Want more features on Pastebin? Sign Up, it's FREE!
Guest

Morrowind: /b/-edition

By: a guest on Jul 22nd, 2014  |  syntax: None  |  size: 8.45 KB  |  views: 445  |  expires: Never
download  |  raw  |  embed  |  report abuse  |  print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)
  1. The following excerpts from the Elder Scrolls are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a casuel would take anything written here as fact.
  2.  
  3. ---
  4.  
  5. Original post by Anonymous:
  6.  
  7. >be me
  8. >be last month, in imperial city, at a bar
  9. >pound back three bottles of cyrodiilic brandy
  10. >snort a fat line of moon sugar
  11. >feelsgoodman.png
  12. >see an imperial grill at other end of the bar
  13. >8/10 qt3.14, nice rack, tight ass
  14. >usually a bit of a secunda, but wasted enough to masser the fuck up
  15. >head over and tip my colovian fur helm
  16. >"gosh, anon, i like your hat"
  17. >fuckyes.jpg
  18. >"m'lady, if you entertain the sight of this hat, i might only think you would lust after my /other/ hat"
  19. >she sheds a single tear at my astounding poise and wit
  20. >take her upstairs to my room
  21. >we banged ok
  22. >get woken up the next morning
  23. >six imperial legionnaires in my room, one looks like a general or something
  24. >grill nowhere to be seen
  25. >"you're coming with us," says the general
  26. >super fucking confused, and have a raging hangover
  27. >"why, what'd i do?"
  28. >"you raped my daughter"
  29. >ofck
  30. >fucking feminist bitch probably regretted it the morning after
  31. >no idea what to say, so i just kind of stare at him
  32.  
  33. might post more if you s'witlords are interested
  34.  
  35. ---
  36.  
  37. Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
  38.  
  39. seems like this might be good, OP, continue
  40.  
  41. ---
  42.  
  43. Posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
  44.  
  45. >tip my colovian fur helm
  46.  
  47. holy shit op is a fargoth
  48.  
  49. >you raped my daughter
  50.  
  51. top fucking kek, might watch this thread
  52.  
  53. ---
  54.  
  55. Quoting previous post, posted by DibellaSparkles!nkxIlgfza:
  56.  
  57. >thinking rape is funny
  58. >3E426+1
  59.  
  60. i mean i guess it's par for the course for a fucking daedra
  61.  
  62. and you sound like scum, op
  63.  
  64. ---
  65.  
  66. Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
  67.  
  68. MOAR OP PLZ!!11!1eleven!!!
  69.  
  70. ---
  71.  
  72. The next several posts are a back-and-forth exchange of low-quality snark and bait between namefargoths M0lagBallin and DibellaSparkles.
  73.  
  74. His pathetic attempts at alpha-ness and her desperate attention-whoring are both painfully obvious.
  75.  
  76. ---
  77.  
  78. Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
  79.  
  80. for fuck's sake you two should get a room and let op finish
  81.  
  82. also dibella tits or gtfo, you know the rules
  83.  
  84. ---
  85.  
  86. Posted by Anonymous:
  87.  
  88. [[The attached picture is a crudely-shopped reaction image of Orvas Dren laughing, with a glass of liquor in hand]]
  89.  
  90. k, i'll post the rest
  91.  
  92. >imperial general clubs me over the head
  93. >wake up in a prison carriage next to a fucking catboy
  94. >also some dunmer thug with one eye
  95. >still hungover and feeling the need for some moon sugar
  96. >don't even have my colovian fur helm
  97. >feelsbadman.jpg
  98. >look at the thug and ask him where the fuck we are
  99. >"in a carriage, heading for morrowind."
  100. >"why in oblivion are we going to morrowind"
  101. >"fuck if i know, mer, i just beat up some kid for his sweetroll"
  102. >awkward silence the rest of the way until we board a ship
  103. >i'm exhausted so i pass the fuck out
  104. >have some weird ass hallucination dream with a fucking cliff racer in it
  105. >some bitch is saying i'm chosen
  106. >wake up since sweetroll-thug is shaking me
  107. >"wake up, you were dreaming. what's your name?"
  108. >tell him my fucking name, since why try at this point
  109. >this s'witlord starts laughing
  110. >"what kind of name is 'Nerrvurrin'?"
  111. >a little pissed, ask him what his name is
  112. >"Ice Jiub."
  113. >mfw
  114.  
  115. ---
  116.  
  117. Posted by SwagDaddySheo!97dsbnagna:
  118.  
  119. >ice-jiub
  120.  
  121. fucking 10/10
  122.  
  123. ---
  124.  
  125. Quoting previous post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
  126.  
  127. sure is summer in this thread
  128.  
  129. ---
  130.  
  131. Also quoting SwagDaddySheo's post, posted by NocturnalGoddess!sbabzzgjsf:
  132.  
  133. seriously, you're the cancer that is killing these scrolls
  134.  
  135. ---
  136.  
  137. Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
  138.  
  139. MOAR OP PLZ MY EYES ARE LITERALLY BLEEDING HERE
  140.  
  141. ---
  142.  
  143. Posted by Anonymous:
  144.  
  145. [[The attached picture is an image of a Senche-Tiger with its snout covered in white powder, captioned "KHAJIIT FUCKING LOVES THE SUGAR"]]
  146.  
