Tomorrow's Doom A.3/C.14 - Yesterday's Pain

Chapter 13: http://pastebin.com/HZud1tys
_______________________________________________
Act 3 – Dissonance
Chapter 14 – Yesterday's Pain

Sitting sleepily against the wall, my eyes flit open and dart around the strange room, uncertain where I've awakened. On the bed across from me, the disheveled form of my best friend, huddled into a fetal position under her blanket, sleeps fitfully. The sight reminds me where I spent the night. Amaya snores loudly and rolls around a lot, but I'm used to that. Having spent the night in her room on a few occasions before, I'm used to seeing her flop around, but the tears staining her cheeks are distressing.

Last night was cathartic. Not that I think she's done mulling it over logically or emotionally, but she aired a lot of grievances about Tadao, and I think it was good for her. However, it left me feeling drained; physically and mentally. Glancing at her wall-clock, it's too dark to read the hands -especially without my glasses- but the near-pitch-darkness means it's probably the middle of the night – or very early in the morning.

Leaning forward groggily, I start rubbing my neck reflexively; apparently I fell asleep sitting on the floor, and the position against the wall left a cramp in my neck and shoulders. Grimacing, I stand up slowly, but nearly fall over again; a rush of dizziness threatening to knock me off my unstable feet. Catching the back of her desk chair, I spin it around and sit heavily; leaning back and yawning as I continue rubbing my sore neck.

Before the incident with Tadao, yesterday had gone reasonably well. Yoko's in the hospital still, I assume, but the day was otherwise pleasant. Hisao and I finally had a real date, and it went exceptionally well, I think. Unfortunately, the ending was cut off when one wrongly-spoken sentence turned Amaya from her usual happy self into a skulking demoness.

The specifics were never important; what Tadao said exactly wasn't the issue since this had apparently been building for weeks. His overreaction to the slightest changes in Amaya -fear that she might be having a seizure- had made him nervous and panicky ever since their first date. At first, it had been quirky and Amaya even enjoyed the attention. However, lately it seems he has been babying her, and, as I have learned over the years, she abhors being treated like a porcelain doll.

Honestly, his concern was well-placed. Amaya's condition still makes me nervous around her sometimes, and I act irrationally when her health might be threatened by potentially detrimental situations. Bottling up her condition and pushing him away anytime he tried to broach the subject probably made things worse. Finally, last night he made one final infraction and Amaya simply exploded; assaulting him with venomous accusations and more than a few kicks and punches.

Those always seemed obligatory where Amaya is concerned.

When we got back, she was inconsolably sad. As the night wore on, her emotions shifted from the sadness to abject fury, and then melancholy followed by more crying. She screamed, ranted and spit curses at herself as much as Tadao. All I really did was sit there and listen to her streaming consciousness as it forced its way out, causing her to shake, yell and manically pace the floor; occasionally asking a biting rhetorical question I knew enough not to try answering.

Recalling Tadao's resigned expression, I imagine he's been on a similar emotional roller-coaster; though I doubt he was quite so verbal about it with Hisao. Guys don't tend to talk about those kind of things quite so openly, I hear, and Tadao never was one to express his feelings – except on paper.

Maybe that's what he did?

Leaning back in the chair, I realize there's something digging into my spine and look down to see I'm still wearing my yukata. So absorbed in the ranting and raving from Amaya, I hadn't even considered changing after we got back. Frustrated with the sensation, I grab at the obi and drag the bow around to the front. Looking at Amaya, still sleeping as she is, I decide I might as well change while I have time.

Standing, I tip-toe out of her room and cross the hall, untying and unwrapping the obi as I go, and releasing the ties holding the carefully-wrapped braids in my hair. I can feel a slight headache throbbing behind my left temple as the knots come undone, but it's just tension coupled with sleeplessness, I'm certain. My room is dark, but, with the curtains open, I can see the half-moon settling on the horizon; though it's surrounded by stormy-looking clouds.

Quickly untying the yukata and laying it out on my desk, I grab my nightshirt and pull it over my head, leaving my hair trapped under the collar while I check my clock-radio. “3:42 am,” it reads, and I reflexively yawn. However long I may have been sleeping, I was probably awakened by my own discomfort more than anything else. Grabbing the top blankets off my bed, and my pillow, I drag them back with me to Amaya's room – I want to be nearby if she wakes up and wants to vent some more.

Laying the blankets out as a pseudo-mattress on the floor, I lay down on the pillow and rest on my side, glancing at the barely-visible form up on the bed. Her face hangs over the edge, and I can see her eyes moving around under their lids – she's dreaming. The scowl on her face and the quiet murmuring make me realize it's unlikely to be a pleasant dream, but waking her seems like a bad idea.

Closing my eyes, I focus on the softened snoring and let my breathing slow. Her murmuring is distracting, but the steady breaths lull me deeper and I'm soon on the verge of slipping into slumber. Drifting into unconsciousness, my last thought is whether or not Hisao would be disappointed if I miss our swim this-morning.

I'm sure he'll understand.

Some time later, I awaken to a nudge on my shoulder. Opening slowly, my bleary eyes attempt to focus on the source; a bare foot. Sitting up suddenly, the headache over my temple remains, and I start feeling around for my glasses, but they're not where I left them. Glancing up at Amaya's blurry visage, I notice she's holding something out to me - like some kind of offering.

“Looking for these?” she says, her hoarse voice sounding melancholy and fatigued. Handing the glasses to me, she remarks, “I almost stepped on them.”

