ashes

Chandra stalked around the house that day, patrolling as any good soldier should. She was being left alone for the first time since she had gotten here, trusted with the care and defense of four babies, about a year old, and of course one white-haired toddler who followed her, mimicking her patrol route in near-lock step. She found it endearing; the child couldn’t know what she had been through, what she had done, but he took her as an example anyway.

She thought of it like protecting an objective while waiting for reinforcements to arrive. Consciously, she knew there wouldn’t be waves upon waves of clones, or robots, or Void forbid, sentients, here to defend from. But given an objective, she could no longer let herself rest. She couldn’t feel safe now.

Her patrol route soon led her upstairs, and into the bedrooms. A few times, she was startled by the animals wandering about, and left a few void-beam scorches on the wall to show for it. But no, it was only those proto-kavats and that proto-kubrow, minding their business. The tremendous pup seemed very concerned about her, whining and shoving his cold, wet nose into her palm. She didn’t understand, but gave him pets all the same, as you do with your loyal companions.

Eventually, she reached the room where the children were sleeping.

Three of them, of course, were resting as they should be, as peacefully as can be. But the last, a dark-skinned boy with straight, black hair, sat up watching her in utter silence, catching her off-guard. This one, she knew, had processing troubles and was very easily overstimulated. She was afraid to make any movement, for fear of setting him off, and so she could really only stare.

When she caught him in the eyes, though, she saw a gleam she thought she might never see again, even at such a young age as he was. It was a troubled look, as if the boy struggled to understand the world around him the same as the other children, as basic as that understanding would be. Her mind drifted back to the Zariman, about her time with the others who would become like her, and the boy in the back who no one would talk to. The boy who even Margulis couldn’t connect to. The one who was denied the same sleep as her and her fellows, who suffered despite himself to keep some unknown horror at bay. The one that she had been forced to end the suffering of.

She knew that look well, because she didn’t have the chance to connect before it all happened. It was one of the biggest regrets of her life, next to not assaulting the blue-skinned fuck the moment he took the Lotus away from them all.

She could feel the tears coming to her eyes. In an instant, she was thrown back to another time and place.

“Rell…?”

The child continued to watch her with those same troubled eyes as she drew closer, holding her hands up to show that she meant no harm.

“It’s me… it’s Chandra...” Now she was at the edge of the crib, her voice as soft as soft can be. “Do you remember me…? Probably not, huh… you really did find peace after all… I wish I could have been there sooner. I wish I could have done anything else. You deserved so much better… if any of us had known what it all meant… well, maybe it would have been different...”

–

“Chandra? I’m home, you’re off duty.”

Zora stepped into the house with an armload of bags, some grocery bags, but others from a nearby clothing store. She seemed surprised not to see the lost child immediately, but then, this was the first time she had been left alone. The thought that she might have thought she was being abandoned again struck her, and it felt like a knife to the gut.

She moved to set down the groceries, and the clothes, and began to scour the house for Chandra. She definitely couldn’t have gotten far, she was utterly lost on this iteration of Earth. She might have been cloaked, she realized, but what would be the purpose?

She eventually came across her newest daughter on the floor of the nursery, with one of the babies in her arms and the lights turned as low as they could go. She could hear the soft, choked sobs, and for a moment, was confused.

When she saw which child it was, she suddenly understood. After all, she had seen it through the dreams, and her nephew really did remind of all that...

Maybe it was better if she left them alone.