[Start]
message=%owner , the mighty Derp Empire has long stood proud at the pinnacle of derpitude, towering above the rest of the world and other lesser, unimportant nations! Our Salt mines have sustained our Empire for centuries: feeding our people the Derp they need daily, powering our infrastructure and wifi-connections as well as our weapons! But now, an incredible discovery in one of our Salt mines related to DerpPls research has provoked the ire of all the surrounding countries! The object of their desire?: a single cube containing seemingly unfathomable amounts of raw DerpPls energy. War has been declared against the Great Derp Empire and the combined military might of our neighbours might be too much for us. The cube itself has been stolen right under our noses by the infamous mercenary 228Zip, who then sent us a hologram message where he taunted us in a most french manner. God-Derperor Shenchair the Ist and his most trusted advisor Pilton-Jess-A321Pilot ask you so come to the conference room.

[Fail1]
message=On your way to the conference room, you bump your toe on the stairs and fall down the stairs, you'll need to go to the hospital to recover! YOU FAIL FeelsBadMan

[Stage2]
message=%owner as well as two great Derps of the Empire, Dasqoot and Lavajackal, are tasked to retrieve the cube for its secrets might very well save the Derp Empire! You and your companions must first leave the great Derp Capital of Derpchatopolis, under siege by the damnable MMendez and his troops! %owner decides to take an underground passageway located near the barracks to the outskirts of the capital, which leads to a relay station where transport can be acquired! But as you are about to unveil the secret passage by pushing a button, the sound of boots can be heard, as well as the tittering of a large creature: The barracks have been invaded by traitors and MMendezian agents! Sheepie1028, a general of MMendez enters the room, laughing and brandishing a Derp-powered chainsaw-sword "You won't leave from here alive!" he says.

[Fail2]
message=You decide to fight the intruders instead of fullfilling your mission: you quickly tell your comrades to get into position but before you can take aim at Sheepie1028 takes out a powerful weapon out of his pockets: a Densely concentrated Salt-grenade! It could easily take out the enemy squad. But as he lifts his arm to throw it, Lavajackal ResidentSleeper and the grenade falls to the ground, killing everyone except Lavajackal who somehow fell into the tunnel by the force of the blast, where he's sound asleep. YOU FAILED, the Derp Empire crumbles and everyone curses %owner 's name as they are reduced to a life without memes FeelsBadMan

[Complete]
message=Instead of taking a fight you probably can't win considering that half of your squad is Resident Sleeper, you push Lavajackal who was about to throw a meme-filled grenade at the enemy right into Sheepie1028 's arms. Dasqoot grabs you by the collar, pushes the button and you both stumble into the passageway by the force of the explosion. %owner is stunned for a while as the sound of "Bananaphone" and "Weed" can be heard from above. When you finally get on your feet,  the entrance is sealed. Neither you or Dasqoot regret your decision. You take the lead: What may lie ahead? To adventure! YOU WIN FeelsGoodMan . To be continued...