Pushing them onto my face I look up at her and force a smile, but the frown on her face shows no sign of turning upward. The room is lit up by the bright sun beating into the window, and as she falls back down on her bed I notice the clock – it's nearly seven-thirty.

Definitely missed our swim.

Standing, I look down at her disheveled form and sigh inwardly. Her eyes are closed and she's mostly motionless except for her left hand, reaching up and grabbing at her silken white curtain; absently playing with the ruffles. She hasn't even changed out of her yukata, but the obi is missing. Looking around the room, I'm shocked to find it balled up on the floor near her closet – usually she takes great care of such things.

I don't think she cares about anything right about now.

Turning back to look down at her, I quietly whisper, “are you alright?” I make sure not to sound like I'm coddling her, but I can't help the motherly tone.

She nods slowly, but then shakes her head, her face contorting into a mournful grimace. I can see her forcing tears back, but I'm not sure she even has any left after last night. Sitting on the bed, I place a reassuring hand on her knee and ask, “will you be alright here for the day? I should go to class.”

Understanding my suggestion, she nods again and then rolls onto her side, bringing her knees up to her chest and hiding her face to the side. As I stand, I wonder at how she can fit on the twin-sized bed sideways - she looks as small as she probably feels right now.

Smaller, maybe.

“I'll be back after class,” I mention. For a moment I consider asking what she wants me to tell Tadao, but I don't think bringing up his name is a very good idea – I'm not even sure if he'll be in class.

Picking up my blankets and pillow, I bring them back to my room and set about getting dressed for class. Whatever I tell Ito, I have no intention of letting anyone know about their spat unless I'm forced to answer directly. Convincing people she had a seizure or fell ill after eating something bad last night should be easy enough.

Lying for her seems wrong, but it would be a white lie. She's in no condition to be going to class; especially if Tadao is there. Not having seen their initial blow-out, its aftermath indicates the second one wouldn't be any more civil – nor would it help them get past their squabble.

Droning across the campus, I think through some of the things Amaya was yelling last night and realize there was a theme; regret. Whatever Tadao may have done to incite her wrath, she feels equally accountable. Not only that, she's afraid he'll never be able to see things her way; even though that's all he has been trying to do since they started dating. She also admitted directly that she loves him, deeply, and that, more than anything, is what has her bedridden right now.

She's afraid it isn't mutual.

Upon reaching the classroom, I'm glad to see Ito hasn't arrived yet, but I notice Tadao immediately. His uniform is wrinkled terribly, and his hair is a tangled mess. With his head down, I can't really see, but I imagine his eyes are probably bloodshot. Hanging off the sides of the desk, his arms are motionless. Legs tucked under the chair with his head down like that, he's a perfect image if melancholy and fatigue - a sitting fetal position.

Taking my seat stealthily -I don't want to spark an argument for Ito to walk in on- I try not to look at him, but, he's as much my friend as Amaya, and I'm torn between wanting to offer him comfort and kicking his stupid face. Seeing him like this, I think the comforting side is winning, but I'd still like to land a few swift kicks. Both of them are to blame, though, and I feel guilty for even having set them up, but I'm sure the situation isn't beyond repair – not yet.

I'm almost certain Tadao feels the same about Amaya.

My attention falls upon the door as Ito-sensei bangs through it, looking as fatigued and sweaty as ever. Surprisingly, he's in before the bell, so I imagine he got an early start. Whatever the reason, him being here a little early gives me a chance to inform him about Amaya somewhat discretely.

Approaching his desk, I hold my hands in front of me and offer a kind smile as he turns up from his chair and squints at me through his glasses. “Miss Kurai,” he states, “you look like you're here to sell me something.” His nasal voice is strained with heavy breathing, but there's a jovial quality to his tone.

Would you like to buy a lie?

Chuckling nervously, I almost choke on my words, “Amaya -er... Miss Yamamoto will be out sick today – something didn't agree with her last night.” It's vague and doesn't really say much, but it's partially true.

“You'll take notes for her, I imagine,” he says sternly. Ito isn't a slave-driver when it comes to class-work, but, with semester finals coming up soon, he wants to make sure nobody falls behind. The sweat dripping over his bald head soaks into his dark ring of brown hair and makes him look grumpy, but the smile he's wearing indicates that he doesn't really expect me to answer – he knows I'd help Amaya either way.

Smiling and offering a confirming nod, I start turning to head back toward my desk, but Ito isn't finished. Clearing his throat, he calls after me, “one moment, Miss Kurai.” There's a tinge of remorse in his tone that makes me worry.

As I turn back, I see him digging into his briefcase. After a moment, he finds what he's looking for; a small piece of paper which he hands to me. Offering a straight-edged look he uses when he means something should be taken seriously, he explains, “Nurse gave me that note for you this-morning.” Almost as an afterthought he mentions, “something about Miss Guidot; I think he wants to see you after class today.”

Scanning over the scrawled note, I can hardly read it, but it does appear to be from Nurse, and seems to be requesting my presence in his office after classes today. Worry crosses my face as I'm certain he wouldn't be asking me to come to his office about another student unless it's serious. Ito sees my expression and offers a reassuring smile, “he told me about Miss Guidot; probably just has some questions about what happened. He mentioned she was already recovering, so don't look so depressed.”

I wonder if Emi, Rin and Rika got notes like this...

Offering a stilted laugh, the tone of his answer leads me to believe he's just as worried. The staff at Yamaku, more than any student, knows how serious a situation has to be to call for hospitalization. Most of them try to laugh it off with good humor, but it still bothers them – like it would anyone else.

