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- >"You are such a good FRIEND. It sure is nice to have a FRIEND like you. Do you want to be knighted in my court of FRIENDship?"
- >It seemed like a good idea at the time.
- >You had a cool name for yourself.
- >Sir Anonymous.
- >Rolls off the tongue quite well, doesn't it? Quite nice.
- >You got a cool patch with a crest of Purple Smart to go on your suit.
- >However, you do remember something that Twilight did say.
- >"Beware though, once you are knighted, you will have bad luck with relationships."
- >Something along the lines of that.
- >Anyways! First thing on your list is to get some pony ass with your cool title.
- >Marshmallow pone?
- >Fuck it, we're doing it unprepared.
- >You open the door to Rara's boutique.
- >It's prissy. So goddamn prissy, but you're doing this for that sweet marshmallow ass.
- >"Anonymous! I, er, mean, Sir Anonymous!"
- "You know you can still call me Anon."
- >"Anonymous! What are you doing here? I don't think you ordered any new suits."
- >She's as cute as her marshmallow ass.
- >You straighten yourself up and start speaking.
- "My dear Rarity, I am here to invite you to a dinner at my place tonight."
- >You bring out a rose and give it to her.
- >It's a standard rose; nothing too special about it.
- >"I would absolutely love to go have dinner at your place, Anonymous!"
- >She's happy. We did it team.
- >You walk out the door and promptly cheered yourself for not sperging yourself out yet.
- >You are ecstatic.
- >No, you are in hysterics over finally getting someone--er, somepony invited to your place.
- >You are quite bounding around in your special house up in Canterlot.
- >It's fully furnished and has a stocked pantry full of ingredients.
- >Celestia gave it to you when you went 2 weeks without a job and home.
- >She's such a nice Princess.
- >What you would do to get to mooch off of her and Luna.
- >Anyways, you lost track of time.
- >You must prepare the dinner for Rarity in about an hour.
- >It's spaghetti. You love spaghetti.
- >You enter the kitchen and think of what to do.
- >Spaghetti sauce, Anonymous, the spaghetti sauce!
- >First step: Tomato Sauce.
- >You brought out a pan and turned up the flame.
- >The pan starts to heat up, and the warmth of the flame reaches you.
- >You bring out a pack of tomato sauce and dump the fucker's contents right on the pan.
- >The sweet sound of the tomato sauce making contact with the pan fills your ears with their delight.
- >while the tomato sauce is heating up, you figure out the next step to making some delicious spaghetti.
- >Second step: Meatballs.
- >You open the chiller containing various vegetables and soy products.
- >You can't make meatballs with vegetables, silly.
- >You close the chiller and open up the freezer hiding different meat products.
- >They were imported from the Griffons, of course.
- >There were steaks, sirloins, and other tasty meats.
- >But you were looking for the ground beef.
- >You search the cold depths of your freezer and spot the ground beef in a plastic container.
- >Man, Equestria has really progressed fast with your advice.
- >You bring out the container of frozen ground beef and leave it out to thaw.
- >The sauce is getting quite warm.
- >You fire up another flame and bring out a pot.
- >Third step: Spaghetti Noodles.
- >You're gonna need some water if you're gonna make some spaghetti, Anon.
- >You fill up the pot with some water and gently place it on the flame.
- >It bubbles.
- >Taking the pack of spaghetti noodles, you place the noodles into the pot, making sure they all submerge under the water.
- >The ground beef is quickly thawing. Very good.
- >The spices needs to be brought out. They are whispering to your subconscious.
- >You bring out a bowl and wash your hands.
- >You take various spices you probably don't know the name to and gently put a pinch of them into the ground beef.
- >It looks delicious to eat already.
- >You knead the ground beef to let the spices mix with the meat.
- >Goddamn does it look delicious.
- >You take a wad of ground beef probably as big as half of your hand and roll it up into a ball.
- >You make about 6 of the gooey meatballs, place them on a tray and store the remaining ground beef in the freezer.
- >It's time to cook the meatballs.
- >You take the soft spaghetti noodles in a strainer and put half of it on your plate, and the other half on Rarity's plate.
- >You take the pan of tomato sauce and pour the tomato sauce on the noodles evenly.
- >It's looking quite fabulous already.
- >You wipe the pan with some paper towels and begin oiling it up for the meatballs.
- >You salivate at the thought of meatballs.
- >Delicious.
- >You put the meatballs on the pan, awaiting the smell of the spices.
- >The meatballs let out a savory aroma, filling the entire kitchen.
- >It's so good you almost want to take it and eat it right where it is.
- >No, you gotta hold it off until Rarity arrives.
- >Fourth step: Cheese
- >But what kind of cheese?
- >This kind of question is not needed. Parmigiano. Always Parmigiano.
- >You snoop in the pantry for the Parmigiano.
- >It's somewhere there. You know it.
