The Pokehouse From Hell



This, peoples, is the Pokehouse from Hell. It is the inspiration for pictures, and makes a mockery of a lot of things. It was originally intended as a roleplay for a site, but hasn't been put up yet.
*warning* This contains censored coarse language, sexual implications, violence and bad humour. Read at your own risk.
That aside, we (Eagle and myself) hope you have as much fun reading this as we did writing it, so many glasses of Coca-Cola ago.



Omastar: Hello, and welcome to the Pokéhouse from Hell.
Omastar: Here we have put together nine Pokémon trainers that all know each other.
Omastar: This is going to be fun.
Omastar: Especially since they know each other well enough to hate each other. So sit back, relax, and watch as the Hell unfolds.
Omastar: First we have Catryn, Jared and Logan…the Team Rocket trio.

*Scene changes to a car on a road*


Jared: Damn. A flat tyre. Four of them.
Logan: And it’s raining. We’re going to have to stay the night in the car.
Catryn: Well I refuse to spend the night with you two again.
She pointed at Jared.
Catryn: He snores!
Jared: Well, we could stay there.
Catryn: Huh?
Jared points and Catryn sees a house illuminated in the lightning.
Logan: It’s either that or we’re in the back seat again.
Catryn: OK, OK, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.

Omastar: Second we have a trio from Team Terra. Steven, Darren and Sylvia.

*another road*


Darren: Push!
Sylvia: It-won’t-budge.
Darren: Come on, keep trying.
Steven: It isn’t working.
Darren: It might help if you came out and pushed too.
Steven: It won’t. This thing’s stuck in the mud.
Sylvia: Great. So now what are WE supposed to do?
Darren (helpfully): We could freeze to death.
Sylvia: that’s not what I had in mind.
Darren: What about that big house over there?
Sylvia and Steven: WHAT?!

Omastar: and finally we have the trio from the indigo Plateau. Crow, Hydro and Angel.

*a dark, wet road*


Angel: Well THAT was a good idea.
Hydro: Is it my fault it started raining?
Angel: YES!
Crow: KA-choo.
Angel: Pikachu? Where?
Crow: I mean-oh, never mind.
They walk for a bit.
Crow: Did anyone actually think to check the weather report?
Hydro: I was going to…but…
Angel: Let me guess, you got sidetracked.
Crow: What else did you expect? He’s good at that.
Hydro: So why don’t you all just pick on me then?
Angel: We are.
Crow: What’s that?
Angel: Is it drier than it is out here?
Crow: Probably.
Angel: Let‘s go then.
Hydro: But…but…
Angel: NOW!!

Logan: Woah, big.
Jared: Woah, spooky.
Catryn; Hello, dry!
Jared: Good point.
They go inside.

Darren: We finally got here.
Sylvia: No thanks to you.
Steven: Can we just go in already?
Sylvia: Well, it will be dry in there…
Darren: Cool.
They go inside.

Catryn: YOU!!!
Jared and Logan: Him?
Steven: YOU!!!
Sylvia and Darren: Her?
Omastar (snapping fingers, well, tentacles): Worked this one out yet?

Angel: This is the place? Sounds like someone’s already there.
There is a crash, followed by a yell and another crash.
Hydro: We better go ask if we can stay.
Crow: Think we should?
Hydro: No.
Angel: Yes. Now move it.

Hydro: Um…hi.
All movement in the room stops.
Angel: Are we interrupting something?
She takes in the scene. Catryn and Sylvia have knives to each other’s throats, Darren and Jared about to bash each other’s brains in and Logan about to twist Steven’s leg into a very painful position.
Angel: I guess we are.
They stare at each other then Gohan walks in, wearing a black cape and white platform shoes studded with rhinestones. Everyone stares
Angel: What the…?
Suddenly music comes from nowhere. Gohan throws off the cloak revealing he is wearing a sequined black teddy and black stockings.
Gohan: I’m just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania!
He walks out.
Hydro: That was…disturbing.
Crow: We don’t have Transylvania.

Catryn, Sylvia, Logan, Steven, Jared and Darren look at each other, realise the weirdness of the situation and slowly back off.

Angel: Well, I’m glad that’s all settled.

Omastar: Wanna bet?

