* Jacob_Brandt is walking near the edge of the forest, which he knows is frequented by recent runaways and homeless people. He is looking to make a few decorations for "halloween."
* Jacob_Brandt supposes he is also a bit peckish
<Charlie_Capulet> The first thing that Jacob notices as he patrols the outskirts of the wood would be the sickening aroma of alcohol that penetrates his senses in a manner quite unlike a particularly large dildo through a cardboard box. A few meters in the distance, one [1] Captain Charlie Capulet the Chamberlain[needs citation] could be seen strolling through the woods, oblivious to his impending demise at the hands of Jacob.
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2 for stealth
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 for stealth [ 1d20=1 ]{3}
* Jacob_Brandt does not feel like being stealthy.
<Charlie_Capulet> Ironically enough, as you attempt to hide behind something, probably a tree, you end up somehow knocking the seemingly-stable tree down as soon as you so much as touch it. It topples to the ground, and crashing into the dirt with a loud noise, alerting the hobo to your position.
<Charlie_Capulet> Congratulations, you stealthed so bad, that you reverse-stealthed.
<Jacob_Brandt> "Oops, sorry if I disturbed you! Just taking a late-night walk."
<Charlie_Capulet> The hobo looks you over suspiciously, as if trying to ascertain the truth of your statement.
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20-1 for deception
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20-1 for deception [ 1d20=3 ]{2}
<Charlie_Capulet> He gives you a sort of 'Really?' look. He then proceeds to brandish the broken bottle of alcohol he had been carrying at his side, like all hobos do. "So, what is it yer' really here for, boy?"
* Jacob_Brandt grins
<Jacob_Brandt> "I am sure you already know what these chains are for."
* Jacob_Brandt decaptologues his hooked chains
<Charlie_Capulet> "Them's fightin' words." He sneers, and begins to advance towards Jacob, weapon at the ready.
<Charlie_Capulet> Strife, begin.
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20 [ 1d20=1 ]{1}
<Charlie_Capulet> roll 1d20-1
<`DM> Charlie_Capulet rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=15 ]{14}
<Charlie_Capulet> The drunken hobo growls something unintelligible at you. you think it was supposed to be intimidating... Or something?
<Charlie_Capulet> .Roll for insight.
<Charlie_Capulet> roll 1d20-1
<`DM> Charlie_Capulet rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=15 ]{14}
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=16 ]{18}
<Charlie_Capulet> The hobo frowns when he sees that his intimidation had next to no effect on you, but continues to advance nonetheless, he swipes at you with the broken bottle.
<Charlie_Capulet> roll 1d20-2
<`DM> Charlie_Capulet rolled 1d20-2 [ 1d20=18 ]{16}
<Charlie_Capulet> roll 1d4-1 for damage
<`DM> Charlie_Capulet rolled 1d4-1 for damage [ 1d4=2 ]{1}
<Charlie_Capulet> The hobo, in his drunken state, isn't able to put too much power behind the swing, and only ends up grazing your shoulder.
<Charlie_Capulet> End turn.
* Jacob_Brandt currently has 11 health now
* Charlie_Capulet currently has [] health now
* Jacob_Brandt attempts to swing his hooked chain at the hobo to stun him.
<Charlie_Capulet> .Roll to hit
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+3
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+3 [ 1d20=1 ]{4}
<Charlie_Capulet> The attack misses outright, hitting the ground some three feet from the hobo, he lets out a heart guffaw at your horrible aiming.
<Charlie_Capulet> The hobo brandishes his bottle drunkenly at you, in yet another misguided attempt to intimidate.
<Charlie_Capulet> roll 1d20-1
<`DM> Charlie_Capulet rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=15 ]{14}
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=20 ]{22}
<Charlie_Capulet> pff
<Charlie_Capulet> The hobo is impressed by your lack of so much as a flinching, and is intimidated himself by your stoic attitude.
* Jacob_Brandt attacks with his fishhook
<Charlie_Capulet> .roll to attack.