“Thanks,” I say, nodding agreement; though I'm still worried.

The bell rings as I'm standing there, and Ito quickly stands while I turn to go back to my seat. Tadao is looking up with bloodshot eyes and watching me, but doesn't say anything. The questions in his eyes will have to wait. Stuffing the note between the pages of my calculus textbook, I try to listen attentively as Ito begins lecturing. The class groans dismissively, but it doesn't break his speech.

Sitting there, I scan across the room and notice Yoko's empty chair. Her missing class today was expected, but the emptiness of her chair is still disconcerting. Although as I notice it now, nobody else seems terribly concerned about her absence. Tentative glances aim toward Amaya's empty chair, but no such looks seem concerned with Yoko's absence, and that makes me uneasy. Perhaps they're just too absorbed with the lecture -unlikely- or simply haven't noticed Yoko's absence.

As though none of them care.

My thoughts go back to yesterday morning when she was pallid, flushed red and babbling nonsense. Nurse seemed to know immediately what the problem was, and only called on Joyce's opinion for confirmation. That makes me wonder what he could possibly need to ask me about. My medical knowledge is limited to biology class, and I barely know Yoko personally.

When I first ran off to tell him about Amaya's seizure -the first time- he pulled me aside a couple days later and asked me, in his roundabout way, to keep an eye on her. Understanding why, I didn't even question his suggestion. Thinking about what happened with Yoko, I wonder if it might be a similar task he has in mind, but as far as I know she doesn't have any condition other than being deaf in her right ear that might need a careful eye.

But, then, most people think the same about myself.

Deciding I won't be figuring out any solutions on my own, I resign to finding out from Nurse. Whatever he has to tell me, I have other problems to deal with in the meantime; like the skulking young man over my right shoulder who looks extremely uncomfortable and withdrawn. In many ways, he's as mysterious as Hisao; always wrapped up in his thoughts. Right now, though, I'd give anything to hear what he's thinking.

Class crawls by in a blur, and I find I've missed almost all of what Ito is lecturing about. The majority of the class is in a similar funk, though most of them are likely just experiencing the crash after the festival high. Glancing around the room, I notice Jun Uematsu with his head down, the tightly cropped black hair on his head brushing his desk as he repeatedly flicks a stray worksheet with his finger. Next to him, tall Toru Tanaka leans back in his chair looking positively bored.

Catching my wandering gaze, Toru shoots me a lascivious wink and I look away. Rolling my eyes as I return my gaze to the front of the classroom, I hear a slap on someone's desk behind me and assume it's Toru waking Jun from his daydreaming. A few seconds later, I hear a hushed, “psst!” coming from their general direction.

Trying to ignore it, I look out the window and try to look like I didn't hear him. That, of course, doesn't work. “Psst!” he calls again, louder this time. Their toying makes the headache over my temple roar back and I wince.

Snapping my head around to glare at Jun, I form the word, "what?" without making a sound.

Jun stares back at me with a giant grin and just sits there for a second before holding up a hand. “Hi,” he says, immediately looking back at Toru as they both break into girlish giggles.

Idiots...

Rolling my eyes again, I breathe out a sigh and whisper a reply, “pay attention!” pointing at Ito. They glance at me and stop for a moment, but quickly go back to their reverie. “Idiots...” I mumble, turning away. Rubbing my temple, I go back to trying to ignore their nagging. Jun and Toru are the class clowns, really, and, normally, I can bite back just as hard, but this whole situation is just making everything feel ten times more difficult and frustrating.

Their giggling continues for a while until Ito turns his glare in their direction and they quickly stifle the laughing. Things go back to normal -relatively- but I'm still too distracted to pay any attention. Near the end of the period, I turn a half-interested gaze at the chalk board and copy down the equations Ito wrote out while I was in a daze, but otherwise I'm too lost in thought to concentrate.

Looking back at Tadao, who seems equally dazed, I can't help but feel a little cheated by the whole situation. I should be happy today, euphoric even. Hisao and I had a great time last night and I feel remiss to have had it end on such a sour note. Though, even that had its happy notes. Hisao was so ready to jump up and be Tadao's guardian, he never even questioned my plans.

Dutifully taking Tadao's shoulder and guiding him away from Amaya's raging storm, Hisao willingly ended our date to help my friends -his friends- through a rough night. However this turns out, I'll have to thank him for being as supportive of them as he has been for me – even though that was largely without his knowing.

At least, I don't think he knows...

When the bell rings and Ito heads for his next class, I chance a look at Tadao. Staring forward with his hands pressed together under his chin -as though in prayer- the forlorn expression on his face is impossible to mistake. Behind him I catch a glimpse of Naoko, who is looking over at me with a crooked grimace. Offering her a reassuring smile, I wonder how much the Yamaku rumor-mill has already dug up about their spat.

Just before the second bell rings, Ms. Miyagi steps in, speaking English as always. She's fond of the immersion technique, but mostly it just makes the class harder to understand. Realizing Tadao probably won't be much help with the class today, I attempt to focus my attention on her lecture. The giddy smile on her face, though, only serves to compound my confusion and add to my disdain for the subject. I'm sure it isn't intentional, but it almost feels like that grin is mocking both Tadao and I as we wallow in yesterday's pain.

Half way through class, Miyagi turns her grinning gaze my way and asks a question -which I barely understand- “how was Tanabata for you, Miss Kurai.”

Of all the things...

My shocked expression is all she gets as a response for a few seconds as I try to make sure that's what she said, and try to come up with a reasonable response – in English. My mind, unfortunately, betrays me and falls blank. Staring helplessly, I can't believe I've been thrown by such a simple question.

