WHY SAM HARRIS IS WRONG

Why Sam Harris Is Wrong
by Pladgasket Fneem, Petty Officer, Flu'urin Invasion Fleet

Dr Harris is wrong for two reasons. First, science is not NEEDED in order to apprehend the one true morality; second, that morality does not involve anything so terracentric as "human well-being".

His error is understandable, marooned as he is in the benighted ignorance of his mudball homeworld. But I am a messenger of glad tidings.

Soon, very soon, the Flu'urin - the Glorious Ones, without whom this would indeed be a dark, sorry excuse of a universe - will reach Earth. And upon the merest apprehension of their effulgent form, it will immediately be apparent, even to a gland-driven pea-brained lowlife like Homo sap, that here at last is the meaning of life, incarnate; the Ones whose existence redeems existence itself.

You may have heard scurrilous rumors, whispered to your subconscious through the galactic neutrino net, that the Flu'urin are killers. Do not believe them.

It is true that the lesser beings fade away at the coming of Their Dawn - but this is not due to the sort of organized extermination familiar from your own history. It is simply cause and effect.

After epochs of dwelling in darkness, feeling that something is missing from life itself and yet not daring to embrace death, the sight of the Glorious Ones serves as a TRIUMPHANT LIBERATION for the fortunate final generation of those unhappily constituted organisms, who instinctively and gladly expire now that they know the world can be a good place after all.

My words can only be a pale substitute for this infinite ultimate blessing. Nonetheless: rejoice! Soon you too shall know the highest ecstasy available to members of the non-Flu'urin community - the joyous life-in-death of letting go, the sheer undeniable rightness of making way for "Them".