I have been with my SO for 2.5 years now. Edit: He is 29, I am 25.

Throwaway for this one because my SO knows my reddit username.. he doesn't look at reddit himself though, just my username page with my posts listed from time to time so he wont see this post here. And while I would never want to hide anything from him, hopefully you'll see why I have made an exception for this (he doesn't need this weight on his shoulders/be dragged into my shit to sum it up).

Around two months ago he approached me and told me he was uncomfortable with how much affection and love I showed him.

Examples he gave me were:

    Notes in his lunch box

    Telling him "how wonderful" (and similar.. "handsome", "amazing") he was.

    Smiling too often, especially at him and in an a too affectionate way

    Acting overly happy when doing things for him

    Telling him I love him without him saying it first

He gave me those specific examples and also said 'And all the things you do like that'. The general tone of 'love'ness in all my interactions with him.

I asked him to clarify whether I was being too clingy towards him. I didn't think I was, but that's not for me to decide. However, he reassured me that he didn't feel clinged on to at all and the issue wasn't clingyness. He also revealed to me during this conversation that at this point in the relationship, he wanted me to know that he was seriously considering marriage to me ( !! :D ) if this changed, and this wasn't about not wanting me, or wanting to distance himself from me. He would be more pleased with our relationship if I changed this. He then told me that he couldn't actually explain why he felt like this, just that he felt overwhelmed at 'all the love' and that's the way it was, and I needed to change it.

So of course I apologised and told him I would change it, and I did. I have made sure that there has been a change over the last two months.

    No 'soppy' notes in his lunch. Unless there is a reminder he has specifically asked me to give him (he asks for reminders because he gets very busy at work), in which case I will still add an affectionate message to the practical message. (i.e "A reminder for you to go to [Bobs] tonight at 6 after work to fix the tractor! I love you!" things along those lines)

    No more gushing about him.

    Curbing the grins/happiness

    I do not tell him I love him first unless he says it to me (or unless it's at the end of one of his notes)

And of course many little things in my usual daily interactions with him that I have kept 'in check' of constantly.

Two weeks ago (round abouts) I asked him for feedback on the changes, and he said he was very happy with the changes and even more pleased with me, and was very happy with our interactions in regards to this issue now. He said he was okay with the affectionate ends to the practical messages in his lunch too, and that I could continue that if I wanted. Obviously I was very pleased about all of that and that he was happier with me.

However now I have a personal 'me' problem that I would like to figure out, and fix myself. I am feeling pretty awful in myself. I adore this man and am utterly devoted. Of course I am pleased that he is pleased, and that is my priority, but this bad feeling currently feels uncontrollable and I want to make it controllable in myself. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode with love at the smallest things he does with me/for me, and have felt that way for a long time. I know this is why previously I was showing too much of that 'love'.

Now that I know I shouldn't show it, I feel it all being so pent up inside. I feel "stifled" by my need to show this love and appreciation, but not showing it. It's gotten so bad that while I can hold on to my feelings when my SO is around, after he goes to work I just sit and cry. I just let it all out for a while, but it doesn't feel much better. Sometimes I cry at night in the bathroom, I make sure he's asleep first. I just feel so, so bad in myself?

Of course, if it were up to me, I would be able to leave him some notes. Being able to gush about him some times, say he is wonderful... just tell him I love him without him telling me first, sometimes. Obviously it isn't up to me though, and he has already told me that my current behaviour is the pleasing behaviour.

I don't want to drag him into my feelings about this, obviously. But ladies, I feel so awful. I want to stop feeling so bad and pent up, and I can't figure out how to do it. I feel that if I dont get a grip on this, it'll get worse and worse and drive me crazy.

Have any of you got any ideas on how to handle myself right now, obviously without dragging my SO into my shit when he is so pleased with how I am behaving right now?

I don't even understand how I got this bad with him. I'm not a loving person to everyone, and never have been! I've been told I am too cold to people most of my life, without meaning to.. then he comes along, and it all changes and all of a sudden I'm a love bug!

Please help me feel better, I can't stand this pent up feeling much longer. I need to change it.