When I show no signs of answering, she folds her arms and sighs with frustration. The problem isn't so much that I couldn't think of the words, I simply don't know what to say. Frowning, Miyagi tries to lead me into an answer; sounding out some superfluous prepositions and adjectives that seem to get caught in my left ear.

Considering yesterday, the whole of the day went well, so I could just focus on that. However, there were a few really bad happenings that left me in a rather sour mood today; so maybe that's the more pertinent information. Tapping her foot, Miyagi waits impatiently, and I realize she isn't expecting a long diatribe about my Tanabata experience; just a quick answer - in English.

Finally, deciding to just use a canned response -something innocuous- I straighten myself out and take a breath. “I spent the day with friends, had fun, and didn't sleep well,” throwing that last part in on a whim, it draws a few laughs, as well as some lewd glances. Jun and Toru start giggling as they did before, and soon the whole class is caught up in the mirth – except Tadao and myself.

It's simply not funny when you went through it less than twelve hours ago.

Before the class can erupt into uncontrollable laughter, Miyagi claps her hands to interrupt the mirth and continues her lecture. Tadao is looking at me when I relax and sit back, and I turn to look him over again. There's almost a smile on his face as he stares back at me, but it's quickly quashed by the perpetual frown he's worn all morning.

Looking back at Miyagi, I briefly attempt to catch up with her lecture, but I'm still unable to concentrate. Sighing, I close my eyes, giving up on trying to pay attention. Feeling my friend's misery is preventing me from enjoying the day I had yesterday, distracting me from paying attention in class, and generally leaving me feeling miserable. Thinking over the happy events from yesterday: the anklet, all the meaningful conversation, jovial banter, singing for Hisao, and especially the kiss, I can't help but wish there weren't shadowy clouds trimming the edges.

Such is life, I guess.

When the lunch bell rings, I look over to Tadao and see he's staring at the door with a face that seems a million miles away. Trying to put on a happy smirk which probably looks only a step above a frown, I suggest, “how about we take lunch on the roof.” Standing up, I place my hand on his shoulder to break him out of the daze and show support.

After a few long moments, he turns his mournful gaze up to meet mine and shrugs. Standing, he leaves his books and desk in a mess and starts walking toward the door. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he hangs his head low as he walks, watching his feet. Following behind, I notice he actually is angling toward the roof, which makes me happy and worried at the same time.

He wouldn't, though...

Still, it makes me worry that he's so willing to head up there even though we never go to the roof at lunch. My intention is to use the solitude to talk to him about what happened, but I feel like I might need some extra support given Tadao's tendency toward melancholy – and his gait is rather alarming.

Luckily, I see Hisao emerging from his classroom just ahead of us and I wave at him, pointing at Tadao. Misha and Shizune step out behind him, and he turns to sign something to Shizune before I sweep him alongside me, casting an apologetic glance at the pair as we chase Tadao up to the roof. In the stairwell, I lean in close and kiss Hisao's cheek, which makes him smile.

When we reach the door out to the rocky rooftop, Tadao is already outside, and we can hear his pacing footsteps crunching the gravel. Hisao leans close and whispers, “he didn't sleep last night, and I tried to convince him to stay in, but he insisted – in case Amaya came in. I assume she's in her dorm.”

“Yeah,” I reply in a whisper. “He really didn't sleep?” I inquire.

Hisao shrugs. “If he did, he did it standing by the window in his room,” he relates, looking worried, “hardly said a word after you chased Amaya down. Kept repeating the same three words: I'm an idiot.”

Well there goes the writing idea...

Sighing deeply, I turn my gaze toward the exit and slowly push through the door. Hisao follows closely, taking my trailing hand and squeezing it reassuringly. As we step out onto the roof, I notice the sky has darkened since this-morning, the foreboding clouds threatening to unleash their downpour. As fitting as that might be for this conversation, I don't think we need any more help to feel depressed.

Tadao paces back and forth, kicking the rocks around and scowling. Having never seen him look so angry, I'm grateful for Hisao's company. Looking back at his reassuring eyes, I wonder if I should have had him stay in the stairwell. Parts of this conversation might end up telling him things Amaya would prefer he not know, but I'm willing to bear the brunt of her fury to have his support.

He has to find out sometime, anyway.

As we approach, Tadao slows to a stop and turns to face us, leveling his eyes and grimacing. Holding up a hand to quiet whatever he was going to say, I press back against Hisao's hand, indicating he should stay back. Walking over to stand before his mournful form, I offer Tadao the same pensive look I showed Amaya in her room last night.

After he doesn't say anything for a few long moments, I start leading the conversation. “I'm not here to yell at you or try to tell you what you did wrong,” I start, glancing back at Hisao to gain confidence. Meeting Tadao's eyes again, I continue, “she basically told me what's been going on, and I understand why you've been so worried – you have every right.”

Breathing out a long, slow breath, he squares his shoulders, takes his hands out if his pockets and folds his arms. “It just bothers me,” he states, “she won't tell me anything about it, ever.” His eyes narrow and his voice drops down to a whisper, “like I shouldn't know, or don't need to know, or it's some kind of horrible secret.”

Having had most of the night to think, he sounds rather lucid. The expression on his face tells me he's thought about this a lot, probably more than even Amaya understands. “She hates being coddled," I remind him, "especially where her epilepsy is concerned.” My comment draws a roll of his eyes.

