have your chances of being discovered
>For you are Anonymous
>Thief extraordinaire
>Sultan of stealth!
>Prince of pilfering!
>Archduke of appropriation!
>And tonight, you are going to steal something very valuable
>Ever since you came to this land of ponies, you'd been making a name for yourself with your daring heists
>Not that the general public knew it was you, of course
>The criminal underworld, however, had its suspicions
>But as far as they knew, you were only the middleman
>You were pretty good at covering your tracks
>Before long, the more rich and morally dubious ponies would actively approach you
>Looking to hire your "expert" for various tasks
>Planting evidence, taking items, taking bits...
>You kept a detailed list of your clientele and their tasks
>Hey, they might be rich, but that doesn't mean they're smart
>Unlike you, who sees the potential in having readily-available blackmail material
>But this latest task was different
>The client interacted with you through a third party
>A middleman to talk to the middleman
>You didn't mind, clients competent enough to keep their identity secret usually had the most interesting requests
>This one was no exception

>They wanted your "expert" to steal something from Canterlot Palace
>You nearly lost your composure at the absurdity of the target
>"Are you serious?", you had asked
>"Very much so. Can your expert handle the job, or shall I go hire somepony else?"
>"Heh. My expert can certainly handle your job. I just hope your employer knows what they're doing."
>"Believe me, sir. My employer understands perfectly."
>You snap back to reality
>Can't keep daydreaming on the job, that's how you get sloppy
>Getting sloppy means getting caught
>And getting caught on a job like this is not an option
>You check your gear
>Got your utility gloves, your pack, your rope, some cloth strips, a few assorted potions (and... other medicines,) and a couple very special rings
>You slip on your gloves
>They're only useful possession you've got from your previous life
>These gloves were fucking amazing
>The enchantments on them let you grab and move stuff from a distance and even summon whatever you wanted out of them
>You never needed to carry your set of lockpicks again, after acquiring those gloves
>You stole them, of course
>After all, you're the kind of thief who hates leaving empty-handed
>You like to take something for yourself, once you've got your target
>It usually made things more difficult, yes, but it also made them much more interesting
>You melt into the shadows, avoiding the patrolling guards with ease
>You move through the halls, effortlessly

>Something bugged you, though
>Was the palace's security really this terrible?
>There were far less guards than you expected there to be
>You made sure to pay extra attention to your surroundings
>By the time you reached your destination, you knew something was definitely up
>Standing at the door were two guardsponies, a unicorn and a pegasus
>You needed to get through that door
>...Good thing you had your gloves
>You glance further up the hallway
>That vase looks nice and distracting!
>You grab it with the gloves and chuck it against the wall
>The sound of the vase shattering causes the guards to spin in its direction
>"What was that? Is somepony there?"
>The unicorn's horn glows, and a light spell shoots over to where the vase used to be
>"Great, another one broke. Go get the cleaners, would you, Smiles?"
>The pegasus salutes, and flies off
>One down, one to go
>You silently make your way up to the remaining guard
>You pull out a strip of cloth and grab your bottle of chloroform
"Nighty-night."
>The guard doesn't get a chance to do anything but take a nice, long, nap
>You smile to yourself as you slip through the door
>...And find yourself in Princess Celestia's bedchambers

>Your target is finally in sight
>You've stolen plenty of odd things before, in your time
>Recipe books, food, clothing, bedsheets, pets...
>None of those could compare to this job
>Princess Celestia is sound asleep in her bed
>You pull out your chloroform once more, as well as one of those special rings and some rope
>Time to steal a princess
>You slip the ring on her horn, preventing her from casting any magic
>She stirs slightly, but doesn't seem to wake up
>You grab the rope and tie down her wings
>How the fuck is she still sleeping?
>You work on tying her front legs together, and she lets out a short sigh
>This doesn't feel right
>Nothing should sleep through all this shit
>You finish with her front legs and start on her hind legs
>Then, it hits you. Oh, how clever of her
>You finish tying her hind legs and move up to her head again
>Her eyes are still closed, but her breathing seems to have picked up slightly
>You pull out a few strips of cloth
"You're a bad actress, Princess."
>...And gag her with them
>Her eyes shoot open
"I'm not that stupid."

