Shorts

Dense Master

>Anon has been getting playful with Kiki lately
>Just a matter of time
>She's bending over dusting a shelf when Anon feels up her thighs from behind
>"Guess who!"
>Kiki suddenly feels something hard pressing against her inner thigh
>It's her pistol
>Her master's hands freeze for a moment then quickly withdraw
>She finds him standing behind her, stunned, face pale
>He wont meet her eyes
>"Uh, sorry, I didn't...I mean, I...m-my bad."
>He walks away, leaving Kiki confused by his reaction
>After that day he is a lot more distant and polite
>Always talking about how he's an open-minded person
>How it isn't the body that matters, it's what's on the inside that counts
>He doesn't touch her any more, and doesn't let her see him naked either
>When she confronts him about it he says he's not judging, that's just not his thing
>Tells her about this great surgeon he knows
>She realizes he thinks she has a penis
>She keeps trying to explain things to him but he deftly dodges the subject every time it comes up
>She starts arranging for him to see her naked but his aversion to boipussy is strong and he always manages to turn away or close his eyes at the last moment
>With her options running out she gets desperate
>She comes into his room one night when he's reading wearing only her stockings and her maid cap
>He immediately closes his eyes and starts babbling
>She begs him to look at her but he refuses, telling her he doesn't like her in that way
>She decides to make him feel the truth, and jumps on top of him
>He thrashes wildly and escapes but with his eyes sealed shut he can't get far
>She eventually corners him
>The excitement of the struggle and years of sexual frustration cause her to go to far and she ends up raping him
>When it's over she apologizes and asks him if he understands now
>He jumps up and takes off
>Runs through the hallways naked from the waist down, crying hysterically, convinced he just lost his virginity to a trap maid's asshole

>Kiki finds Anon in the garden the next day, attending a small memorial service
>A group of Anon's closest friends and a few of the other employees stand with heads bowed before a headstone in the shape of a penis
>It's labeled Pedro
>A priest reads off a poem entitled 'A lament to lost manhood'
>Anon sits a little apart from the others on a bench, with a stack of books next to him
>Kiki reads the titles as she approaches; the first is "So You're an Alp: What Next?"
>Anon looks at peace but there are unshed tears in his eyes
>Kiki decides enough is enough
>She walks over to stand in front of Anon
>When he looks up dully and greets her she lifts her skirt and pulls down her underwear, then grabs his head with both hands and holds his eye lids open with her thumbs
>"Look! Look, dammit! I'm a woman!"
>Anon's face is blank for a moment but then he smiles sadly and nods
>"I see. Congratulations."
>"Con-, what?"
>"It's what you always wanted, isn't it? It still hasn't hit me, yet." He glaces over at his books.
>Something snaps in Kiki's mind and she punches Anon in the gut with all her might
>He coughs and falls backward off the bench
>"NO, YOU DENSE MOTHER FUCKER! I'm a woman! I've always been a woman! I've never had a penis, what you felt was my fucking gun!"
>She pulls her gun out of its holster and empties it into the air
>"MY GUN!"
>She points to the holster hanging from her inner thigh, visible thanks to her panties still being down around her knees
>"Oh," is her master's response. He is staring at her with a blank face
>So is everyone else
>Not really surprising considering she is flashing her privates while firing a gun in public
>She slowly turns crimson as she puts her gun away and fixes her clothing
>"Why do you have a gun?"
>She looks up at her master's questioning face. "You know, to protect you."
>"From what?"
>"Eh? Well, thieves or the like?" She thinks for a moment about her maid training. "Mostly monsters that might try to assault you, I guess."
>"Monsters that might try to assault me."
>"Right."
>"..."
>"Oh. Oooohhh."
>He continues to stare at her in silence
>"Am I fired?"

And then Anon was kidnapped by Vampire Ninjas and the Kiki went on an epic quest to save him. The End.