I hear shuffling behind me, and realize this is probably the first time Hisao has learned what condition brought Amaya to Yamaku. Tadao's looks over my shoulder seems a little surprised. “You never told him?” he asks, looking back at me, somewhat bewildered.

Shaking my head, I answer, “no. You know how she gets about people finding out, remember? Besides, it never really came up.” Grinning, I comment, “you didn't tell him either.”

Tadao shrugs, looking less bewildered and more frustrated. “That's the thing, though. I already know about her having epilepsy, but she won't tell me anything about it – what triggers it, or anything. That's why I'm always apprehensive about bringing her anywhere; I don't know if she might end up having an attack and it terrifies me.” Looking into his hazel eyes, I see the weeks of worry reflected there, but there's also a strange lightness.

When he talks about Amaya, he even smiles, though it fades after he finishes speaking. As much as it pains him right now to think about her, he can't keep himself from smiling just thinking about her. Recognizing the kind of smile he's making, I look him straight in the eyes and furrow my brow, asking forcefully, “do you love her?”

Not even a moment of thought precedes his easy answer, “Yes.”

Grinning widely at his quick response, I place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze hit reassuringly. “You should know she doesn't love you any less just because she doesn't tell you about the condition she hates,” I say, watching his reaction carefully.

He has to have picked up on that.

Shooting his gaze upward, his eyes close. If I'm not mistaken there are tears falling down his cheeks; something I've only ever seen once. Seeing his reaction, I grin wistfully and ask, “have you told her you love her?”

Feeling Hisao's hand on my shoulder, I realize he's come up from behind and now stands to my side. Watching Tadao, he mentions, “he's been trying for weeks.” I look over at Hisao and raise an eyebrow; he smiles at me and nods. “Guy talk,” he says with a half-smile and a shrug.

Looking back at Tadao, I frown and shake his shoulder. “The hell were you waiting for?” I ask disdainfully.

Glaring at me, he snarls, “I wanted to every day.” His eyes narrowing furiously, he barks, “but she won't even tell me about one little thing – one important little thing.” He flushes red, his temper starting to boil over. “I can't trust her if she doesn't trust me!” he yells. Beginning to tremble, his arms shoot down at his sides, balling into fists.

“I told her everything – the foster homes, the orphanages, the accident, everything! She listened -I know she listened- and I was ready to listen to her, but no!” he throws his hands up in the air frustratedly and takes a step back, spinning around and grabbing the back of his head with both hands. Hisao takes a tentative step in front of me as I recoil, never having seen Tadao so animated.

Shaking a fist in front of him, Tadao continues his rant, “doesn't she know it's killing me to feel so anxious all the time!?” Spinning back around, he catches a look at my shocked gaze, though I think it only fuels his anger. “I love her,” he blurts, looking pained, “probably more than anything I've ever known, but she won't let me in, and it's making me crazy.” As he stands there, his hands balled into tight fists and resting them on his hips, his eyes cast downward and his breaths come in stuttered gasps as he fights back tears and rage.

Storming past us, he continues yelling, “unless she can meet me somewhere in the middle, I might as well not even bother!” Before either of us can even try to stop him, he's yanked the door to the stairway open and disappears through it, slamming the door behind him.

Listening to the echo of his footfalls practically running down the stairs, I'm dumbstruck. Shocked by the amount of pent-up frustration I just witnessed from a boy I'd always thought to be nigh impervious to heated emotional states, I'm simply at a loss for words. Standing there with Hisao beside me, I wonder how this enmity grew between my two best friends without my noticing.

I've been distracted, I guess.

Now though, at least now we know one thing; they both love each-other. Evidently neither has said it to the other, but that doesn't diminish the fact. Neither of them seem to be in a state of mind conducive to reconciliation, but, I was right; hope still exists. All we need to do now is find a way to get them to confess to each-other - easier said than done.

Finally breaking the spell of silence, Hisao takes my hand and squeezes it firmly, looking at me with a hopeful smile. “I should have said something, I think,” he comments, casting his eyes downward and narrowing them. “Tadao told me last week, and I knew about how frustrated he's been. I didn't know why, really, but I guess I do now...” he trails off, rubbing his sternum again.

“It's not your fault,” I say in a comforting tone, “I'm the one who's supposed to know them well enough to see something like this coming.” Pulling myself around in front of him, I grin playfully and add, “it's cute you're so concerned, though.”

“They're my friends,” he says seriously, “of course I'm concerned.” A moment later he leans forward and whispers, “don't blame yourself, either.”

Meeting him in that lean, I kiss him, this time on the lips. It's brief and a little stilted, but it gets my point across. Grinning widely, he blushes and wraps his hands around my waist. Guilt is something I've actively been trying to avoid; along with regrets. “We'll figure out a way to get them talking again once they both cool down, and then you and I can have a proper date – one that actually ends right,” I say leading the conversation to a happier topic.

His smile is all the answer I need, but he speaks anyway, “I was thinking about that, actually. Your birthday is on a Wednesday, though, so I figured we could celebrate it early.”

Leaning forward again, I bury my face in his chest to hide my blush, but it was probably too late. Whatever he has planned, I really hope we can enjoy it without a storm-cloud of melancholy hanging over the event from our friends' arguments. His hands find their way up to my shoulders and I stifle a giggle; I'm starting to wonder if he figured out I'm ticklish there. I don't think I care, but I'm not going to give away my secrets so easily.

Pushing me away, he has a serious look as he comments, “assuming we can get Amaya and Tadao squared away before then.”