Letha: So, how long do we keep them there?
Mercury: About a week. We don’t want them going suicidal on us.
Letha: Are you sure that’s what you want?
Mercury: It’s what I want.
Letha: Very well, we’ll do this one your way. We’ll do the next one my way.
Mercury: Agreed.
Both turn back, waiting to see the insanity unfold.

Sylvia: And they’re so-so-so…
Angel: Stubborn.
Sylvia: And rude.
Angel: And slow.
Angel and Sylvia: And they smell.
Angel: Problem is I’m working in a testosterone pumped environment.
Sylvia: Punch?
Angel: I’d like to.
Sylvia: no, I mean would you like some punch?
Angel: Please!
Sylvia: Hey, go easy. There’s not much left.

Jared: I hate my hair.
Crow: Come sit down. Have a beer.
Jared: Thanks.
Crow: I had to get away from Angel.
Jared: Oh?
Crow: Yeah, she can’t take anything seriously.
Jared: Ouch.
Angel: Hey!
The guys turn to see a slightly unsteady Angel and Sylvia.
Sylvia: We’ve run out of punch. Anything to drink?
Jared and Crow’s faces light up.
Jared: Sure. Have a beer.

Catryn: I probably shouldn’t have drunk that.
Logan: Hi.
Catryn: On second thoughts…
Logan: Want to dance?
Catryn: There’s no music…
Music starts. It’s Queen. Crazy Little Thing Called Love, to be precise.

Letha looks at Mercury.
Letha: Where did you get that taste in music?
Mercury shrugs.

Steven walks up to Logan and Catryn.
Steven: Mind if I break in?
Logan punches him in the nose.
Logan: Yes.

Catryn stares in shock as Steven and Logan start to fight. Angel, Sylvia, Jared, Hydro, Darren and Crow come in the room. They start to cheer and wolf-whistle. Catryn notices they all have beers.

The music stops. We Will Rock You comes on. Angel and Sylvia start to clap in time, Jared and Crow start to sing.

Hydro and Darren look at each other.
Hydro: Should we break it up
Darren: Nah, this is fun.
Hydro: Hey, you’re right! Go-
An empty beer can hits Hydro in the head.
Hydro: Ow!
Crow: Oops, sorry.
Jared ended the whole thing by smashing the end off of a beer bottle and threatening to kill Logan. Crow stopped him and Logan walked off. He found a very concerned Catryn, who told him how brave he was and-

Omastar: Oops. Let’s break off there, everyone.

Steven watches as Logan and Catryn walked off. He feels extremely jealous.
Steven(thinking): I’m going to have to do something about that. Kill him, maybe.

Hydro: Where is everyone?
Darren: No idea. Hey, there’s Logan.
Hydro: Why is he sneaking out of Catryn’s room?
Darren: Uh…let’s ignore that…There’s Angel.
Darren goes up and pokes Angel. Angel groans.
Angel: Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m dead?
Darren: No.
Angel: Well I am, see.
She goes back to sleep.

Jared: Um, Hydro?
Hydro: What? Where are you?
Jared: Look up!
Hydro: Holy shit. Why are you in the ceiling?
Jared: I fell off the cupboard and the floor collapsed.
Hydro: Why were you on the cupboard?
Jared: Do you have any idea what Sylvia’s like when she’s drunk?
Darren: Yes. Don’t blame you
He shudders.
Jared: Get me down!
Hydro: Shouldn’t you be saying, “get me up”? I don’t really think you would want to fall down.
Darren: Isn’t falling up impossible?
Jared: Not from my point of view. Ah, she’s back! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!
Hydro: Wait a second.
Hydro chucks a Voltorb (Don’t ask where he got it from) at Jared, who falls down. He lands on Darren.
Darren: Ugh. Let me up!! Ow!
The find Sylvia passed out upstairs.
Hydro: Was she really that scary?
Jared: She only passed out a few seconds ago.
Hydro: Man she has amazing staying power there.
Jared and Darren: Tell me about it.
Jared: Remind me how I ended up in a room with her again?
Darren: I refused.
Jared: Oh. Now I see why.

Omastar: Now I don’t even want to know what that was about.

