4chan University - Chapter 3

>Be Seamus
>standing outside of Red Dorm with the Autistic Avengers
>suit guy at the door asks again
>"How many lives were lost in the holocaust"
>you're reminded of what the girl said
>"the password is none."
>you groan
"The answer you're looking for is 'none', correct?"
>he stares you down
>"you may pass. I'm Poe."
"You're a nazi"
>"cuck"
>College is such a wonderful place.
>You enter into the dorm and see that everyone is gathered in the common area.
>There's a bar with booze being handed out
>the small girl from before dances up to you
>"Hey! Music man. Come here."
>she drags you to the stereo before you can say no
>she stops the music and puts another CD in
>"Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?"
>She does that finger gun point thing again at the stereo
>what hath god wrought
"I'm going to need a beer before I can cope with this."
>you wander over to the bar
>There's a guy with a chef's hat passing out red cups
"You got PBR?"
>bartender stares you down
>"I have a homebrewed IPA with subtle notes of lemon and basil. I also have trashcan punch."
"You brought an IPA to a college party? Jesus, I thought I was pretentious."
>"Not Jesus, Chuck. You new here?"
"Seamus, and yeah just moved in today."
>you shake hands
>"Well, here, try the IPA."
>he hands you a glass and you take a sip
>It's like pine tar, with a splash of lemonade.
"Well, it's something."
>"come on back if you want anything else."
>you will probably not
>Chuck turns to another customer
>you walk to the center of the room to get your bearings
>Emily and Conrad are standing in the corner
>Emily is staring off into the distance
>you look where she's looking
>goddamn Medusa out of fuckin nowhere
>You can't decide whether to talk to her or call Perseus
>you walk over to them
"I didn't know you we're into tentacles, Emily"
>"I just want to hold her hand."
"What?"
>"Uh, I mean, ew, no hooves."
>Right
"So, Conrad, who all do you know here?"
>He looks around the room
>"besides us, there's Usagi and Lily"
>he points to two girls in high school uniforms sitting next to each other on the couch
>"Sarah and Brandon"
>a girl wearing a short skirt and tube top standing talking to a guy in a suit
>in there corner is a guy in a ghillie suit with a fake rifle
"Who's the guy in the full military gear"
>"That's Konner. I think he's in ROTC, which is weird because he only wears Rhodesian camo and pretends to speak broken english."
>God bless America
>you continue scanning the room
>The 80's new wave is tearing at your soul
>There's a door to a courtyard in the middle of the building
>you go through it hoping to get some air
>outside you find two people, one with a camera and one with a magnifying glass.
>the girl with the magnifying glass is crouched down looking at an ant mound
>the guy with the camera is taking artsy photos of her
"If you're trying to get rid of the ants, might I recommend pesticide?"
>she turns and looks at you through the glass
>"Why would I want to get rid of them? Ants are marvelous creatures."
"maybe because they're crawling up your skirt and I bet a bite there looks worse than herpes."
>she squeals and brushes the ants off her legs
>You look at the camera guy
"Were you planning on telling her?"
>"I wanted to capture the exact moment she felt that pain. And you took that from me."
>you stare
"I'm very sorry I took that sadistic opportunity away from you. Can I make it up to you by driving you to the nursing home so you can film old people die?"
>silence
>he takes your picture
>"I'm Patrick, this is Annabelle."
"Seamus."
>"First time here a Red Hall?"
"Yeah, it's a little much."
>"You'll get used to it. Even Keksandra grows on you."
"Keksandra?"
>"The child prodigy. She's getting her masters in cultural communication."
>you continue to stare, your mind slowly pieces the statement together.
"Is, is that a degree on memes?"
>"Yes. Yes it is. She teaches the into class."
>Kornheiser_why.png
"Is that why she's playing Huey Lewis and the News?"
>"Yeah she said some music major was supposed to come play some songs."
>fuck
"I guess I had better figure out what she wants me to play"
>you walk back in and see Keksandra holding an acoustic guitar
>"Mister Music! We got you a guitar! You gotta play for us now!!!"
>everyone stares at you
"You all seriously want me to play?"
>"Da comrade, the child speaks of your vast abilities."
>Everyone else nodded
>everyone except the two schoolgirls on the couch, they were making out
>Conrad was them watching intently
"Okay, I'll play a couple songs."
>you adjust the strings and strum a couple chords
"SO MUCH DRAMA IN LBC. IT'S KINDA HARD BEING SNOOP D-O-DOUBLE G" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur1N3UyT1lE)
>everyone cheers and sings along
>even Poe was nodding his head
>you finish the song give a bow