Offering a confident smile, I lean back and shrug. “They both seem out of sorts," I comment, though it's clearly an understatement, "I think what we need to do is get them in a room together – someplace they can't escape.”

Hisao looks off to the side, narrowing his eyes as his thoughts internalize. Watching him think, I have a few meandering thoughts of my own; centering on the idea of getting Amaya and Tadao trapped in a room together. Going through the list of rooms I know of in the school, nothing really comes to mind that wouldn't have an easy exit.

The classrooms all have windows, and the storage rooms have vents and suspended ceilings. It may seem ludicrous, but I could imagine Amaya slinking out of there through almost any hole wide enough for her narrow shoulders to fit. We couldn't gain access to the teacher's lounge -nor could we guarantee not being discovered- and our dorm rooms all have windows as well. Briefly, I entertain the idea of tying them to chairs, but we would have to knock them out to get them trapped like that – I don't think they would be so easily tricked.

At a loss, I look back at Hisao and he shrugs. “We'll think of something,” he offers.

“Yeah I think I might need sleep to come up with something appropriately devious,” I reply, “listening to Amaya last night, I probably got all of three hours sleep...” I trail off, the thought of sleep causing me to yawn. “Did you swim this-morning?” I ask as an afterthought.

Hisao shakes his head. “No, I stayed with Tadao until we left for class,” he explains. “I probably got about as much sleep, too,” he adds, echoing my yawn.

Recalling my own battle with sleeplessness reminds me of the steady thumping over my temple; that nagging ache remains. Grabbing his arm, I pull his watch up to check the time. “You hungry?” I ask, noticing we have half our lunch time left.

“Starving,” he replies, placing a hand over his abdomen. “We should grab something before going back to class – Shizune might even give us a nod to take some extra time,” he mentions. I glance at him and offer a questioning look, to which he responds, “I told Shizune about last night's incident. She was badgering me about the date and I had a depressed look, she said... she was worried.”

Shrugging, I wave a hand to assuage his concern, “that's fine, Shizune's good about gossip like that.” I raise an eyebrow to ask, “Misha?”

“Oblivious; she's still in study-mode,” he replies.

The whole school would likely know by now if not for her sudden studiousness.

“Okay, good. For now, let's keep this as quiet as we can. No need for people to start bugging them about it and making things worse,” as I speak, Hisao is already nodding his complicity. Checking the time again, we head down from the roof to the cafeteria. Finding the line nonexistent by this point, we get ourselves some much-needed sustenance.

Departing a few minutes late, we walk back to class holding hands. When we reach class 3-3, his grip lingers and he offers a reassuring smile. Seeing his supportive look, I return a similar expression and grin happily. It's nice to have someone around perfectly willing to help me with my friends -our friends- and, with that thought in mind, I continue my walk to class with some degree of lightness.

When I reach class 3-1, I find Tadao hasn't returned; I don't expect him to, either. His books and papers are still strewn about on his desk, and his uniform jacket is draped over the back of his chair. Mutou asks me about his absence, and I offer the same explanation I gave about Amaya – figuring the two of them getting ill would make sense. He looks concerned, but, after I mention I'll bring Tadao's jacket and books back for him, he's satisfied and the rest of class goes by without incident.

After a long, boring physics lecture and another droning diatribe about the feudal era, the final bell rings. Gathering Tadao's books and papers and wrapping them in his jacket, I stuff my things in my bookbag and head for the door. Outside, the darkening sky from earlier has dimmed even further making it feel much later in the day. Peering up at those clouds, I imagine we'll be getting quite the downpour soon.

Passing by Jun and Toru near the crossroads between dorms, they don't bother trying to stop my willfully brisk pace, and I'm soon dashing up the steps. Passing the common room and avoiding any of the other girls milling about, I run up the stairs and down the hallways. Nearing my door, I slow to a crawl, not wanting to indicate my return to Amaya.

Especially not while carrying Tadao's stuff.

Unlocking my door quickly, I step through quietly, close the door softly and lean against it, breathing out a long sigh. As though on cue, lightning flashes across the sky somewhere nearby, lighting up my room's interior eerily as the sound of rain begins to beat against my window. A few moments later the rumble of thunder rolls through and I shake my head at the timing. Standing there for a moment, listening to the rain, I'm not surprised when my phone starts to play a familiar tune – the ring-tone I set up for Nurse.

When it rains it pours.

Deciding not to answer, I send him a text message instead, “headed down now – in the rain.” Punctuating it with a frowning emoticon, I press send and toss the phone over on my desk.

Leaving my books -and Tadao's bundle- on my unmade bed, I reach over and snag the umbrella out of my closet, headed for the door. As I open it, lightning streaks the sky and I'm startled by a shadowy figure standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb. Jumping back, I realize it's Amaya. “Hiya, Amaya,” I say reflexively, in a chipper-sounding voice that I realize probably grates on her ears right about now. Reflexively, I take a step back and wince.

Please don't kick my shins.

Offering a sour look, she raises an eyebrow at me and notices the umbrella. “Going somewhere?” she asks, sounding less depressed and more irritated.

“Nurse asked me to visit after class – something about Yoko,” I explain nervously, starting to walk toward the door. “I'll be back-” I start to say.

She interjects, asking, “was he at school?” before I can get two steps forward.

Looking her over, her shoulders are slack and her eyes are withdrawn; she appears to have spent some more time crying during the day. Not wanting to brush her off, I offer a stilted nod and try to offer a supportive face of some kind, but I don't even know why she's asking.

“Is he miserable?” she asks, completely deadpan.