Angel: I’m hungry.
Crow: Oh shut up. Ow.
Angel: You OK?
Crow: Do I look it? Of course I’m not OK.
Angel: Aw, poor wittle fing.
Crow: Please, go away.
Angel: Just seeing of you wanted some food.
Crow: Let me sleep.
Angel: OK, OK.

Angel wanders through the house in search of food. She finds a dead body in a cupboard but decides it is not edible. She walks into the kitchen.

Farfetch’d: F*ck F*ck B*tch.
Angel: Excuse me?
Farfetch’d: B*tch B*tch B*tch F*ck.
Angel: Don’t you mean Fetched, Fetched, Fetched Far?
Farfetch’d: F*ck B*tch F*ck. B*tch.
Angel: Very well then, eat this.
She chucks a knife at the Farfetch’d, who squawks “F*ck” and dies. Another walks in, gets hit by a knife and f*cks its last f*ck. Suddenly a whole flock comes in. Angel grabs the two dead birds and runs.

Angel bumps into Jared.
Angel: Ahhh! Look out for the F*ck B*tches!
Jared: What?
Angel: They say b*tch. And f*ck. And f*ck. And b*tch. And one called me a f*cked b*tch.
Jared: Have you been drinking?

Darren: Mmm. That was good. Who cooked?
Angel raises her hand.
Darren: What was it?
Angel: Um…roast F*ckb*tch.
Everyone else starts choking.
Angel: Don’t worry, they’re edible. Just a bit coarse.

All (except Hydro, who is sitting in a corner with his head in his hands wishing he were drunk): It’s long, It’s wide, it’s too big for a wizard to hide, it’s impressive! And it’s got a knob on the end. (sung to Crazy Little Thing Called Love)

Hydro groans.

Mercury: Haven’t heard that version before.
Letha: How many versions do you know?
Mercury: Umm…

Jared: Hey, I found a kareoke machine!
At the sound of that Logan and Catryn sneak out of the room.

Mercury: Letha, you have a warped sense of humour.
Letha: That wasn’t me.
Mercury: Huh?
Goddish: He he he…

Jared: We're in trouble all the time
You read about us all in the papers
We walk around and bump into walls - a blind delegation
And we ain't afraid of high power
We're bullet proof And we've never heard of Eisenhower
Missile power, justice or truth

All: We're the Department of Youth
Your new Department of Youth
We're the Department of Youth
Just me and youth

Steven: We talk about this whole stupid world
And still come out laughing
We never make any sense
But hell that never mattered
But we'll make it through our blackest hour
We're living proof And we've never heard of Billy Sunday
Damon Runyon, manners or couth

All: We're the Department of Youth
Your new Department of Youth
We're the Department of Youth
Just me and youth

We're the Department of Youth
The new Department of Youth
We're the Department of Youth
We've got the power
We're the Department of Youth
And who gave it to you?
Crow: Donny Osmond!
All: What?!

Several badly sung songs later…

Hydro: and she had no fear,
she ran to him,
and they started to fly,
they looked backwards and said goodbye,

Angel: (She had become like they are! )

Hydro: she had taken his hand,

Angel: ( She had become like they are! )

Hydro: Come on Mary,

Both: Don't fear the Reaper...

They put down their microphones. Most of the people listening had started to cry. (Well, they were drunk…)

Goddish: Oh, that was so sweet.
Mercury: Why are you here?
Goddish: Because I want to be.
Letha: Piss off.
Letha fires a beam at Goddish. Goddish disappears.

Crow: Oh man, if these old walls could talk…
Wall: actually…
Crow: AHHHH!!!
Crow runs into the other room, where Hydro and Sylvia are talking.
Crow: The walls are talking! The walls are talking!
Sylvia: Are you OK?
Crow: The walls! They talked!
Wall: Don’t be ridiculous.
Hydro: Yeah, don’t be ridiculous.
Crow: See? It talked again!
Wall: No I didn’t.
Crow: Yes you did.
Wall: No I didn’t.
Crow: Yes you did.
Wall: No I didn’t.
Crow: OK, it’s just me going crazy.
Wall: I agree.
Hydro: So do I.
Sylvia: I notice a fatal flaw in this discussion.
Floor: I’m not fatal…
Sylvia: Argh. Not another one.
Crow: We have got to get out of here.
Hydro: But It’s still raining.
Crow: How long can it last?
Wall: Well I heard one day it rained for forty days-
Hydro: I don’t want to hear it.
Wall: OK, we’ll be quiet.
Floor: We will?
Ceiling: I don’t know about you but I sure as hell ain’t.
Hydro: Can we leave the room now?
Door: No.
Crow: Well stuff you.
They run out.
Wall: What rude people.
Door: Yeah, they slammed me. That hurt.

