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- >You stir as your alarm goes off
- >You hit snooze and sit up, slightly mad.
- “Why does the boss want me there? So fucking early.”
- >It's about 5 o'clock.
- >The sun isn't even up.
- >You unwillingly force yourself out of bed and get hit by a cold wave.
- >You go to your bathroom and try to take a shower.
- >Shower doesn’t work.
- “Fuck you, too, shower.”
- >You go to brush your teeth.
- >Sink doesn’t work.
- “Okay. What. The. Fuck. Now, the sink, too?”
- >You go to flush the toilet to see if that's broken too.
- >Nothing happens. At all.
- “I wonder how much repairing all this shit will cost...”
- >You decide to worry about that later and get dressed to go to work
- >You go to your garage and put on your helmet and get on your bike.
- >You open the door of the garage and are about to pull out when you notice...
- >Trees. Trees all up in this bitch.
- >You get off your bike and walk up to one of the trees and punch it to see if it's actually a tree.
- >You hurt your fist in the process.
- “Okay. This... is creepy.”
- >You get back on your bike and pull out into what seems to be a forest that grew out overnight.
- >You ride around for a while.
- >After about ten minutes, you get attacked by a strange beast and get shoved off your bike.
- >It starts snapping at you and in the process, gets your arm.
- >You whelp in pain.
- >You try to let go and gouge out one of its eyes with your thumb.
- >It backs off a bit.
- >You reach in your pocket for your folding knife.
- >You assume a fighting position.
- >The beast lunges at you again.
- >You take the knife and try to stab the thing in its temple.
- >You miss but got its other eye.
- >The beast, now blind, turns and runs into multiple trees during its escape.
- >You close your knife and see to your wound.
- >It's fairly deep.
- >You open the compartment on your bike and get out a first aid kit that you kept in there..
- >After wrapping bandages around the wound, you get up and decide to walk the bike.
- >After what seems to be an hour, you come up to what seems to be a small village.
- >You start walking closer and start seeing the odd buildings.
- >Five minutes later, you encounter a group of odd creatures...
- >Multi-colored horses.
- >Two of them walk up to you and notice your hand.
- >”Oh my, it looks injured”
- >It spoke.
- >You slap yourself and wait to see if it spoke again.
- >”Did.. it just slap itself?
- You think you’re going crazy and bend down and poke the purple horse.
- >”HEY. what's up with this thing?”
- “I'm not a thing, and you’re a talking horse.”
- >It jumps, not expecting you to talk.
- >”Did it just speak?”
- “Yes, HE just spoke, purple one.”
- >”My name is not ‘purple one.’It's Twilight Sparkle. And I’m not a horse, I'm a pony.”
- >They have names.
- “Well, Twilight, mind telling me where the fuck I am?”
- >”You’re in Ponyville.”
- “And Ponyville is located WHERE?”
- >”You’re serious? In Equestria.”
- >Equestria. What.
- “So, I'm in a world full of talking multi-colored horses and not Earth?”
- >”Earth? Is that where you’re from?”
- “Yep.”
- >”What's it like?”
- >You tell her about your home and what it's like. You talk about the war that's currently going on, and all the rape, murder, and shit that goes on.
- >”Oh my gosh, that sounds horrible!”
- “You get used to it.”
- >”Well, you will be happy to know that Equestria is nothing like your home.”
- “So, looks like I’m stuck here, huh?”
- >As you say that, another pony comes out of the sky at maddening speeds.
- >You don't even flinch as it stops about two inches from crashing into you.
- >”Wow, most p0ny's flinch when I do that! You didn’t even flinch!”
- >In reality, you had your hand on your knife the entire time.
- “Yeah...”
- >”I'm Rainbow Dash. What's your name?”
- >You realized you haven’t introduced yourself to either of them.
- “Well, name is Anon Y. Mous. Pleased to meet you, Rainbow, Twilight.
- >”Well, before you can live here, we have to show you to the Princess.
- >Princess. Oh boy, they have a monarchy.
- “Okay.. So when will that be..?”
- >”Well, let me write a letter to her first, and then we shall see.”
- >Letters. This will take a long time.
- >”Follow me.”
- “O..kay.”
- >You follow her to her... tree.
- >Inside the tree you find... a library.
- >”Spike! Come here!”
- “Oh, you have a pet?”
- >”No, he's my assistant.”
- >You start imagining a punk pony
- >A purple dragon walks down the stairs
- >”You called Twi-- What's THAT?”
- >He points at you.
- >”HIS name is Anon, Spike. He's a human.”
- >”Oh.”
- >A quill starts floating near Twilight’s head.
- >You see her write something down, and she rolls it up and hands it to Spike.
- >He burns it.