Kraken

>Be salty old sailor.
>Work your ass off all your life, moving up the chain from lowly cabin boy to captain.
>Save money for years and eventually buy your own ship and go into business for yourself.
>Huge sea monster shows up out of nowhere one day and starts wrecking your shit.
>Ship starts to list, can hear the hull snapping.
>Your men are in the water, tentacles are coming for you.
>Whelp.
>Wake up in an underwater cave somewhere with a dopey looking broad smiling at you.
>"Where am I? Who are you?" You demand.
>"I'm April, your new wife!" She tries to kiss you.
>Stiff arm her goofy face. Take a good look at her body.
>"Are you the thing that wrecked my ship?" You ask angrily.
>"Geez, don't sweat the small stuff, Honey." She's trying to wriggle her way around your outstretched arm.
>"Now you listen to me, Whale-bait," you begin.
>She swarms you with her tentacles and starts pulling your clothes off. She's trying to rape you.
>Well, alright. Been a while since you had a good lay anyways.
>Once you're finished she curls up on top of you and starts giggling and playing with your chest hair.
>"Ehehe. I'm so glad I found a husband."
>"Zat so? Who is your husband? Can't imagine the bastard that would marry a pasty wench like you."
>"Eh? You. We're married now."
>"Poseidon's sweaty ass we are. You wrecked my ship. The Gull was my life's work. I hate your guts, you fish smelling offal."
>"What? But...wait, I know how to fix this."
>She rapes you. Eh. Not bad but she needs to learn some new moves.
>"T-There," she pants atop you. "You sure you hate me, Handsome?"
>"You dumb as well as ugly, you slimy cunt? Or do you just not understand words?"
>"But...but I made you cum! Twice! that means you love me!"
>"Pfft, ahahaha, I didn't know you had a sense of humor, you scum covered sea-urchin. I'm a sailor, I could cum for a warm blowhole."
>"Well then how do I make you love me!?"
>Give her a glare harsh enough to make her flinch. "I put 30 years of my blood, sweat and tears into that damn ship, and you tore it apart like it was worthless right in front of my bloody eyes. I will never love you, you obese barnacle."
>She starts to tear up and demands desperately, "W-What if I make it up to you?"
>Give her a doubtful look. "And how are you going to do that, you greasy lump of sea-weed? You got something you spent that much effort on?"
>She frowns in thought for a moment before hesitantly saying, "My bottled ship collection, I guess."
>"Break them, then."
>"What!?" She shouts, horrified.
>"All of them. Smash them into pieces and toss their ruined corpses into the sea."
>"But I love my little ships! They're all I have!"
>"You think I felt any less for the ship you ruined!?" You demand heatedly. "Really I should do it myself in front of you to make us even, but I'm a gentleman. I'd never be so brutish with a woman's belongings. You filthy bilge-stone."
>She tries to argue with you but once she realizes you're serious about not forgiving her she agrees to it. And to your surprise, she actually does it.
>Sitting in a cave chamber surrounded by the remains of her hobby, her tentacles lying limp on the sandy floor, she looks up at you with tears dripping down her face.
>"You'll love me now, right?"
>You hand her a plank of battered wood that looks salvageable. In a gruff voice you answer, "I'll help you make new ones. And I'll forgive you. As for love...well, we'll see about that."
>She sniffles and presses her face against your stomach. You reach down and gently pat the back of her head.
>"We'll see about that, you...April, was it?"




Lilim

>The Lilim Leandra sat in her ornate, high-backed throne and tried not to fidget.
>Her military adviser, a Lizardman named Nora, was giving her daily report on the state of the realm's forces.
>Leandra tried to make herself listen but she was becoming impatient and Nora's droning voice didn't help.
>Today was important, though few people knew it.
>Leandra glanced surreptitiously at her consort.
>Hakkan stood stiffly at a respectful distance. Carefully bred and trained from infancy, he was physically perfect, skillful, intelligent, and utterly loyal.
>His only flaw was his status - a consort is a servant and Hakkan always played the part of one.
>That would change today.
>Leandra noticed that Nora had finished and gestured for her to return to her place among the other advisers.
>Nora was the last today; now was the time.
>"Hakkan, come before me."
>He showed surprise for only a moment before stepping forward and kneeling gracefully.
>"Hakkan, you have served me well as consort. You have met and exceeded all of my expectations. I have decided to reward you."
>"I hereby release you from my service and grant you the title of Duke of the Realm. You will be given estates from the royal holdings along with a pension."
>Hakkan's head jerked up, his face stricken. "H-have I done something wrong?"
>It was the response she expected. She gave him a gentle smile and shook her head. "I meant what I said. It may not seem like it to you but this is a reward. In addition to these things I will also allow you to make a single request of me. You may ask for anything that is within my power to give and I will grant it."
>"Then I wish to continue-"
>"No," Leandra interrupted. "I do not want you to ask for something out of duty. I want you to ask for something you want for yourself. This is my last command to you: your wish must be a purely selfish one."