Jared: This isn’t roast f*ck again, is it?
Angel: No.
Jared: Then what is it?
Angel:…Canned soup.
Jared: You hesitated before saying c-
Angel: Look, it’s edible. You want to know what it is, you cook.
Jared: notice you’re not eat-
Angel: Eat it, OK?
Jared: OK, OK…*gulp*

Omastar: And now we will focus on one person and watch as he slips through the five stages of male drunkenness.

Omastar: Stage one: Smart.

Jared: I tell you, you talked to me.
Wall: No I didn’t. This is your imagination.
Floor: Yeah.
Jared: Then why are you still talking to me? I imagined you away a long time ago.
Wall: I am the ghost of Christmas past…oops. Forget that.
Floor: Wrong decade.
Wall: I know, I know.
Jared: Stop talking. Walls don’t talk.
Door: You’re right. It was me.
Jared: Who are you?
Door: The Door.
Jared: They don’t talk either…

Omastar: Stage two: Good looking.

Jared: Hey Sylvia.
Sylvia: Hey.
Jared: I had an interesting conversation with the walls just then.
Sylvia: Oh?
Jared: Yeah. But it turned out it was the door. Don’t like the Door.
Sylvia: Neither do I. Doors suck. You keep walking into them when you’re drunk.

Omastar: Stage three: rich

Jared: I‘ll see you and raise you five bucks.
Darren: Pretty sure of yourself, hey?
Hydro: I fold.
Crow: I’ll see you…actually, I think I’ll fold too. *Hic*
Jared: See? Royal Flush. I win again.
Darren: Why you dirty rotten little cheater.

Omastar: Now we quickly pass onto stage four: bulletproof.

Jared: What did you say?
Darren: That you cheated.
Jared: Yeah? Come over here and say that.
Darren: OK.
Sylvia intervenes. Steven drags Darren into another room.
Steven: Come on, we have work to do.

Omastar: And now for the fifth stage: Invisible.

Logan: Where’d Jared go?
Catryn: And where’d Sylvia go?
Logan: Let’s follow their example…mmf…

Omastar: This is the secret sixth stage of drunkenness: after-drunkenness.

Jared: Oh…my head…what am I doing in the kitchen?
Farfetch’d: F*ck B*tch.
Jared: Ahhh!!!

Angel and Sylvia are talking. Jared walks past.
Angel: Oh my…Jared, you’re bright red. Are you sunburned?
Jared: No.
Jared walks away quickly.
Angel: What brought that on?
Sylvia: No idea…

Darren: So why am I doing this again?
Steven: Do I have to explain everything to you? I want Catryn. The only thing standing between me and her is that…
Darren: Logan?
Steven: Exactly.
Darren: So this is your plan to eliminate competition?
Steven: Yes.
Darren: I don’t think this is going to make you very popular with the lady.
Steven: You’re right. You don’t think. You’re an imbecile.
Darren: Thankyou sir.
Steven: Darren, you never cease to amaze me.

Hydro: Have you noticed the water?
Crow: Yep. Water. Waterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwaterwater
Hydro: You could have just said a lot of water.
Crow: I did.
Hydro rolls his eyes.
Hydro: Does it seem to you everyone’s getting a little…weirder?
Crow: No, everyone seems about the same…Why are Sylvia and Angel hanging around each other?
Hydro: because Catryn is preoccupied.
Crow: What?
Hydro: Forget I ever said anything.
Crow: I’ll do that.
Wall: I won’t. I’m getting wet.
Crow: You know, when people say ‘if only these walls could talk’…
Wall: Yeah…
Crow: I don’t think they mean it literally.
Wall: They shouldn’t say it then.
Hydro: Good point. Do most metaphors live around here?
They hear a meow and a bark.
Wall: Well, it’s raining cats and dogs…
Hydro looks out the window.
Hydro: Holy…It’s right. Come have a look at this!
Crow: I must ask…you have a male voice. Are you male or female?
Hydro: It’s a wall. Walls don’t have genders.
Wall: Of course we do. How do you thing dog kennels are made?
Hydro: If it’s all the same I’d rather not.