- >You have no idea how this world works.
- >He pukes up a new letter.
- >You assume your poker face.
- >”The princess has requested for me to take you to her.”
- “O...kay.”
- >”Let me go pack some things, and we will be on our way”
- “Okay... Well, I'll wait outside by my bike”
- >You go through the door and head to your bike, which has not gone unnoticed.
- >A group of p0nies have surrounded it, wondering what it is.
- >A pink one seems to be the ring leader.
- >You walk up to the crowd and their attention from the bike goes to you.
- >You hear them wondering what you are.
- >”OH WOW, OH WOW, OH WOW! I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING LIKE YOU BEFORE! MY NAME'S PINKIE PIE! WHAT'S YOURS?”
- “Name's Anon. Nice to meet you, Pinkie.”
- >“I HAVE TO THROW A PARTY!”
- “Why...?”
- >”I always throw parties for new guests.”
- >As she said this, you hear Twilight calling to you.
- >”Anon, it's time to leave/”
- “Okay.. Let me get my bike and we'll be off.”
- >You head for your bike and turn it on.
- >The ponies run.
- >You laugh in your mind.
- >Twilight is still there, not looking scared, but more intrigued.
- >”What IS that thing?”
- “It's my baby.”
- >”You.. gave birth to it?”
- “Err... in a way. I built it from scratch.”
- >”So what is it?”
- “It's a bike, Twilight, but with less pedaling and more automated movement.
- >”That's amazing. How does it work?”
- >You don't feel like explaining everything to this pony.
- “Don't we have a meeting to attend to..?”
- >”Oh, yeah. Sorry...”
- “It's okay... Now get on and hold on tight.”
- >”Okay...”
- >She looks nervous.
- >All the noise has attracted Rainbow Dash.
- >She lands in front of the bike as you were about to pull out.
- >You nearly fall off trying not to crash into her.
- “HEY. I almost ran you over. What's the bright idea?”
- >”I just came to see what the commotion was about...”
- “Well, it's just my bike...”
- >”Is it fast”
- “What?”
- >”I said, is it fast?”
- >pokerface.jpeg
- “I guess... I never really went all out on it...”
- >”Well, let's find out.”
- >You look at twilight.
- >You get off the bike for a second and open the storage compartment.
- >You reach in and grab the handcuffs that you got from your ex.
- >You have no idea why you kept them.
- >You get back on and tell Twilight to put her hooves around your waist.
- >You apply the cuffs.
- >”What are you doing...?”
- “Accepting Rainbow's challenge.”
- >”But we have to get to Canterlot before sundown.”
- “Okay, then. The race is to Canterlot. Happy?”
- >”No, Rainbow has her own duties to attend.”
- >No fucks were given as you revved the engine on your bike.
- >You lined up next to rainbow and then realized.
- “Uhhh, which way to Canterlot?”
- >Rainbow points towards a castle that you see off in the distance.
- “Oh. How did I miss that...? Oh well. On the count of three...”
- “One.”
- >”Two”
- >Three, and you’re both off. Rainbow takes the lead in the beginning, but you quickly fix that.
- >”AHHHHHH, SLOW DOWN!”
- >You forgot about Twilight, but you’re having too much fun to care.
- “ANY TURNS COMING UP THAT I SHOULD KNOW OF?!”
- >”TAKE A LEFT AHEAD”
- “ALRIGHT”
- >You see the turn twilight mentioned, and in the best way you can, make the turn with out losing speed, and twilight.
- >”Ha-ha your pretty good on that thing, Lets see if you can keep up”
- >Keep up. You mean to say she hasn’t been going all out at all?
- >You look at your speedometer. Not even going 60.
- >Your eye's then bounce to fuel. Barely ¼ tank left.
- >Your eyes switch back to the road. A huge tree grows larger from your viewpoint, as you speed towards It.
- “OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK”
- >You barely manage to swerve around the tree and keep twilight in he seat. With out those cuffs, she'd be gone by now.
- “Twilight, still there?”
- >”Y..Yea...”
- “Well hold on. I'm going to go WAY faster.”
- >”YOU CAN GO FASTER”
- >You gun the throttle, accelerating up to 100MPH.
- >You hear twilight sequel, but take no notice only focusing on a certain Pegasus pony that's slowly coming into sight.
- >before she can realize it, you getting ahead of her, and she's left in your dust.
- >But she quickly changes that, accelerating even faster then before.
- >Shit, she's fast... You wonder if your bike will run out of gas before you get there.
- “Hey, Twilight, How much longer till we reach this place?”
- >”A..At this speed, a..about ten minutes.
- “Let's make that Five.”
- >You max out the speed of your bike at 160mph.