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=20 ]{22}
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d8+3
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d8+3 [ 1d8=6 ]{9}
<Charlie_Capulet> The fish-hook collides with his head, barring the logistics of having a bit of metal stuck through your skull, the force of impact from the blow alone was enough to knock him unconscious, the hook just finished the poor guy off.
* Jacob_Brandt reels Charlie Chaplin in
* Charlie_Capulet Is not sure they want to see what happens now.
* Jacob_Brandt rips the hooks out of the Hobo's head
<Charlie_Capulet> The deceased hobo's body lies there unresponsively as you indiscriminately desecrate his corpse.
<Jacob_Brandt> "That was more work then expected, not to get what I came here for."
* Jacob_Brandt uses four of the fishhooks to open the dead man's eyelids
<Charlie_Capulet> You took a single point of damage, and then proceeded to bash his skull in with a fishing hook. What are you complaining about?
<Charlie_Capulet> :P
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2 for perception to see if there are any spoons on the ground.
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 for perception to see if there are any spoons on the ground. [ 1d20=5 ]{7}
* Jacob_Brandt cannot see any spoons, so he prepares to use his fingers instead.
<Charlie_Capulet> .roll for strength to pull out the eyeballs. you monster.
<Jacob_Brandt> 1d20?
<Charlie_Capulet> .1d20+Str
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+3
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+3 [ 1d20=5 ]{8}
<Charlie_Capulet> Generally speaking, eyeballs aren't particularly sturdy things anyhow. You succeed in... God whatever the hell you're doing with those things, with a bit of trouble.
* Jacob_Brandt then precedes by snapping the victim's neck, using the brocken alcohol bottle to cut the skin and muscle around the neck
<Charlie_Capulet> 0_0
* Jacob_Brandt takes the head and separated eyeballs and puts them in his Puzzle modus, Then starts working on the body.
* Charlie_Capulet Jacob. you really need to work on your people skills
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2 to see if the hobo is attractive, bodywise
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 to see if the hobo is attractive, bodywise [ 1d20=6 ]{8}
* Jacob_Brandt finds him slightly unattractive, nothing compared to how Tricky was.
* Jacob_Brandt tears the two arms off, then breaks off each hand.
* Jacob_Brandt stores the hands and Arms in seperate cards, then captulogoues the rest of the body for proper disposal.
* Jacob_Brandt makes sure he puts everything of his back in his inventory before leaving, his stomach is starting to rumble.
<Charlie_Capulet> Jacob: Eat his hands.
* Strategist14 is now known as Lyra_Bel
* Jacob_Brandt does not eat his hand, he plans on eating the arm meat once it is properly deboned.
* Jacob_Brandt plans on preserving the hands to make some decorations with, you never know when you need a spare set of hands.
<Charlie_Capulet> Jacob: Revel in the 13-year-old-hilariousness of the phrase "deboned"
<Charlie_Capulet> word, not phrase
* Jacob_Brandt has to admit that he has been having a bit of sexual frustration lately, but decides Charlie was too ugly to even think that way about him.
<Charlie_Capulet> Jacob: Disregard your earlier statement, eat the hands, your tummy has the rumblies that only hands can satisfy.
* Jacob_Brandt goes home to make Hand Stew, using the bones as broth.
<Charlie_Capulet> .roll for cooking hand stew
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=8 ]{10}
* Jacob_Brandt knew the arms would taste better, now to remove the bones from the broth.
* Jacob_Brandt putts hand bones back into inventory
* Jacob_Brandt gets a birdie
<Charlie_Capulet> Jake: What are you doing.
* Jacob_Brandt is playing Miniature Golf with bones at the moment, so he is too busy to respond.
<Charlie_Capulet> .roll for bone glof
<Charlie_Capulet> golf
<Jacob_Brandt> roll 1d20+2
<`DM> Jacob_Brandt rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=4 ]{6}
<Letaali> ((each hole goes 10 over the par))
* Jacob_Brandt has fun anyways
<Charlie_Capulet> The omniscient narrator shakes his head in disgust.
<Jacob_Brandt> ***So with a Doot Doot, Jake puts the bones back into the inventory, along with the spare soup and uncooked meat.***