Mercury: Letha, you have got to stop this.
Letha: Why?
Mercury: because no one’s supposed to die.
Letha: Oh, no one will die…
Mercury: Are you sure?
Letha: Yes…
Mercury: Letha, stop it now.
Letha: Don’t use that tone of voice on me.
Mercury: Letha…
Letha: Oh, all right.

Steven: OK Darren, you ready?
Darren: Yes sir.
Steven: Let’s go.
Logan and Catryn walk down the upstairs hallway, completely ignoring the walls, who seem to be whispering at them.
Steven: GO-
Steven fell through the floor into the kitchen.

Farfetch’d: F*CK F*CK F*CK!
Darren: What the f*ck?
Farfetch’d: F*ck!
The Farfetch’d start running through the house, not waiting to go around walls.
Wall: OW! That hurt! This is all your fault.
Steven: Oh yea-OW. Where did that come from?
Steven had walked into a wall.
Wall: Serves you right.

Hydro: Question: Why do you insist on getting drunk every night?
Angel: Put it this way: Would you want to sleep alone in this house if you weren’t at least a little intoxicated?
Hydro: I don’t know What’s wrong with this house?
Walls: My parents never loved me when I was young.
Angel: How drunk am I?
Hydro: Not enough for that to be real.
Steven walks in. He walks into a wall.
Steven: Ow. Why do I keep walking into walls?
Wall: We don’t like you.
Sylvia: We?
Steven falls through the floor.
Floor: Yes. We.
Steven: Hey, there’s a cellar down here.
Sylvia: Cellar as in wine?
Steven: No. Cellar as in…AHH! Raticates. OW! AH! OUCH! HELP!!!
Angel: Should we help him?
Catryn: Nah.
Darren: Four and twenty virgins,
Came from Iverness,
And when the ball was over,
There were four and twenty less.

Hydro: This should be interesting.
Angel: Have I ever heard this song before?
Hydro: probably not, but if you have you were probably too drunk to remember the words.
Angel: Excellent.
Angel starts to sing la la lalalala in tempo, if not in tune.

Catryn: Farmer Giles he was there
Sickle in his hand,
And every time he turned around,
He circumcised the band.

Logan: Ow. Catryn, that’s disgusting. Where’d you learn that?
Catryn: Ask Jared. He taught me.
Logan: ?!

Jared: The mayor’s daughter she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
Jumping off the mantelpiece,
And bouncing off her –Ow. Sylvia, that hurt.

Steven: The rats are eating up my toes
Could you please help me now?
Get me out of this hellhole,
I don’t really care how.

Darren gives him a hand up. Steven continues.

The village idiot he was there,
He did a silly trick,
He-Ow OW! Darren, stop it!

Darren: Don’t say it.
Steven: But-
Darren: Don’t. There are ladies present.
Angel: There are? Where?
Door: Here!
Hydro: The walls are male and the door’s a lady. Explains a lot.
Jared: What?
Hydro: Oh, nothing.

They continue like that for the rest of the night.

Later that morning a heart-stopping scream sounds through the house.

Angel: Sylvia! What’s wrong?
Sylvia: There-There’s no more alcohol left!
Angel: Well, I don’t want to stay here with you guys sober.
Crow: I don’t want to stay here with you two at all.
Sylvia sticks her tongue out at Crow then goes back to complaining.
Sylvia: It’s still raining. We can’t leave anyway. The car needs to be fixed.
Crow: You have a car? We have to walk home.
Jared: I need a drink.
Sylvia: No alcohol.
Jared: NOOOO!!!
Angel: Yes.
Hydro: Yes what?
Angel: Yes there’s no alcohol.
Hydro: Thank God.

Mercury: You’re welcome.
Letha: You spoil all the fun.

Steven: Logan, come here. I saw you sneaking out of-OW!
Wall: Oops, sorry.
Steven: As I was saying, that’s the fourth time I’ve seen you sneaking out of Catryn’s room in the morning.
Logan: So?
Steven: So-Ouch!
Wall: Sorry again.
Logan: Well,. I better go grab breakfast.
Logan walks off and Steven, after looking around, walks into Catryn’s room.