>She looks a little disappointed
"Somepony is paying good coin for me to steal you, you know. You should be honored."
>The look of confusion on her face is priceless
"You should probably go back to sleep now."
>You give her some chloroform, and pull out a couple potions
>You quaff two of them, feeling much lighter than usual and far stronger
>Featherfall and Fortify Strength, never go on a job without 'em
>You heft the unconscious Princess over your shoulder and walk out onto the balcony
>Just a simple jump and a bit of a fall down, and you're home free
>But you haven't gotten anything for yourself, this time
>Can you pass up this opportunity?
>You glance over to your right and notice another balcony
>The other Princess' room is just next door, and the lights are off
>Are you a bad enough dude to steal two Princesses at once?
>Yes, you are
>You hop on over to the other balcony, gently setting Celestia down
>You're going to need both arms free to deal with Luna
>You slip inside the room, finding Luna laying on her bed, reading a book
>She looks up at you, a bored expression on her face
>"It's about time you got here."
>You freeze
>"I've been waiting all night for you to come steal me."

"What are you talking about?"
>"I hired you to steal me, didn't I?"
"Steal you?"
>She frowns
>"Were your instructions not clear?"
>You facepalm
"No. All I was told was to steal 'The Princess,' not you."
>"I shall have to have a word with that guard."
"He was a guard?!"
>"Who else would I send? And anyway, if you're not here to steal me, what are you here for?"
>She hops up off her bed and walks over to you
"Well-"
>She notices her sister's unconscious form on the balcony
>She shoots you an angry look
>"Really? My sister?"
>She punches you with a hoof
>"I have half a mind to decline your payment."
>Time to think fast
"If you want, I could still steal you."
>She raises an eyebrow
>"Oh? And what makes you think I would simply let you steal me after all this?"
>You pull out some more rope and the other magic-inhibiting ring, behind your back
"You're going to let me steal you, because you don't have any other choice."
>"Is that so?"
"Yep."
>You slide the ring on her horn, and trip her
>"Hey!"
>You quickly tie her front legs together
>"Stop it!"
>And just as quickly, you tie her hind legs together
>"This is highly inappropriate!"
>You heft her over your shoulder
"Am I going to have to gag you like I did your sister?"
>"No, but-"
"But nothing. You hired me to steal you, so I'm doing my job."

>You walk out onto the balcony and heft Celestia over your other shoulder
>You've got your target, your client, and your "bonus," now
>Time to get to the dropoff point and complete the job
>You leap from the balcony, letting the featherfall potion do its job
>You land safely outside the castle walls, and jog off, into the mountains
>Luna is mostly silent during the trip there
>She does make the occasional comment about how nice it is to be outside the palace
>She also makes a few comments about how you need to "Watch where you're putting those 'hands' of yours"
>You eventually find the small cabin that served as your dropoff point
>You set down both Celestia and Luna, just outside the cabin
>"Well, despite your screw up, we're here. I suppose you can still be paid. Untie me and remove this... ring."
>You hesitate
"Not until you explain where all the guards went. That was way too easy."
>"Gave them the night off, of course. Now would you please untie me?"
"Makes sense, I guess. And you're not going to have me arrested or anything, are you? I was technically acting under your orders, you know."
>Luna sighs
>"No, you won't be arrested. Untie me."
>You rub your chin
"Hmmm... alright."

>Luna smiles
>"Finally! You know, you're not so bad for a common thief."
>You smile back at her
"Princess, I'm anything but common. Do you know why I didn't just leave with your sister?"
>You glance over at Celestia, who is miraculously still sleeping
>Confusion paints her face
>"...No?"
>You lean forward
"I never leave a job without taking a little something extra for myself."
>You give her a wink
>She blushes and stammers
>"Uh- um- what- er-"
"Tell you what. We can forget about my payment for this job... if I can have you."
>"Wh-what are you- are you asking me to- what?"
"You want to have a little fun, Princess?"
>Luna's eyes widen in surprise
>"Um- I- ...Okay."
>Celestia eventually woke up, and after you apologized and Luna explained what was going on, she decided not to banish you to the moon
>You thanked her for her kindness
>On the way back to the palace, you noticed her giving you a few odd looks
>Luna later told you that her sister had a few... fetishes
>Fetishes you may or may not have indulged when you tied her up
>The palace was in an uproar over the disappearance of both Princesses
>Everyone calmed down when you strode in with them
>And true to Luna's word, you didn't get arrested
>You did, however, decide to make this your last great heist... Almost
>You stole one last thing before leaving the palace
>A kiss from the Night.