comment on MM blog

Not too long ago, a brother was visiting me and mentioned he was having a difficult time giving up masturbation. Knowing pornography to be a widespread problem, I included it in my counseling of him. When I brought up the topic, I could tell by his silence that this was something he was suffering from. I warned him that pornography was something that could destroy marriages (he's looking to get married in the near future inshaallah) and made the following suggestion: if he feels that he's going to watch pornography, he should masturbate instead. I know that many of the scholars, perhaps the majority, have stated that masturbation is forbidden. However, it seems clear to me that a person's addiction to pornography carries a lot more harm (not just to the viewer, but also the women involved in the industry) and risk to a person's future marriage. And here's the thing: if he watches a video, he's definitely going to masturbate anyway, whereas if he masturbates then he's much less likely to watch pornography. It's easy to say "why not avoid both?" but I'm not sure that's a realistic approach for someone who's already addicted to pornography. The ultimate goal is to stop both, but going cold turkey may not work for everyone.

Lastly, it's a good thing you spoke to your son about these topics. I remember that when I was 11-13 (so around your son's age) and attending a public middle school, my peers were already passing around pornography. And I'm afraid it only gets worse as you get older (high school, college). Parents need to discuss these issues with their children. If they don't, their kids are most certainly going to learn it from their peers or while exploring the internet, and you can bet neither of these sources are going to place things in an Islamic perspective. Have that awkward conversation now and save yourself and your kids a lot of heartache later.