Merciless Compass

Shock reverberated through your arms. A numbing, desensitizing trauma that left your sweat slicked palms clutching desperately at the hilt of your weapon. Not a sword, though its shape was similar, but a branch reinforced by Wisp at your instructor's whim. It could shatter a boulder and not so much as creak; You knew as much because you'd seen her do it just to test it. What had she seen when looking over the destruction left in its wake? What more could she possibly have expected from a simple branch? That disappointed click of her tongue brought out an involuntary flinch, so often had it been directed at your own training.

But a second shock nearly made you drop the stick in hand, scrambling desperately to create distance across the torn up forest floor. For every stumble you took back, your opponent glided three with effortless grace. Escape was impossible, in a moment you could be overwhelmed and the footwork required to prevent that wasn't something you could produce already off balance. You knew that. The moment your focus slipped was when everything was decided. Still you rallied, throwing everything you had into a sideward dive to arrest your own backpedalling momentum and try to reclaim solid footing. Just because you were going to lose didn't mean this would stop; It never stopped. She would catch you, beat you, allow you to break free and then do it over again. And again. And again. And again.

That window of false hope was something you'd internalized as a lie already. It wasn't a mistake - Alouette didn't make mistakes. Each gap you shamelessly seized to pull away and marshall your trembling legs into a defensive stance drove you further into a corner. This was [i]mercy[/i]. An acknowledgement that you'd failed, and a strict refusal to let that be the end of it. One more chance. Do it again.

The third shock drove your weapon from your senseless fingers, leaving you grasping at air like an idiot as your hands spasmed. Your eyes widened, scanning the surroundings in a panic for where it'd gone, for something you could use, for anything.

But as her fist sunk into your gut you knew it was too late. You were already crumpling forward as the older woman's body flowed through you, one leg circling around your stance to lock your own while her gloved hand trailed your throat. In another situation, with anyone else, the proximity would have made you nervous... But as your head was forced back and your legs swept, all you felt was vertigo, pain, and the sole of her boot being brought down on your throat.

"Tsk." Your eyes closed, letting out a breath you'd not even realized you were holding as she stepped away. There was little more you could do but will yourself off your back and curl into a crippled mess on the ground. When she spoke again it wasn't to question what went wrong, but a scolding observation. "You lost focus."

A weak groan mewled out of your throat.

"What was more important than protecting yourself?" The rustle of grass from nearby told you Alouette had retrieved your lost armament, such as it was. You didn't bother to point out how one-sided the fight had been in the first place - She'd brooked no room for misunderstandings when you made your decision to meet with Artemis.

A vacuum of air preceeded the stick piercing the earth before you, prompting the premature end of your self-pity as you clumsily grasped hold of it to pull yourself to your knees. "Mother." You were Caylen Valen, son of Clara and Bryn Valen, cousin and childhood friend to the heir of House Valen... And a runaway. Deserter. Traitor. Any of those titles probably applied right now. "Why was she there? How did she find... How did she [i]know?[/i]"

"Your mother isn't a fool." Alouette answered evenly. "Her intuition is as sharp as any I've met."

"Yeah. I guess." You press your forehead tiredly against the wisp-infused stick. "...She's going to be alright, isn't she?"

"If Clara survives, she'll be in no shape to pursue us any further."

If. [i]If[/i] your mother survived. "I didn't think it'd come to this." Energy fed your leaden limbs as you very literally dragged your body to its feet on the support of the stick. "All we had to do was escape."

"And then?" You glowered balefully at your instructor, your guardian, the woman who had been at your side since you were a child... And she did not so much as flinch under the accusation. A steady, expectant gaze bored back. "Say we escaped. Would your mother retreat? Do you believe she rode out this far to accept returning empty handed?"

No. You both knew her better than that. When your mother arrived she had torn into camp without so much as a preamble and demanded your presence - Hearing your full name roared in the night had nearly made you rethink your course immediately. She came for answers, and when those answers weren't enough, she wasn't leaving without you. And who was going to stop her? Among your group the only one not under her employ was Maran, and she could hardly be expected to fight.

That was the end of your naive crusade... Until Alouette intervened.

"Did you have to go that far?" You insisted stubbornly. "What if..."

"Lord Caylen." She interrupted curtly, "Have you forgotten what we discussed the night I caught you spiriting away with the Jenseits girl?"