Darren: No alcohol?
Hydro: No alcohol.
Darren: None at all?
Hydro: No.
Logan: No what?
Darren: No alcohol.
Logan: Oh.
Darren: Aren’t you at least a little bit upset?
Logan: No.
Darren: Heartless bastard.
Logan: Hey, I came in for breakfast, not to be called names.
Darren: Sorry.
Hydro: Where’s Steven?
Darren: Why should I care?
Logan: Well I last saw him in the hall.
Angel: What, you mean by Catryn’s room?
Logan: Yeah…Oh f*ck.
Wall: Literally.
Logan: Don’t you give people some privacy?
Wall: Not when they’re screaming that loud I don’t.
Logan: Ah. Can’t you help her?
Wall: Usually I wouldn’t, but because I don’t like that guy, I’ll get the ceiling to fall on him.
Steven: OW! (comes from the direction of Catryn’s room.)

Crow (to tune of Auld Lang Syne): No beer, no beer, no beer, no beer, no-o beer, no beer no beer-
Jared: Oh, shut up. Got any twos?
Crow: Go fish.

Angel: OK, truth or dare?
Sylvia: Dare.
Angel: I dare you to go stand out in the rain for five minutes.
Sylvia: But the Meowths’ll claw me.
Angel: Hence the dare.
Sylvia, grumbling, goes outside.
Meowth: Meowth!
Growlithe: Grow!
Sylvia: ARGH! How long’s it been?
Angel: About 30 seconds.
Sylvia: Aw, man.

Hydro: Come on, it really works.
Darren: You’re kidding.
Hydro: Nah, it works. All you have to do is turn it on.
Darren: That’s disgusting.
Hydro: Look, trust me. I know about these things.
There is a click and suddenly the light comes on
Darren: Oh my, it really does work.
Hydro: I told you, the light switch works every time.

Angel: OK, what’s this?
Jared: You know the Fu- ah, coarse Farfetch’d?
Angel: Yeah…
Jared: It’s not them.
Angel: Phew. What is it then?
Jared: Well, one of the Growlithes kinda fell down the chimney into the stove…
Everyone quietly puts down their forks and moves away.
Angel: That’s it. I’m outta here. I’m going to bed.
Darren: Good idea. I’ll come with you. I mean...um…um…
Sylvia: Ew!
Darren leaves, looking very embarrassed.

Jared: Why has it been raining almost all week? The weather report said bright and sunny.
Hydro (looking at Crow): See? Even if I had checked it wouldn’t have made any difference.
Sylvia: Yeah. This is weird.
Crow: And why the Meowths and Growlithes?
Jared: And why the walls? And why everything else?
Hydro: Don’t ask me. It wasn’t my idea to come here.
Wall: Leave us out of this. It isn’t our fault.
Jared: Whose fault is it then?
Wall: The door’s.
Door: Hey!
Jared, Hydro, Sylvia and Crow bury their heads in their hands.
Ceiling: Be careful what you ask around the walls. You can’t shut them up.
Door: I know. Even though I can remember what a cute little wall this was when it was younger…
Wall: Leave me alone.

Crow: You know, I never realised how dull this place was with no a-mmphhphh.
Darren: Don’t say it. You’ll make me cry.

Catryn: Is it morning yet?
Logan: I don’t know. Is the sun coming through?
Catryn: It’s raining. It’s been raining for the past six days.
Logan: Any one got a watch?
Angel: Yep. It’s 3:15 PM.
Logan and Catryn: WHAT?!
Angel: You slept a long time.
Logan: So what’s everyone doing, and why are you in here anyway?
Angel: Well, Crow and Darren are playing snap, Sylvia’s still asleep. Jared looks half asleep, but him and Hydro are messing with Steven’s mind.
Catryn: Oh?
Angel: Yes, and doing a good job of it too. Messing with dreams is fun.
Catryn: He deserves it.
Angel: He’s dreaming about you by the way. That’s why it’s so much fun to mess around.
Catryn: Um…
She blushes.
Angel: You know it’s really boring around here with no alcohol.
Catryn: Any other narcotics hanging around?
Angel: I don’t think so.