>She felt a stir among her advisers and knew they had caught on to what she was doing. Fortunately they were all smart enough to keep it to themselves.
>Hakkan still knelt dumbfounded. She bid him to rise.
>"I will give you one day to think on it, Hakkan. You may retire for today. Come here at this time tomorrow to give me your decision."
>He gave a mechanical salute and left the room on unsteady feet.
>Once he was gone Nora spoke up. "You've finally decided then?"
>Leandra gave a firm nod. "Yes. Do you disagree with my choice?"
>"No; I doubt there's another man alive that can match him. I'll admit, I'm a touch jealous. Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long - you've been giving him puppy eyes for years."
>Leandra frowned at the laughter that erupted from her advisers.
>One of the senior maids approached and asked quietly, "My Lady, it may be a bit rude to the Consort, but could we begin preparations now? It takes a great deal of time to prepare for a royal wedding."
>Leandra sighed and gave her consent. "But keep it from Hakkan. And make sure nobody gives him any hints, either! He has to come to it on his own."

>The next day, Hakkan entered the throne room at the appointed time, his usual stiffness replaced with nervousness and uncertainty.
>Leandra addressed him as soon as he finished his bow.
>"I trust you've followed my command and come up with an appropriate request?"
>"Well...I have, but-"
>"Then lets hear it."
>"Um, I suppose I can't ask to be returned to my duty as consort?"
>"Your previous duty, you should say. And no."
>He stood in silence for a long moment, shifting his weight from foot to foot. His head was down, which was unlike him, but he kept glancing up at her face. He was blushing.
>Leandra fought to keep the smile from her face.
>"I..." Hakkan finally broke the silence. "Um, I'm not sure if it would be allowed..."
>"I've already promised you anything within my power, Hakkan. Do not take my word lightly."
>"Ah, yes, forgive me. Well..."
>Another brief silence followed by Hakkan taking a deep breath. He looked up directly into Leandra's eyes with his face more flushed than she had ever seen before.
>"Actually...the truth is I've...always wanted to be a farmer."
>
>"..."
>"Pardon? I'm sorry, everything just tasted kind of loud for a second, could you repeat that? Did you say something about marriage?"
>"Uh, I want to be a f-farmer, if possible."
>"You want to be a farmer?"
>"Y-yes. I realize it's ungrateful after everything you offered me, but instead of being a Duke I'd rather be given a small farm. Near the western border if possible."
>"Well of course that's possible! No problem, no problem at all. I'm impressed that your desires are so modest, Hakkan. That speaks well to your character."
>"Ah, well..." he smiled shyly and looked away.
>"Nora, have a maid fetch the head clerk. We will see to Hakkan's wishes immediately."
>Nora sent one of the maids running while everyone else in the room stood frozen, staring at either Hakkan or Leandra.
>"Ah, if possible, could I speak with N..um, Adviser Nora for a moment?"
>"Of course, Hakkan," Leandra said cheerfully. "Go right ahead."
>Nora's head jerked when she heard Hakkan say her name. When he approached her she grabbed him and pull him in closer before he could say anything. The two began whispering fiercely back and forth.
>"Oh my, is something the matter?" Leandra asked.
>"Nothing!" Nora shouted. "Nothing at all! No problems here!"
>"It's fine, isn't it?" Hakkan asked Nora. "You were planning to retire next month anyways."
>"Oh, that's right," Leandra mused. "Nora was planning to retire to the countryside as well. Were you inviting her to visit your farm, Hakkan?"
>"I was asking her to marry me, actually."
>Nora fisted Hakkan in the ribs in a panic and he collapsed to the ground coughing.
>"That's not! Uh, I mean...this and that are..."
>"Oh~ Is that so? How wonderful, to think we would see a romance bloom before our eyes."
>"No romance! There's no romance! It was just idle talk, I didn't..."
>Hakkan got up rubbing his side and interjected, "Isn't it fine, though? You said it sounded nice. Now that we've got the opportunity why not go for it?"
>Leandra spoke up to comfort the panicking lizard. "It's fine, Nora. You ARE retiring, after all. Just do what you want."
>Nora gave a worried frown at Leandra's peaceful, relaxed voice but eventually turned her attention to Hakkan.
>She sighed and reluctantly started speaking.
>"Look, Hakkan, I'm just a Lizard woman. You've been a Lilim's consort for over a decade. I can't...I mean, I wouldn't be able to-"
>"Oh!" Hakkan interrupted. "Is that what you're worried about? Nora, at my level of incubization I can basically orgasm at will. My partner doesn't need to be particularly skilled to make me happy. Honestly, sex isn't really that important to me anyways."
>Nora cast a worried glance at Leandra and gave a start. "My Lady! Are you alright!?"
>"Hmm~? What's the matter?"
>The advisers were all crowding around her now, looking worried. One sent a maid to find the doctor.
>"You, uh...you're kind of greenish."
>Hakkan cocked his head to the side with a puzzled look and added, "And your hair is orange. How odd."
>"Oh, it's fine~ I probably just need a little rest. I'll go lie down in my room. Nora, could you have the maids bring me alcohol?"
>"A-alcohol? You mean, wine or-"
>"Alcohol~ Lots and lots of Alcohol~!"




