Poetic or Punning Title, Pt. 1

She took off her plot armor and put it on the table.

"How many more sentences until I am a fully developed character?" she asked.

"That depends, how much character development will you need to be emotionally compelling and potentially waifu-worthy?" He made a facial expression.

This exchange had been going on for exactly twenty-seven words, and they were no closer to resolving their overarching verbal conflict. Now they stood facing each other while the third-person omniscient narrator defined their physical characteristics in a pretentious show of verbal diarrhea. The setting was described in a way that invoked the tropes of a popular genre; at the same time, it contained what the author considered his ("his" presumably because females do not write monster girl fanfiction) characteristic verbal ticks, which he hoped would set it apart from the generic fantasy writing he was imitating. The characters' names and species were mentioned in an offhanded way, in order to move the story forward without looking like it was trying too hard. The author knew deep down that no one cared about his setting and were only interested in seeing their fetishes pandered to in the inevitable event that these aforementioned characters had sex. But that wouldn't happen until the end of the story.

He checked his grammar, found fault in it, but decided to leave it alone.

"This is where I indicate that I am a manticore, without explicitly saying I am a manticore," the manticore said.

"And this is where I say something suggestive of my point of view as an audience surrogate, thrown into a world of monsters who may or may not live on masculine sexual release." He wasn't sure if the author wanted to depart from KC's setting, which presumably the reader was familiar with.

The author decided to depart from KC's setting, while retaining the sexual monster bits. "Fuck KC," he thought.

It was more than six lines in, and the characters had not called each other by their names. This was done to establish a close, informal relationship between the two.

Something unexpected happened. It was described in terse sentences to heighten the tension.

"Deflationary comedy!" yelled a third, newly introduced character. The other two looked at her incredulously. The author milked the scene for every last drop of its comedic potential and then mentioned the species of the interloper. She was a lesser-known KC creation, written to satisfy the author that he'd used a relatively unloved monster girl. The reader knew intuitively that she would be engaging in sexual acts with the male character. And possibly the female character. Maybe a kinky threesome, or a harem end. The reader touched himself in anticipation.

"Self-Insert, give me back the MacGuffin!" She did something involving her monster parts.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Self-Insert said sarcastically. He did in fact know what she was talking about, but withheld this knowledge so as to create conflict and move the plot forward.

The author made a painfully unfunny joke. The characters remained wooden.

More side characters were entering the story. They went unnamed and influenced the events indirectly and had MGE/thread-cannon stereotypes for personalities. Despite their brief screen time ("screen time" in reference to anime, whose tropes the author was shamelessly using) they managed to have as many if not more interesting character traits than the main female lead, which was worrying. The female lead in turn flaunted her gimmicks to differentiate her from the pack, which the author created hoping to keep the readers' attention. He also hopped that someone would cancerously promote his story, possibly causing a drawfag to depict one of its characters doing the moe thing they were most known for. This would guarantee him brief thread fame, the likes of which might rival Bob or Nega or any such thread personality who wrote insipidly uninspired or fetishistic garbage.

.less would do it. He would be happy if .less did it.

But the author was getting ahead of himself. He introduced a character that had recently gained flavor-of-the-month popularity. If the story was timed well enough to match the thread's trends it would be extremely popular. But it was still missing something.

The author made another bad joke. His sense of humor was so autistic he even made the reader cringe. A great feat, considering how low we set our standards in search of blatant wish fulfillment. Is this meta-fiction bullshit getting tiring yet?

The tone of the narrative noticeably darkened, suggesting that something dramatic and possibly story-defining was on the way.

"Hey, Self-Insert-kun..."

"What?"

[The flavor-of-the-month girl did something cute and displayed girlish weakness. This stimulated the masculine protection instinct in the reader.]

"Something from my tragic past is forcing me into conflict with you..." She said this either fearfully or disdainfully. Whichever would drive the biggest rift between them, that would later rejoin and culminate in redemptive smut.

A long and emotionally exploitative sequence of events followed. This strongly appealed to the typical /mgg/ reader, who felt strong sympathy for the cute female character that he would not have felt had she not been a cute female character. He rooted for Self-Insert to act on his behalf.

The author got tired of waiting and unleashed the smut.

Twenty five synonyms for "penis" were used, twenty two for "vagina", and multiple generic tactile descriptors like "silky", "smooth" and "rough". It looked something like this:

Self-Insert ran his hands down her [DESCRIPTOR] [BODY PART]. He pinched her [BODY PART] and then [SEXUAL ACT] it gently.

But wait, this was a MG, so it was more like:

Flavor-of-the-month-chan forced Self-Insert-kun to do a sexual act commonly perceived as submissive, or dominant. Then she did something fetishy and esoteric, while the author struggled to describe something he had not nor ever would experience. Despite containing the worst grammar and least coherent description yet, the scene managed to be highly erotic and cheaply fap-worthy. The reader was placated.

The story came to an abrupt and poorly thought-out end.

Hopefully Pt. 2 of the story would correct this and make it seem intentional.