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- prose: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/245069/2/the-lyler-archive/lyler-and-the-flutterbat
- ---
- >You wake up in the dark of the night in the middle Ponyville.
- >Slowly you get to your feet and look around to get your bearings.
- >A shadow moves swiftly through the air.
- >Immediately you look around and guard yourself.
- >It looks like there is a forest about a mile to the west.
- >The shadow moves from rooftop to rooftop with blinding speed.
- >You slowly shuffle to the forest, refusing to turn your back to the flying beast.
- >It's stops on top of a house and stares down at you with red piercing eyes.
- >A shiver runs down your spine.
- >The forest is too far.
- >Looking around, you have to find a friend's house for refuge.
- >The creature leaps into the air and spreads it's massive wings in the light of the moon.
- >Massive bat wings.
- >On a mare's body.
- >She swoops down through the air and lands six feet in front of you.
- >The bright moonlight illuminates the features of the mare.
- >Long Pink hair
- >Yellow fur.
- >Butterflies on the butt.
- >Oh great.
- >Phew.
- >It's just Fluttershy.
- >Probably just looking for another fetish attempt.
- "Jeez Fluttershy. You really had me going there for a second."
- >She hisses at you loudly and you take a step backward.
- >You back slowly away from the beast in front of you.
- "Woah... uh.. are you okay girl?"
- >"I'm... soo.. hungry Anon."
- >She walks towards you and you quicken your pace.
- "Well maybe we can grab you some food... uh. Pinkie would probably open up Sugarcube for a snack if we asked... hehe."
- >"No Anon."
- >She continues to move forward towards you, licking her lips and eyes bearing down at you.
- >"I'm hungry... for you."
- >She leaps into the air towards you.
- >You jump to the side and take an all out sprint towards Lyra's house.
- >The yellow demon's wings flap loudly through the air behind you.
- >The door is just a few feet away.
- >Charging shoulder first, you smash the door open and close it behind you, hearing a loud thump slam into the door.
- >"Open the Doooor Anon..."
- "Fuck off," you yell back proudly.
- >"Pretty pleease Anon? I'll make it worth your whiile..." she coos back at you.
- "How about 'no'? Yeah, I'm going to go with 'No'."
- >You quickly barricade the door and run upstairs.
- "LYRA! LYRA!"
- >You open up the door to Lyra's room and find it empty.
- >Oh great.
- >Now what?
- >"AAAANNNEEEERRRRNNNNN!"
- >Instantly you are forced to the ground by the force of a 60lb retarded horse.
- "Lyler. Get off me. I have way bigger issues to deal with right now."
- >You groan at your rotten luck.
- "Where is your sister?"
- >"SHES SLEEPENG WIT BERNBERN!"
- "Ugh. Alright. Fine."
- >You don't have time for this bullshit.
- >Time Turner's place isn't too far from here.
- >If you sneak out the front...
- >THE SENSITIVE EARS!
- "Lyler. There is candy in Lyra's Bathroom cabinet."
- >"CANDY!"
- >With the speed of 10 kenyans, Lyra speeds off to the bathroom.
- >You tip toe downstairs to avoid any distractions from Lyler.
- >Edging your way to the back door, you turn the handle slowly, then slam it with all your might.
- >A loud hiss rings out from the front and you sprint to the front door, hoping for a successful distraction.
- >Running out the front door, you see the yellow beast fly to the backyard.
- >YES!
- >Time Turner's place is right-OOMPH
- >"DAT WASNT CANDY. IT WAS BIRF CUNTROL."
- >"MAMA'S COMING ANON!"
- "FUCK!"
- >You try to push Lyler off of you, but she punches you in the nose and you begin to bleed.
- "LET ME GO!"
- >"SEY SURRY!"
- "IM SORRY JESUS CHRIST GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"
- >"alright ok."
- >She gets off of you and you run into the house and slam the door behind you.
- >"DAT WUZ CLOZ"
- "What? how?"
- >How do retards even work?
- >You run upstairs and kick open Time Turner's bedroom door.
- "Turner I need a -OH GOD!"
- >Time Turner and Derpy Look at you in shock as she is pegging him.
- >"Uh. One minute please." he replies to you.
- >You step outside and just about vomit.
- >He comes out into the hall.
- >"What do you need."
- "Flashlight."
- >"Kitchen. Second drawer on the right."
- "Thanks. uh. go back to... that."
- >"Will do."
- >You head downstairs and Lyler is sniffing the door handle.
- >After staring at her for a moment, you shake your head and head into the kitchen, where there appears to be the remains of a romantic dinner.
- >You find the drawer and grab the flashlight.
- >> Recommended: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg3sWXJb98A
- >You go to raise your hands due to the item you've just found.
- >However, you forgot that pony houses are small.
- >You smash your hands right through the ceiling.
- >Shit.
- >Well now maybe you can disorient Flutterbat.
- >However, this does not mean you can defeat her in Mortal Kombat(tm).
- >You must secure a weapon.
- >Heading back into the living room, Lyler is hitting the door with her face in response to each knock that Flutterbat makes.
- "Lyler."
- >"MY FACE FEELS FUNNY!"
- "Stop."
- >"NO U"
- >She hits it even harder and falls over.
- >Well, that solved that.
- >Suddenly the answer is directly in front of you.
- >You have the strongest weapon of all.
- >The power of the retard.
- >Lyler the Vampony Smasher.
- >Grabbing her back hooves, she instantly straightens out like a massive baseball bat.
- >No.
- >Like a MIGHTY WARHAMMER.
- >+10 ATTACK.
- >Before you open up the door, you give yourself a pep talk.
- >One that boosts your confidence and raises your spirits.
- >You remember the words of your great brother Swift_M0nkey.
- >"Don't Die."
- >Busting through the door, you prepare for your epic war cry, but Lyler beats you to the cut.
- > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBhxIyT8Slg#t=23
- >A loud hiss fills the air.
- >>Recommended Listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGUEhj58FOk
- >The Flutterbat lands in front of you and charges.
- >You swing your retard back and prepare for a hard strike on the vampire.
- >Her sharp teeth are bared and her eyes glisten with bloodlust.
- >Swinging the retard with all your might you make a direct hit on the bat.
- >"WHEEEEEEE" screams Lyler.
- >Flutterbat swoops into the air and aims to come at you head on.
- "Alright. I want you to headbutt her Lyler."
- >"OKAAAAY"
- >You swing the mint green pony around in the air like a lasso and toss her at the yellow winged menace.
- >She spins around in the air and lines her ass up with Fluttershy's face.
- >Before the red eyed batpony can stop her head is forced into Lyler's butt.
- >"AMAZING WIN!"
- >The ponycentipede falls to the ground and it's yellow half squirms in pain.
- >Lyler simply smiles.
- >You walk up to her with disappointment.
- "I wanted you to knock her unconscious, not scar her for life."
- >"CAN I SUCK YOUR PEEPEE?"
- >You stare at her for another moment.
- "You know. Nevermind. I'm going home."
- >Marching home, you watch the slowly arise on the horizon.
- >And so once again, the day has been saved. All thanks to
- >Fucking Lyler.
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