"..." Insistence turned to a scowl with a snort of frustration. "I know what I'm doing, Alouette."

"Then you know what the cost of championing their cause will be." No warmth cushioned her words, and there was little you could say in defense. "You abandoned your family for this. To make the change you're seeking, war [i]will[/i] come. The same war your mother and father have spent the last ten years trying to prevent."

"I know that." You grit.

"Then you know there will be no compromise." Alouette's even tone was relentless. "Your mother would sooner die than let her son be caught in the middle of it. If you're resolved to walk this path, then you knew what was at stake."

"Then what about you?!" A desperate shout rips from your throat, echoing in your ears as your heart thudded. "I knew what I was doing, [i]I[/i] did it-" Your open palm slapped at your chest emphatically. "-I never asked you to get involved!"

"Clara entrusted you to me."

A plain answer. One that explained nothing and only confused you further. "What does that have to do with anything? You may have killed her! You weren't supposed to protect me from my own mother!" Your chest burned as you scraped your heart for words to voice the fire in your veins. "You... Betrayed her!"

Silence stretched on as those words hung dangerously in the air. Too late to take them back, and too venomous to soften. You watched nervously as Alouette's face tightened... Before closing her eyes, a single breath of resignation carrying the tension from her body.

"If that is what you think," The woman acknowledged quietly. "I cannot hold it against you."

"That's it?" you struggled to find strength in your voice, doused in ice as Alouette's somber acceptance offered nothing. "That's all you have to say?"

"I love your mother."

"...Wh-" An awkward croaking reply was all you could manage. "What?"

"When you were born, you became her everything. The pride of her life, and the first thing to take precedence over her rivalry with your cousin's mother." Alouette continued on, heedless of your mounting bewilderment. "When that woman died, your mother became acting head of House Valen... You were young, then. I don't know how well you remember, but for a time she grew distant."

"She spent all of her time with Irue."

"There was more to it, but yes." Alouette nodded, "Her responsibilities as the new head mounted quickly, she was still grieving over her brother and sister in law... Though she would strangle herself before admitting the latter." A faint, intimate smile shadowed across your guardian's face. "Your cousin was all that was left of both of them."

"What does this have to do with anything?" You interrupt irritably.

The strawberry blonde woman fell silent, composing her words with care before continuing. "Clara did not ask to be a leader. All she has done, she did to protect the two of you. When war came, she wanted you and your cousin kept safe and close, beyond as many preparations as she could manage in the meantime."

"That doesn't excuse letting people suffer!" You bite back, "And doesn't explain what you did to her!"

"She entrusted you to me, to protect and guide you where she couldn't" Alouette repeated firmly, "Everything you've chosen to do will destroy her work these past years and thrust you into the center of a war. As the acting leader of House Valen, she can't support you. She can't help you. If she didn't stop you then, then she knew that this war would set you against each other."

"And you stopped her." You growled, feeling the focus of your ire dissipate into a more familiar helpless frustration.

"Your heart was set. If I had let her retrieve you, would you have obediently stayed?"

A painful sigh wracks your chest as you rip the stick from the ground. "No."

"Then it falls to me to protect you where she can not." Alouette concluded with finality. "This is the path you've chosen. Your sense of justice over family."

"And if she dies...?" You wipe the sweat from your brow, mixing it into your sleeve along with the beginnings of bitter tears.

"...Then her blood will be on my hands, not yours."

You knew what you were doing. It wasn't Maran's insistence on you being some Goddess chosen champion that enticed you down this road. Whether or not this was fate, divine providence, or naivety, you couldn't keep turning your back on people suffering... Especially when your family could have stopped it. You didn't need protection bought with the dispossession of your people; If throwing it away was what it took to do the right thing, if following your heart would take you down this path... If it ultimately set you against your own family.

"Again." You grunted, brandishing the stick in hand. Another shock tore through your shoulders as you turned away Alouette's opening slash, rejoined without so much as a word.

A strong moral compass would get you in trouble, or so your mother had said; It led her into it without fail when she was younger. If she had still followed hers, you knew she would have agreed with you - There was no way your mother could stand to see the nation fall apart as it was. But she strayed; Turned her back on it to protect her family... And you don't know if you could blame her for that. Yet when faced with those same decisions, you wouldn't - couldn't - do the same.

Your own compass had no such mercy for you.