Anon's Girly Adventure Part Three

> As you walk, you pass the school.
> Despite it being almost 9am, there's a shitload of kids outside.
>Damn teacher needs to fucking do her job.
>"Hey!"
> You turn around, and Diamond Tiara and her crew are glaring at you.
>"That Tiara is MINE!"
"Do you have proof?"
>"I don't need proof, its--"
"YOU THINK YOU'RE ABOVE THE LAW, CRIMINAL SCUM?"
>"What? No! I don't need proof, because it's on my flank!"
> She turns around to show you.
> You stoop down and get dangerously close to her ass.
> It's cool though, only MEN can be child molesters.
> You shake your head and 'tssk'.
"It's a shame, really. Parents letting their kids get tattoos. "
>"What? It's not a tattoo, it's my cutie--"
> You punch her in the ass, sending her face first into the dirt.
> Your fist feels sticky.
> You look, and a huge chunk of her cutie mark is donning your knuckles.
"Holy shit, it WAS a tattoo!"
> You turn to Sweetie Belle, and punch her in the flank with the same fist.
> The tattoo is now attached to Sweetie.
"From now on, YOU are head bitch in charge."
> She nods, her smile rivaling Pinkie Pie's when she's tweaking.
>"What's going on out here?"
> Ohshit
> You skip away from campus like the bad bitch you are.
> You find yourself in a clearing, where a couple of ponies about to fly in an hot air ballon.
> You run full speed toward them, shouting gibberish and foaming at the mouth.
> They all bail as you jump into the basket head first.
> Except one.
> Well, he looks at you.
> And you look at him.
> And he looks at you.
> And you look at him.
> And he looks at you.
> And you look at him.
> And he says "Im sorry, what did you want again?"
> You say "KETCHUP!"
> And says "Oh, yeah that's right! I'll be right back in a second; I'm really kinda burnt tonight."
> Somewhere in the distance, you hear Cheese Sandwich crying tears of joy.
> Then the other guy cuts the ropes holding the ballon down.
> Fuck, you can't fly a ballon.
> As you ascend further from the ground, you panic.
> You don't want to go to the sun.
> It's hot there and you strongly prefer colder weather.
> You also hate burning to death.
> You look down at the dangling ropes.
> Maybe you could...
---
Meanwhile, at Sweet Apple Acres...
>"An' she said 'Applejack, yuh caint eat awl them apples' an' Ah said 'Looky here,bitch--"
> "AppleJack, as much as I would love to hear your darling story about the time you went into an apple induced coma, I'll have to take a raincheck. I'm only here for your brother."
> "Eyup."
> "Alrighty, just dun go around and git pregnant, or Ah'll buck yer ovaries inta next week, ya here?"
> "Oh, I wouldn't dare allow a filty earth po--is that Anon?"
> All three of them look up. Indeed, Anon was dangling from a hot air balloon by his foot, giving everyone a nice view of his underwear.
>"Eyup."
> "Yup."
>"Mmmhmm."
> A beer can was heard opening somewhere.
> "Come along, Macintosh. Momma needs her dicking."
---
Back in the air....
> You feel dizzy. You're sure every ounce of blood in you body had rushed to your head.
> You can't even enjoy the view; your dress is up over your head.
> Wait...what's that flapping sound?
"Who's there?"
> "Do you need help, little lady?"
"Who the fuck are you calling little? What the fuck did you just say to me? I've--"
>"Please stop. It's over used. Do you need help or not?"
"...yeah, dude."
> You feel the the rope being tampered with.
"...."
> This is taking too long.
"Could you go any slower?"
> I'm fucking trying! Hooves and knots don't mix!"
"Why don't you use your horn, idiot?"
>"...because I'm not an alicorn."
"Not with that attitude, you're not. Twilight did it."
>"You're not too bright, are you?"
"I'm very bright. I just wear a lampshade to fool people. "
> You feel the rope release your leg.
> That's better.
> Your dress goes back down, and you can see again.
> Much better!
> Everything is beautiful!
> The sky!
> The trees!
> The grass thats coming towards you at a startling rate!
> OHSHI--
> Your head jerks violently as your body suddenly changes direction.
> Fuck, that hurt.
> You come to a complete hault in the middle of the sky.
> You rub your neck.
"I think you gave me whiplash!"
>"I could have let you fall."
"Where's Brian Lonecar when you need him!?"
> "Who?"
"The guy from the commer--nevermind, it's Texas thing."
>"What's a Texas? "
"Nevermind."
> You look at your savior.
"Jesus Christ, why didn't you do anything?"
> Jesus shrugs. "I tried, but the traffic up here is horrible."
>"Who are you talking to?
"No one."
> You look at your CURRENT savior.
"Sorin?"
> "Of course! Who else is that fast?"
"Rainb--"
>"You shut your filthy mouth."