Mercury: There isn’t, is there?
Letha: Probably not.
Mercury: Probably?!

Wall: Psst, over here!
Catryn: What do you want?
Wall: I know where there’s alcohol!
Catryn, Angel and Logan: WHAT?!
Wall: Come with me.

Hydro: oh no, not again.
Angel: Hey, get into the spirit of things.
Darren: Why didn’t we think about looking here before?
Hydro: Well who would have thought of finding alcohol in a bar?
Jared: The wall. Well, the sliding panel in the wall, to be exact. Thankyou.
Wall: Welcome.

Catryn and Logan have fallen asleep leaning against each other. Steven is glaring at them and every one else is drunk, except for Hydro.

Hydro: That’s it, I’m leaving.
All: Bye, Hydro.
Hydro leaves, muttering under his breath.

Wall: What’s the matter?
Hydro gives the wall a dirty look.
Hydro: Go away.
Wall: In a bit of a bad mood, are we?
Hydro: Yes.
Wall: Why?
Hydro: Because everyone’s drunk.
Wall: Apart from you?
Hydro: Yeah.

Mercury: Where did that come from?
Letha: Well, they were bored.
Mercury: Was that compassion or your own sadistic desire to see them all drunk?
Letha: Um…

Darren: Rain, rain, go away, don’t come back again…um…why is it still raining?
Jared: I’ve never heard of it raining a week straight.
Wall: like I said, once it rained for forty days a-
Jared: Don’t say it. I don’t want to know.

Sylvia: Oh, my head…
Angel: You OK?
Sylvia: What does it look like?
Angel: You just got run over by a train.
Sylvia: That’s how I feel.

Hydro: Look! It’s not raining any more!!!
He grabs a beer bottle.
Catryn: Wicked! We can go home!
She grabs a beer bottle.
Soon everyone is drunk apart from Steven and Crow, who never grabbed beer quickly enough.

Steven: I hate it when they’re drunk and we’re not.
Crow: Yeah. They act like total idiots.
Steven: You’re going to have a fun time getting those two home.
Crow (groans): Don’t I know it.

Suddenly the door bangs open.
Catryn: What on…
In walks Giovanni and Lance, dressed in gold skin-tight body suits.
Everyone screams or hides their heads under tables.

Giovanni: We are the transvestites from the planet Transsexual in the Galaxy Transylvania.

Logan: WHAT?!

Lance: You may call us TR2.

Hydro: Aren’t you cold?

Giovanni: That’s not the point. You must leave this house immediately as it is a secret spacecraft for our people.

Crow: Man, is this seriously screwed or what?

Giovanni: You must leave immediately. You will not be able to breathe out atmosphere. We have fixed the cars.

Steven: To hell with the car, let’s just get-Ow.
Wall: I still don’t like you.

They leave and all of a sudden the house starts to lift into the air.

Wall: Looks like the transvestites are blasting off again.

Everyone looks around, wondering whether to kill each other or walk away. They choose the second option.

Catryn: Well, I’m drunk.
Logan: Me too.
Jared: I’m drunker.
Catryn: Wanna bet?
Logan: Well, one of us has to drive.
Catryn: Not me.
Jared: Too drunk.
Logan: OK, dips in.
Catryn: Jared, get over here. See, there’s my dip.
Jared: Hey! Ok, I’ll drive. But if we crash, don’t blame me.

Sylvia: Steven, you’re driving.
Steven: Ok.

Sylvia and Darren: Oh, I do love to live beside the seaside,
Oh, I do love to live beside the sea…

*fades into distance*

Angel and Hydro: And I would walk 500 miles,
And then I’d walk 500 more
Crow: Shut up and stop leaning on me.
Angel: We’ll fall over.
Crow: This is the last time I go on a Pokémon hunt with you two.
Hydro: Aw, don’t you love us any mo*hic*?
Crow: I like you better when you’re sober.

The End…or is it?

Omastar: Well there you have it. The first episode of the Pokéhouse from Hell. But I must ask, where did the transvestites come from?

Letha: Wasn’t that your idea Mercury?
Mercury: No. I thought it was you…
Omastar: Don’t look at me.

Mercury, Letha, Omastar and Omastar: GODDISH!
Goddish: He he he…

The REAL End….