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Narrator: One day a little boy was sitting up on Grandpa's lap. Grandpa was smoking a cigar.

Little Boy: "Grandpa, can I have a puff of your cigar?"
Grandpa: "Does your dick touch your asshole?"
Little Boy: "No."
Grandpa: "Then you can't have a puff of my cigar."

Narrator: Little bit latter the boy is on Grandpa's lap again and Grandpa was drinking a beer.

Little Boy: "Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer?"
Grandpa: "Does your dick touch your asshole?"
Little Boy: "No."
Grandpa: "Then you can't have a sip of my beer."

Narrator: About 3 days later the boy is out on the porch with a plate of cookies.

Grandpa: "Ohh, look at them, can I have one of your cookies?"
Little Boy: "Does your dick touch your asshole?"
Grandpa: "Yes it does."
Little Boy: "Then go fuck yourself. Grandma made these for me."