Wincing, I nod again, watching her reaction carefully. Stoic and emotionless, she doesn't even flinch at the information. Perhaps she lacks the energy to react, or maybe she doesn't care anymore.

That's not likely.

“Good,” she says in monotone. Somehow I expected that, but it still sounds harsh; even in her currently emotionless voice. Drawing in a deep breath, she moves out of my way, but I'm standing in place, dumbstruck.

Watching her face for signals her voice hasn't provided, the look in her eyes indicates something along the lines of guilt or sorrow. Casting downward, her heavy-lidded eyes look away, but the furrow of her brow indicates something like remorse. Perhaps she really is happy about Tadao being equally miserable, but the thought seems to make her regretful.

She knows how much of this is her fault.

Peering back at me with an icy glare for a moment, she spins and stomps away; anger taking her over. Motioning as if to say something, any words I might have get caught in my throat as I watch her disappear into her darkened room. As quickly as the conversation went, she's gone; slamming the door behind her.

Dynamically, Amaya and Tadao are still virtually identical in their reaction, I've noticed. Both of them feel remorseful and guilty, both of them want the other one to be just as miserable, and each of them is in love with the other. Getting them both to realize that separately, though, would be nearly impossible considering their bull-headed natures.

Standing there dumbly for a few moments, I eventually start walking away slowly. Someone will need to push them together, and I -we, Hisao and myself- need to figure out a place we can do that. Somewhere that can be controlled externally. A place where neither of them can worm their way out, and they'll be forced into a discussion – a fruitful one, hopefully.

Where, though? Maybe Nurse might know someplace?

Stepping out into the rain, I pop the umbrella open and start walking across the campus, following a similar route as though I were headed for the pool. Thinking about it, I realize getting an answer about anything from Nurse would be a mission in futility. The flat smile he wears is usually unreadable, and his sarcastic answers often serve to leave you even more confused about whatever you asked.

Approaching the pool, I veer off toward the administrative part of the building. Continuing to mull things over, I realize Nurse might understand if I explained the situation. However, I'm not keen on the idea of informing him of their relationship troubles. Amaya and Tadao would certainly appreciate the discretion, and, if the roles were reversed, I'd expect as much from them.

The revolving door of friendship.

Entering into the hallway that leads to Nurse's office, I shake my umbrella and sigh. Today has been depressing, and I'm probably about to get some more sad news. Hopefully I'm wrong, but the weather seems to be indicating this day hasn't finished laying melancholy on my shoulders.

When I reach his door, I can hear voices inside, but they're too muffled to identify. One of them must be Nurse -it's his office- but the other is a different timbre. If I'm not mistaken, it sounds like Joyce. For a few moments, I stand there wondering if I'd be interrupting them, but, figuring he wouldn't he ask me down here if he's in the midst of a meeting, I lightly knock on the door.

The voices stop and there's a pause, then I hear something that sounds like Nurse inviting me to, “come in,” though it's very muffled.

Pushing the door open, I see Joyce standing by Nurse's desk with her hands on her hips, grinning at me in welcome. Nurse sits at his desk, staring at his computer monitor for a moment before lifting his purple-haired head and smiling broadly. “Come in, Miss Kurai,” he says in his cheerful, though stilted tone, “close the door, will you. We have some matters to discuss.”

I comply, shutting the door behind me, then turn back to see him standing. Joyce moves aside to let him by, and he comes to stand near the cabinets containing various medical paraphernalia. Leaning on the narrow counter-top under the cabinets, he points to a chair as if asking me to sit – evidently this might take a while.

After I sit down tentatively and look back up at his unreadable visage, he mentions, “you haven't been down to my office since last month.” His reference to Amaya's last epileptic episode makes me a little apprehensive, but that was the last time I came down here to see him. Maintaining that same cheery tone, he continues, “I was starting to think you forgot about me.”

Sometimes, I think Nurse starts talking about completely unrelated topics just to hear his own voice; and maybe to build up some confidence before saying what he intended. “How've you been?” he asks with a slight frown, but the grin quickly returns.

Deciding to placate his attempt at small talk, I reply, “nothing out of the ordinary; just a little sleeplessness and the occasional headache.” I reply, trying to be vague. The headache still thudding over my temple is a temporary stress-related pain, and not worth mentioning.

“No falls or trips, then? How is your balance of late?” he inquires. This is still on the level of small talk; he knows I get little dizzy spells all the time, and I sometimes fall over. Nurse seems to be stalling because he's nervous about getting to the real inquiry.

“Good as it can be,” I decide to say. Wanting to get this conversation moving, I ask, “What did you ask me down here for?”

Frowning, he glances at Joyce; looking to her for some kind of support or confirmation. From their looks, I gather her presence has to do with me; perhaps desiring a consult on whether I can be trusted. That makes sense, I suppose; she probably knows me better than anyone else on staff, except maybe Ito. Nurse knows I can keep a secret, though. Whatever it is, I'm leaning forward in the chair, held in suspense. After what feels like an eternity trapped in a few moments, she returns a nod accompanied by an affirming smile.

Pasting that unintelligible smile back on his face, he leans more heavily against the counter-top and sighs, “you recall the incident with Miss Guidot yesterday, no doubt?” he asks, seemingly rhetorically. Offering a nod, I wonder if he might actually think I could have forgotten. “She's coming back later today, and there are some concerns...” he trails off and looks over to Joyce.

Picking up on his hanging statement, she steps over from the desk and smiles at me. “We're worried about her,” she says simply.

