Canada Day with CanadAnon

>Canada Day in Equestria
>You jump out of bed with a bounce in your feet, ready to celebrate.
>Shit, shower, focus on growing your beard.
>It grows a couple inches, and now tickles your bare stomach.
>You grate some cheese off your abs, making sure not to get any beard hair in it as you do so, and cook yourself a quick omelette.
>Shoveling down your breakfast, you head over to your front closet and pull out the outfit you planned for the day.
>First is your normal lumberjacket, except the normal black plaid blocks have been replaced with white.
>Your pants are similar, two red stripes and a white stripe filled with red maple leaves in the middle.
>Lastly is your Canadian flag cape.
>Yes, you’re wearing a cape.
>You made it yourself, from the finest silk you could get your hands on.
>Grabbing a couple of hand axes and attaching them to your waist, you begin to make your way into Ponyville.
>The weather is wonderful; you had asked Rainbow Dash specifically if she could make it sunny and windy for the greatest day of the year.
>You reach Twilight’s tree, and knock on the door.
>Spike opens the door, and you give him a big smile.
“Happy Canada Day, Spike!”
>Spike looks at you, a confused expression on his face.
>“Huh? What’s Canada Day?”
>You gasp and lunge forward, grabbing Spike and tucking him under your arm.
>You barge into the house, looking for Twilight.
“Twilight! Where are you?!”
>“Anon? One second!”
>A brief moment of silence, and then you see Twilight appear at the top of the stairs.
>“Anon, what are you doing with Spike? And what is with that outfit?”
>You drop Spike and stare at Twilight, your mouth hanging open.
>“Hey!”
>Ignoring Spike’s protest, you pull yourself together.
“Didn’t… didn’t I tell you? It’s Canada Day!”
>Twilight raises an eyebrow and begins to make her way downstairs.
>“Canada Day? That’s the first time I’ve heard of it. Is it some kind of celebration where you’re from?”
>You nod and sit on the ground, stroking your beard.
>You were sure you had told her.
>You were sure you had told everyone; Pinkie had even said she was going to throw a party for it!
>Twilight sits down in front of you, a concerned look in her eyes.
>“Anon, are you ok? You don’t look so good.”
“Er, don’t worry. I just need some air, ya know?”
>You stand back up, and head outside.
>The sight that awaits you nearly knocks you off your feet.
>A massive storm has rolled in; unnaturally fast even for your pegasus buddies.
>No one remembers Canada Day… freak weather…
>There’s only one explanation.
>Americans.

>You pull out your axes, holding one in each hand.
>Growling, you begin to look around.
>“Anon, what did I tell you about carrying axes around Ponyville?!”
>You ignore Twilight as you spot it.
>In the distance, a tower has been erected.
>At the top flapping in the gusts of wind is your old nemesis, the ol’ red white and blue.
>Two colours just weren’t enough for those greedy bastards.
>You let loose a roar, not noticing Twilight’s yelp as she falls back.
>You sprint towards the tower, your feet leaving imprints in the ground as you push yourself harder and harder.
>Exiting Ponyville, you enter Apple Orchards.
>The tower seems to be near the middle of it.
>You weave around the trees, narrowly missing them as you reach even faster speeds.
>A cluster of trees appears in front of you, blocking your path.
>Unleashing another roar, you leap forward and swing your arms.
>The trees part before your mighty axes' cleave and you land with a roll.
>The tower looms in front of you, a fortress of stone.
>Applejack and Big Mac are standing in front of it, staring at you.
>“Anon, what in tarnation did you just do to my trees?!”
>You walk up to her, axes still in hand.
“Sorry, Applejack. I’ll help you out on the farm to make up for it, I promise. Right now, I need you to tell me what you know about this tower.”
>Applejack frowns at you, but she nods, turning back to the tower.
>“I don’t know much. When I woke up this morning, it was just here. But what’s weird is I thought I saw another human like you, up at the top of the tower. But that's impossible, aint it?”
>You nod at her, and look up at the balcony of the tower.
“Applejack, Big Mac. I want you two to head back to the farm, eh? Things may get ugly here.”
>Big Mac nods, but Applejack shakes her head, stepping in front of you and staring you in the eye.
>“Anon, this is our orchard! We’re going to help you, like it or not!”
>You stare at her for a moment then look at Big Mac.
>You nod at him, and he nods back.
>Before Applejack can react, Big Mac shoves his head under her and throws her onto his back, walking away through the orchard.
>Applejack swears her head off at him, but he ignores her.
>You walk around the tower’s base, but there’s no entrance.
>You sigh, and walk back, looking up.
>There’s a small balcony.
>You take a deep breath.
“CANAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
>You yell as loud as you can, your chest reverberating from the effort.
>The trees sway back at the force of your lungs.
>Thousands of miles away, a baby pony is born with a full beard from the sheer testosterone unleashed from your body.
>As does the mother.
>A moment passes, the birds and animals silenced.
>Then he comes out.
>You gasp.
>Not him.
>You killed him yourself!
>“We meet again, Anon!”
“NIXON!”
>Jowls blowing in the wind, suit pressed into perfect condition, is in fact, President Nixon.
>“Yes, Anon! Nixon’s back baby, and he’s got himself a shiny new tower!”
“What are you doing here, Nixon? What have you done to my friends?!”
>Nixon laughs, an evil grin plastered on his face.
>“Why, it’s a few days before Independence Day! We’ve gotta start the celebration early, or else the commies win!”
“But it’s Canada Day today! You can wait your damned turn, you crook!”
>Nixon laughs even harder, and spits off the end of the tower.
>You step back and watch it land where you just stood.
>“I am not a crook! Now why don’t you just wait down there? Not even your great strength can stop me now!”
>You grit your teeth, but you can’t keep your cool.
>You pull back and throw one of your axes up at Nixon, watching as it breaks the sound barrier and rocks the tower.
>Nixon yelps and jumps back, narrowly dodging the axe as it cleaves right through the platform and continues into the sky.
>It soon disappears from sight.
>You roar as Nixon runs back into the tower, lifting your second axe above your head with both arms.
>You feel the strength of Canada fill your body; your beard grows longer, stroking the ground tenderly.
>Your muscles bulk up and you feel the strength of a thousand moose flow through you.
>Pushing down, you lunge into the air, clearing the top of the tower with ease.
>Gravity soon takes its course, and you add its strength to your own, swinging the axe down with all the force of the frozen tundra.
>The axe breaks the stone, and you cleave the tower in two.
>The twin halves of the tower crumble, and you hear a scream as Nixon falls with it.
>You land, creating a small crater in the ground.
>You brush the dirt off your flag-cape, and walk towards to the rubble.
>Nixon lies broken atop it.
>You pick up some of the rocks, and give him a small burial.
>Every man, even Nixon, deserves a proper grave.
>By the time you finish, Applejack bursts through the trees, her eyes wild.
>“Anon, are you ok?! What happened to the tower? Aren’t we late for Pinkie’s Canada Day party?”
>You smile at her, and pat her on back.
“Don’t worry, AJ. It’s all taken care of. Everything’s been wrapped up nicely.”
>“But, how did I lose my memories? Did I just forget, or what? It feels like some details are missing here, don't you think?”
>You stick out your hand, catching your second axe as it finally descends from its journey.
“Everything’s wrapped up nicely, AJ.”
>AJ looks at the axe, the blade roughly the size of her torso.
>She gulps, and nods.
>“Yeah, sure thing Anon. So uh. Should we get going?”
>You nod, and the two of you make your way to Pinkie’s party.
>Today was a Canada Day.