- >Again your ahead of Dash, and seems like your going to stay there.
- “HA, IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? I THOGHT YOU WERE BETTER THEN THAT!”
- >You shouldn’t have said that you stupid fuck.
- >She pull's straight up for about 20 seconds.
- >In your mind you have this won.
- >”A...Anon... I don't think that was the brightest thing to say to her of all pony's.”
- “Why?”
- >RAINBOOM.gif
- >You come flying off your bike from the force of the boom, and see a rainbow go zooming past you.
- >you twist in mid crash, and manage to catch twilight, but bang your fucked up arm ageist the ground In the process of doing so.
- “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT.”
- >”That.. Was a Sonic Rainboom... I'm surprised she pulled it off. She's only done it twice successfully before.
- “Well, That was one of the coolest thing's I have ever seen, but...
- >You stand up after undoing the cuffs on twilight’s hooves, and make your way to your bike.
- >The front wheel is fucked up, but other then that it seems to still work.
- “Shit... This is going to be a bitch to move.”
- >”Umm, Let me see if I can help”
- >Twilight stood up, and headed towards your bike.
- >You bike starts glowing purple. Then fly's.
- >wat.
- “Uh... How long can you hold it like that?”
- >”Long enough to get to Canterlot.
- “And how long is that on fo... hoof?
- >”Well thanks to your race with Rainbow, about 5 minutes.”
- “Well, lets get started.”
- >Not wasting a second, you start off in the direction of Canterlot, holding you arm.
- >”Are you okay? You look like your bleeding...”
- “I'm fine... Old wound. From when I first got here. Must have opened up again when I caught you.”
- >”You want me look at it..?”
- “Nah, That's fine. I'll clean it out my self later.”
- >it's silent from then until you reach Canterlot. Then you see Rainbow standing there with a smug look on her face.
- "Well ain't you a happy one."
- >”DID YOU SEE IT!?!I PULLED IT OFF! I'M SOOO HAPPY RIGHT NOW”
- “Not only did we see it, we FELT it. Nearly broke my back protecting poor twilight over here... AND my bike got fucked up.”
- >Hearing that made her feel bad, but not enough for you notice.
- >”Well, we have to be off Rainbow. Head back to Ponyville. We should be back tomarrow.
- >”Awww, But I wanted to hang with anon some more”
- >”You have a job in Ponyville. You need to be there.
- >”Fine... Hey, anon, if you come back to ponyville, wanna hangout”
- “Sure, why the hell not. You seem like you know how to have fun.”
- >”Sweet! Well I'll see you back in ponyville”
- >She flys off twards the town, and you and twilight start off twards the castle
- >On your way there you encounter a group of stange pony's.
- >They seem to be walking in a robitc fasion in suits, to some strange music. It seems to be in.. Japanesse?
- > You stand there and stare at them wondering wtf is going on. You admit, you like the song.
- >*They are dancing like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDOPNLzEFH0
- >”Hey, Anon, you just going to stand there? He have a scedual to keep!”
- “Huh. Oh Yea. Meeting with the Princess.
- >You kinda just wanted to watch the dancer's more, but when you turn back to them, but their are gone.
- >You sigh, and head off to the castle once more.
- >After about ten minutes of walking, and much staring, you arrive at the castle gate.
- >The guards open the gate after Twilight speaks to them, but eye you cirously.
- >”Oh, he's with me.”
- >The guards let you pass.
- >your walking through the courtyard, when you thought you heard something call your name.
- >”Anon, Over here.”
- >”Yes. That's the way...”
- >You follow the voice to a strange statue. It looks like some sort of Chimera off a show you used to watch.
- >You read the plack: “Discord, The Incarnation of Chaos”
- “huh. Could have sworn something was calling.”
- >”Hey, anon what are you looking at?”
- “Oh, uh, nothing twilight.
- >You head back to twilight's side, dismissing what had just happened.
- >After a small walk, you enter the throne room.
- >you see a glowing horse/pony thing sitting in the throne.
- >You assume it's the princess.
- >Twilight bows.
- >fuckthatshit.jpeg.
- >You sit yo ass down on the floor.
- >She stares at you, but you lack any fucks to give.
- >”You must be anon.. I have herd about you from my student Twilight.”
- “Eeyup. And you must be that nigga Twilight's been blabbering about.”
- >what. Did you just say. To the god damned princess. You fucking dumb-ass.
- >”I'm sorry, but what what dose nigga mean..?”
- >You have the chance to make the most powerful being in this land, say nigga to all her friends. Of course your going to take it.
- “Well, from where I come from, You say it to someone you respect, or are friends with.”
- >”Oh, Okay, Well, we are here to discuss the terms of your arrival and your being here
- >You plan failed.
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