Curse of False Equivalence

>An adventurer trudged into town trailed by a small figure loaded down with baggage.
>The handsome young man was loudly berating his follower.
>"Challenger was a trained warhorse. Replacing him is going to cost me twice what your mangy hide is worth! Maybe three times! That's if I even can find a replacement here."
>The burdened Kobold protested weakly between gasps that the horse breaking his leg wasn't her fault.
>"You probably spooked him with your smell," the adventurer muttered sourly. "Flee ridden little mongrel. I knew I should have bought an elf slave instead. That'll teach me to go for the bargain."
>The man nearly collided with an old woman in the street while grumbling and his face changed dramatically to one of concern.
>"Pardon me, Ma'am. Are you alright? I wasn't watching where I-" He noticed a bushy tail drooping behind her and cut off mid-sentence.
>The kindness left his face as abruptly as it had come.
>"Ah." He sighed. "Watch where you're loitering, hag, lest you find yourself on the wrong end of my sword."
>The old woman looked up at him and her eyes sparkled in an impossibly wrinkled face.
>"Such ugly behavior from such a pretty boy. Haven't you ever heard 'what goes around, comes around'?"
>He sneered. "I doubt principles of karma apply to corrupt vermin such as yourself."
>Her mouth quirked almost into a smile. "So it's only monsters you have a problem with, then? You don't have such a charming way with others?"
>The man began to lose his patience. The creature was wasting his time.
>"Only a fool or a scoundrel would think of monsters with other than contempt. I wish I never had to see another one of your filth again. Now step out of my-"
>"Done."
>He frowned at the interruption.
>"I'll grant your wish. You'll never see another monster again. Gahakakaka!"
>The man spat in disgust and left the crazy old woman laughing in the street.
>As the man walked through the streets looking for a stable he noticed many people staring at him.
>He did not have to think long to figure out why.
>He led the Kobold into a nearby alley and began taking the luggage off her.
>"Goodness, what was I thinking? Strapping all my gear to my hound like this, those people must think I'm a lunatic."
>The Kobold watched nervously but didn't have the courage to question him.
>When he was done he left the alley carrying all the bags himself. The Kobold girl waited in place, confused and fidgeting.
>"Come on, girl!" he called to her cheerfully.
>She flinched and ran to catch up.
>"Come to think of it, I haven't given you a name yet, have I?" He pursed his lips and studied the Kobold.
>"I've got it. Scout. From now on, your name is scout. Scout." He pointed to her a repeated loudly and firmly. "Scout."
>"I...y-yes master. I'm Scout."
>"Ahahah, it seems like she already gets it. What a clever doggie!" He plopped a hand down on top of her head and gave it a vigorous rub.
>The stunned Kobold girl stiffened and darted embarrassed looks at the people watching. Her tail wagged hesitantly.
>"Come along now, Scout. We've got to see if we can't find ourselves a decent horse."
>"Greetings, good stablemaster. I am Sir Jeffery Non, Knight of Aymous. I'm looking to buy a replacement mount. A trained warhorse if you have one, gelding or mare preferred."
>The confused stableboy looked around for his boss. She was standing nearby looking over the ledgers but the knight was definitely talking to him.
>"Uh...I'm not..." he pointed to his boss. The Centaur was obviously the one in charge, anyone who looked twice could see it just by the way the two were dressed.
>"Ah!" The knight shouted. "What luck! Such a beautiful creature!"
>The Centaur glanced up from her work at his shout and saw the knight walking toward her energetically.
>He circled around her, running his eyes over her body admiringly.
>She blushed at the examination, fighting the urge to straighten her skirt. "P-pardon, sir? I don't believe we've-"
>"Yes, yes," he murmured to himself. "Great lines, perfect proportions. He even has Challenger beat. I don't think I've ever see such a beautiful animal. I don't recognize the breed, though. Could it be something from the south?"
>"B-beautiful you say," the Centaur stuttered. She moved her arms to cover her breasts though her clothing was already quite modest. "Don't think you can cloud my mind with flattery. I...I'm not giving you any discounts!"
>She blushed further when the knight stepped up face to face with her. He gently cupped her cheeks and stared into her eyes.
>She tried to look away but he held her in place. She was breathing heavy and protesting weakly under her breath about indecency. Scout and the stableboy watched with red faces, uncertain if they should stop him. Or maybe step outside.
>The Knight suddenly nodded to himself. "Yes, good."
>"W-we can't. I...GAHUwa." She trailed off when he stuck his fingers in her mouth and held it open to inspect her teeth.
>Satisfied, he walked around her body once more, carefully feeling her legs, looking for sores or old injuries.
>"P...pervert," she panted, still flushed. "I-I'll call the guards. I will!"
>After feeling her hind legs he lifted her skirt out of the way and inspected her genitalia. "Ah, a mare then. Good, good."
>He nimbly dodged a kick and patted her behind. "Haha, there there. She's got fire in her alright. Definitely a warhorse." He turned to ask the stableboy, "How much do you want for her?"
>"Want for me!?" she repeated. "I am not a thing, you...you m-molester!"
>The stableboy passed a worried look between his boss and the knight. "Uh...I don't think I can sell-"
>"I'll give you 20 gold."
>"Done."
>"Hey!" the Centaur protested but the two men ignored her.
>"Do you need saddle and bridle too? I can throw them in free of charge."
>"Thank you, but I have my own tack. I'd like if you could help me get it on her though, she seems a bit skittish."




