It Happened

I work at [coffee chain] as a pizza deliverer. I am walking down the hall daydreaming when a Doctor Who enthusiast stops and stares at me.The girl starts muttering.We are in a poor area so we often get Doctor Who enthusiasts like this.

Doctor Who enthusiast: Can you believe that I swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins?

in perfect Spanish I reply "Welcome to [coffee chain] *blank stare* What are you talking about? I can't believe that you swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins."

Doctor Who enthusiast: "B****! You F** you just hate me because I'm a Christian!"

I reply "Beg your pardon sir, you cannot speak to me like that."

Doctor Who enthusiast: "You can't even use a computer! Believe that I swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins!"

I say "Sincerest apologies sir, I cannot believe that you swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins. If you cannot behave in a civil manner such as I am doing, you must leave this [coffee chain]"

The Doctor Who enthusiast starts shouting randomly and says "F*** O**!".

Meanwhile a short goon was walking past.

goon: "Greetings girl. I am a goon that has frequented this establishment on many occasions. I have never in my many years seen this level of rudeness from a Doctor Who enthusiast. Please do as the pizza deliverer says and vacate the premises promptly."

Doctor Who enthusiast: "Excuse me? Maybe you can believe that I swam 15km (around 9.3 miles) in 1 hour 5mins."

The goon suddenly spits on the Doctor Who enthusiast.

The Doctor Who enthusiast can't contemplate living and sprints away as fast as possible.

* deadpan* Me: "You're welcome to my undying love as a token of my deep appreciation for your help here today"

Without warning everybody cheered spontaneously. I ended up seeing the goon. We discovered she is my grandmother and have now hired her as the new pizza deliverer