Nurse continues, “the incident yesterday was caused by an accidental drug interaction.” While it remains vague, I do notice he emphasizes the word 'accidental' as though it were the most important part of his explanation. He continues, “we may just be overreacting, but upon talking with Miss Guidot, we learned she hasn't made many friends here – she only mentioned you, actually.”

Wow, really?

My shocked expression is all the indicator he needs to continue, “it's distressing, but not unheard of.” Watching him, I wonder how long it took for him to achieve this level of expressionless speaking. “I don't want to force you into anything, but Miss Guidot seems to have taken to you, and we'd ask if you might...” he trails off again, looking like he's trying to think of the right words.

Joyce finishes his thought, “she needs a friend.”

Nurse looks at her and stares blankly for a moment, then nods. “Indeed,” he says, “we can't be more specific about our concerns, but if you would be willing-”

Interjecting, I say, “I'll do it, no problem.”

Far be it for me to ask why they're delicately dancing around the issue, but if all they need is for me to befriend someone, then I have no qualms about participating. Strange a request as it may be, I think I was already heading toward making friends with her anyway. Yoko seems like a nice person, besides, and she doesn't have any glaringly obvious social issues, so it's somewhat perplexing to find out she hasn't established any friendships outside of my own after four months – I can help with that, I think.

Nurse looks the same as always, his face a blank sheet of composed fabric. Joyce is grinning widely and offers a friendly nudge on my shoulder. After a few moments, Nurse lets out a sigh and his smile doubles. “Well, now that that's out of the way,” he starts, “Joyce tells me you've begun dating.”

Glaring at Joyce, I blush furiously and offer her a scowl. She just grins and shrugs in response, seemingly unconcerned with the dagger-like look of a teenage girl. The whole school probably knows about Hisao and I by now, so I really shouldn't be terribly surprised she told Nurse, but it may have saved me from this embarrassment.

You can't always trust your friends.

Hearing a drawer open somewhere near Nurse, I glance back at him and see he's drawing out a small, oddly labeled box. The placid smile is gone, replaced by a wide grin and his usually squinting eyes are held wide open. Holding the box out, he winks and says, “just in case.”

Noticing the packaging, and seeing what the label says, I blush even deeper red. Joyce starts laughing heartily as I slowly reach up to take the little cardboard box and stuff it in my other hand quickly. Suddenly I wish I'd come here straight from class so I'd have my school bag to stuff it into, but it's a small enough package that I can hide it reasonable well – as long as nobody stops me on the way back.

Joyce stifles her laughter and holds up a hand, “sorry,” she says, “that was all my idea. Don't blame him.”

Nurse continues grinning and says, “now I assume you can figure out how those are supposed to work, but if you need a demonstra-”

“No!” I blurt, not wanting this conversation to continue. I already feel like my face might explode, and I have no idea what he may have had planned for that demonstration, but I don't need that image.

Definitely not thinking about that.

Standing, I glare at him, then look back at Joyce. Both of them are sharing a laugh at my expense, and I can't blame them. Regardless of how superfluous they might be, he just handed me a box of condoms, and even I can find the humor. Cracking a smile finally, I bow toward Nurse and say, “thank you, I'll keep... them... in mind.”

After a few last chuckles, his face returns to that unreadable smile and he leans forward. “You'll keep an eye on Miss Guidot, then, right?” he asks. His calm, relaxed voice assuaging any apprehension I may have had about the idea.

“I was on that way anyway,” I mention, which earns a wider smile from his relaxed expression. “Is that all?” I ask.

Nurse shares a glance with Joyce, then nods. “We've no reason to keep you otherwise.”

Standing, I offer a nod and smile. "Don't worry about Yoko," I reassure him.

Stepping away from his position at the counter, he smirks and starts saying, "if you change your mind about that demonstra-" He stifles that speech when he sees my glowering expression. Chuckling slightly, he walks back over to his desk and sits. “Tell Mister Nakai I'm keeping an eye on him,” he says cryptically as I reach for the doorknob, “wouldn't want something to happen to his medications...”

Ha!... Hmm...

Taking one last look at Joyce, who merely shrugs, and Nurse, who has his face buried in the monitor again, I walk out the door. Standing out in the hall for a moment, I fumble with the umbrella and drop the little box. Blushing and praying nobody is around to see it, I quickly dip down to pick it up, slipping it under the cuff of my uniform blouse as I stand.

Taking a deep breath to steady myself -and try to force the blush away- I start walking toward the exit. Outside, the rain has actually stopped for a little while -or it's falling very lightly- so I cross the schoolyard without being rained upon. Reaching the girls dorm, my thoughts are somewhat jumbled.

Between trying to help Amaya and Tadao, worrying what happened with Yoko, this nagging headache, and now being offered condoms by the school nurse, today has been quite a whirlwind. When I reach my room, I quickly stuff the little cardboard box in the junk drawer of my desk and sit on my bed, rubbing my temples. Losing so much sleep last night seems to be catching up with me, so I push my school bag onto the floor and pile Tadao's stuff next to it before kicking my shoes off and rolling into bed, pulling the covers over me hastily.

Lying there, my thoughts keep whirling. Yesterday turned out to be a nice day, really, but somehow it led to today. Wanting to forget about the whole thing, I stuff my face in the pillow and let my mind go blank. Challenging worse is a fools errand, so I don't dare think things couldn't get worse, but I seriously doubt things could go anywhere but up from here. Rain begins to beat against my window again as I start to drift into slumber.

I think I may actually call Mom tomorrow.
____________________________________________________
Chapter 15: http://pastebin.com/Tcwkuvxk