gay

the first experience with non binary genders I experienced was with a trans woman named Jazz in early elementary school. At the time 'he' went by Fez. Fez was quite different for the time. He wore a lot of cheesy and hideous cheap clothes. Later on I'd find she lived in a foster family. The clothes were like the Walmart teen section for girls. There were so many accessories from Claire's. Pierced ears, bracelets, pins, Hair clips and scrunchies. and Fez was at the time about 4 years older than me. I would see them on the second play ground that was for older kids and we would always fantasize about what they were doing or thinking or why they were doing it. We thought it was weird.  We thought it was pointless. We didn't really understand it, but I was fascinated. At the time, I wasn't accepting I was gay.


During the v4c period of my life I found an album that i would call my  favorite. it's called Jordan Mason and the Horse Museum and it's about How Jordan goes through a relationship with a trans person and is trying to make sense of their love for their partner now that he doesn't recognize the genitals that he was familiar with. He met the boy, fell in love with him, married him and then the transition started. It is about how he came to understand his love for them conflicted with his sexual orientation when he realized that he wouldn't be with a man anymore. The sex he has with his partner becomes confusing and he doesn't understand their body anymore. He doesn't understand what to say in the hospital and he doesn't understand the process because neither of them know what will happen.
I related with the idea that I didn't know what I was looking at when it came to having sex with someone else. I didn't feel like it was about a block fitting into a hole in a child's toy. I became a complex of tubes and protrusions that all had to do with an extremely complicated and varied system that was considered the sexual parts of my body. Not only did I need to understand that, but I needed to understand my partner's body with the exact same familiarity that I had to have with my own with my own body.


Valentines day, junior year of high school. It was the first valentines day that I'd ever had a valentine, so I was determined to see William. This was at least the second time I saw him. I think that I'd gone on a train ride to see him after the first awkward visit to New York in DC, but I might be mistaken. My mom did not trust me going alone, so we decided we would go to see him and she would stay to see Washington DC and I would stay with William in his dorm room at Georgetown University. This was paramount to how I would see love for the rest of my life. This was going to be my time just like in the movies. Just like in Breakfast at Tiffany's and Juno (the only romances at the time that I'd ever believe).

Will told me about this concept called New Romanticism. It's about how all of the rules that applied to our parents didn't exist anymore and love could be more about two people together in a constantly changing new world doing whatever they could to stay together. We were raised on the internet. We saw each other every day through the internet. We bonded by the things we typed and thought, not the things we said and did. We felt intimacy between each other 2000 miles away from each other every night we fell asleep on the phone together. Technology gave us everything but the physical contact of regular relationships. New Romanticism also included acceptance to love anybody you want, regardless of gender, sex, race and background. just two people in love through any means.