Fluffcubus

>Haughty succubus living in a monstergirl community
>Known for man-stealing and home-wrecking and just generally being a bitch
>Eventually earns the wrath of the Yeti goddess of Hugs
>She wakes up the next morning wearing a fluffy white bikini
>It's not a bikini
>It's Yeti fur
>It's covering all her girl parts and her tail, like some kind of slutty Halloween costume
>It keeps growing
>Gets so thick she starts to look like a mofucore
>Her tail is like a fuzzy lamia growing out of her ass
>When she shaves it it grows back instantly
>It's so dense and poofy it renders her Best in Class succubi Tits, Ass, and Pussy completely useless
>She can't even have sex
>Has to survive by buying spirit energy supplements like some shitty oomukade
>Yeti goddess appears before her
>"Nothing can remove your curse. The only way to rid yourself of it is through the power of true love's first kiss."
>"What!? How am I supposed to make a man fall in love with me when I can't even fuck him!?"
>Yeti goddess gives her a pitying look and vanishes
>Thus begins the quest of the fluffcubus




- A Paladin's Conversion to the Order of Hathor

Touch the cow,
I'll show you how!

First take her hand,
and grab her hips,
and kiss her brow.

Then pull her down,
Right in your lap.
Unlace her blouse; it's a snap!

Now take your hands and go to town!

With wiggling, lewd
motions that tease,
Drive them forth,
to what you must seize.

Upon hills of ivory, bountiful great
There lies pink fort, behind which gate
Is treasure stored, of legends told
The wealthiest horde, of queen's white gold.

Burst forth in torrent, so we may behold
Sweet waters warm against the cold
Gushing, rushing from upon the crest
Down valleys deep and slopes steep
Across this wonderful, bold, glistening chest!
Heaving here, beneath your hands
Stretching like elastic bands
The wobbling, wet, slippery breast
which brings forth tides,
that give rise to cow's lewd cries.

Lastly now, lift the tail and grip the thighs
Farewell we give to chastity vow
For before us lies, dripping fresh beneath our eyes,
split mounds of puffy, pink, shivering flesh.

Unleash your sword, and begin to plow!
Touch the cow,
Do it now!