  147. >anyway, end up in this backwater town called Seyda Neen
  148. >have to explain to like six different retards that i'm actually a dunmer and do in fact have a penis
  149. >some seventy year old pedophile even wants to know my birthsign
  150. >tell him it's the serpent just to make him shut up
  151. >these s'witlords release me for some fucking reason and tell me to deliver a package
  152. >actually meet some fargoth named Fargoth, who acts exactly like a stereotypical fargoth
  153. >i can't even make this shit up
  154. >hop on the silt strider to get to civilization as quickly as possible
  155. >end up in a city called Balmora, where the package recipient lives
  156. >show up at his place
  157. >mfw it's a shirtless, balding skooma-addict
  158. >mfw there's moon sugar
  159. >i knock this guy out then snort three fat lines
  160. >wait for him to wake up, dump the package on him
  161. >he's pretty pissed but gives me a bunch of gold and says i'm a blade
  162. >"what the fuck is a blade"
  163. >he explains that i'm now the emperor's secret agent
  164. >don't bother to tell him i was thrown in jail for rape
  165.  
  166. i was honestly too high for the next couple of weeks to remember much beyond talking to a bunch of boring people and stabbing a few fetchers in a dwemer ruin
  167.  
  168. ---
  169.  
  170. Posted by Anonymous:
  171.  
  172. [[The attached picture is an image of a very stoned-looking dunmer male]]
  173.  
  174. >wake up in a monastery
  175. >7/10 qt priest grill is telling me i'm some kind of chosen one
  176. >lol whatever, k
  177. >ask her if she wants to see my chosen one
  178. >she's totally into it
  179. >we banged ok
  180. >didn't even need a colovian fur helm this time
  181. >think to myself that all morrowind grills must be sloots
  182. >i skip town before she wakes up and head to vivec city to find more moon sugar and bitches
  183. >get really really trashed
  184. >end up staggering into some palace with this catboy thief
  185. >some twink is floating around inside
  186. >looks surprised that we got past the lock
  187. >catboy passes out
  188. >i take his skooma and offer some to the floating ladyboytwinkthing
  189. >it declines me
  190. >think to myself that this is too fucking surreal
  191. >might be a dream
  192. >don't wake up
  193. >oshit, lucid dreaming tho
  194. >i imagine some more moon sugar into existence and snort it
  195. >ask the twinkgirlboi if it wants to have sex because, hey, why not?
  196. >it declines me again
  197. >it tells me to gtfo before it throws me out
  198. >masser the fuck up because this is my dream you s'witlord
  199. >imagine the twink to death
  200. >it's dead
  201. >decide to loot the place, only find some gauntlet and a bunch of weird papers
  202. >papers talk about some 'dagoth ur' fargoth
  203. >papers talk about how vivec plans to kill him
  204. >mfw i just imagined some god-twink to death
  205. >remember it's just a fucked up dream
  206.  
  207. ---
  208.  
  209. Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
  210.  
  211. OP PLS I NEED MOAR NOW PL-
  212.  
  213. sfa;kgq3ghasgajSGADGHASGGAGAG
  214.  
  215. ---
  216.  
  217. Quoting the above post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
  218.  
  219. rofl he's blind
  220.  
  221. STAY #REKT MOTHFARGOTH
  222.  
  223. also,
  224.  
  225. >the floating ladyboytwinkthing
  226.  
  227. i fucked his ass once, it was 3/10
  228.  
  229. ---
  230.  
  231. Quoting the above post, posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
  232.  
  233. pics plz
  234.  
  235. ---
  236.  
  237. The next several posts form an image dump of frames from a Molag Bal/Vivec sex tape.
  238.  
  239. ---
  240.  
  241. Posted by Anonymous:
  242.  
  243. i fapped, but anyway
  244.  
  245. >read the documents and stuff, imagine that the twink was just jealous of this dagoth ur thing
  246. >probably a hot trap
  247. >head to red mountain and walk downstairs into this dwemer complex
  248. >some dude in a gold mask is hanging out with some creepy old ash guys
  249. >there's a weird heart-thing in a giant fake person
  250. >one of these ash dudes has a shortsword, the other has a hammer
  251. >they all give me the rapeface
  252. >nope.jpg
  253. >imagine them all to death too
  254. >snort some fat lines of the moon sugar
  255. >pretty fucking high at this point
  256. >decide that it's a good idea to use the heart as a bongo and the sword and hammer as drumsticks
  257. >bang around on it for a while
  258. >suddenly it explodes
  259. >whatthefuck.png
  260. >giant fake person falls into the lava below
  261. >realize that my hands are charred to the bone for some reason
  262. >whatever, imagine that they're fine
  263. >they're fine
  264. >wandered around morrowind for a while until i found a scroll
  265. >took me a while to figure out the jargon
  266. >saw you s'witlords shitposting
  267. >decided to post as well
  268.  
  269. so yeah, that's it.
  270.  
  271. ---
  272.  
  273. Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
  274.  
  275. 8/10 story OP. you seem like a pretty cool dude.
  276.  
  277. should come hang out with me in Akavir and bang qt3.14 snake grills.
  278.  
  279. ---
  280.  
  281. Quoting the above post, posted by Anonymous:
  282.  
  283. cool, I'll imagine i'm there, just give me a sec.
  284.  
  285. ---
  286.  
  287. Subsequent image posts in the thread are of Sanguine, in the form of a Dremora, and a Dunmer male. They all involve obscene amounts of drugs and sexay-fein Tsaesci women. One is captioned, "u mirin n'wah?"
clone this paste RAW Paste Data