- >You pluck it out from its hiding spot from the pantry and get your grater.
- >The Princesses have everything. They know you need meat.
- >The meatballs are done and ready for eating.
- >You nestle them in the noodles, making sure they look presentable.
- >It's perfect. One last touch is needed, that's all.
- >The cheese, Anon. The cheese.
- >You take the Parmigiano and the grater and hold them ceremoniously over the spaghetti.
- >It's time for the sacred cheese ritual.
- >You begin sliding the cheese across the grater, leaving small pieces of cheese on the spaghetti prepared.
- >You slide it over and over again, covering the top of each plate with ample amounts of cheese.
- >Everything is finished.
- >You just gotta look fancy.
- >You clean the pan and pot, put away the various excess, and clean yourself.
- >Looking sharp, Mr. Ymous.
- >You are ready for the dinner with Rarity.
- >"Sweetie Belle, don't I simply look ravishing?"
- >Rarity did a twirl and landed stopped in front of a mirror
- >She stared at the mirror and stared at her dress.
- >It was a simple red dress, nothing very special.
- >However, she did wear a ton of make up and mascara.
- >She was more than ready for the simple dinner that Anon made.
- >"You're very pretty, Rarity, but what's the occasion?"
- >She stared at Rarity with inquisitive eyes.
- >"Sir Anonymous invited me over to his house at Canterlot for dinner! Isn't it great, Sweetie?"
- >Rarity smiled at the mirror and switched over to Sweetie Belle.
- >"Oh, oh! Can I come? Rarity please? I want to go to Anon's place!"
- >Sweetie Belle was jumping in place with eyes bigger than the moon.
- >She loved seeing and playing with Anon.
- >Anon, however, didn't so much.
- >He hated being an object in the Cutie Mark Crusader experiments.
- >He hated being dressed up by Sweetie Belle,
- >Then tied to Scootaloo's scooter,
- >Then being launched from a catapult somehow built by Applebloom.
- >For the seventh time this month.
- >"Of course not, dear. You know how Anonymous hates being the object of your experiments."
- >Rarity deadpanned at Sweetie.
- >"But it was only the third time that we broke his rib cage and femur! Oh please, Rarity, I want to go!"
- >Sweetie Belle pouted and put up a cute face, enough to melt the hearts of the most wicked.
- >"No."
- >But not enough to melt the heart of Rarity.
- >"B-but Rarity! Why not? Why can't I go?"
- >Sweetie was frowning and pouting harder.
- >"You'll ruin the dinner, Sweetie. I'll bring home left-over spaghetti when we're done."
- >Sweetie Belle's face was a puddle of frowns.
- >Rarity turned to the door and left, leaving Sweetie Belle alone.
- >Sweetie was speechless and scowling at the door.
- >"Oh, and Sweetie, one thing."
- >Rarity opened the door.
- >"Don't bother plotting to follow me. I already know you will. Here's enough bits for the train."
- >She levitated a bag of bits over to Sweetie and left.
- >"It's a very nice meal you prepared, Anonymous!"
- >She takes a whiff of the pasta on the table.
- >You look at it and remember how much you love your spaghetti.
- "Thank you, Rarity. It's spaghetti, something that was my favorite back home on Earth."
- >You stare at it for a while.
- >"Speaking of meals, I highly suggest you prepare one for Sweetie Belle. Darling is following me."
- >She looks at you with exasperated eyes.
- >You think for a bit.
- >You probably have enough for making one for Sweetie.
- "I think I still have enough noodles and ingredients for a plate for Sweetie Belle."
- >Speaking of Sweetie, the CMC still hasn't paid for your rib cage surgery.
- >The doctors were not experienced with your anatomy, and billed you costlier than normal.
- >Celestia couldn't pay for it because she can't tae care of you all the time.
- >You agreed with Sweetie Belle that you pay the entire thing and the CMC gives you Sweetie Belle's allowance for the month.
- >It took quite a while.
- >Back to the real world, you take the ingredients from the fridge and get another pack of spaghetti noodles.
- >You cook the spaghetti again, this time with more efficiency.
- "Done. Levitate it over to Sweetie."
- >You hand it over to Rarity, and she brigns it over to the roof of your house.
- >"Oh sweet! Anon cooking!"
- >You hear Sweetie Belle shout from the top of the roof, followed by an "Oops!"
- >This date's going to go bad, you can tell.
- >"Now, let's get this date going, shall we?"
- >Rarity turns to you.
- "Alright."
- >You pull a chair for Rarity and another one for you.
- >"So, Anonymous! Has there anything that Princess Twilight done to you so far that you'd like to tell?"
- >She adds a friendly wink and laughs.
- >You think for a while and shake your head.
- "Nothing, really. She just works on random spells and stays in court. You should know, seeing as you're part of the court."
- >You bring out and pour some wine for you and Rarity.
- >"Touche, Anonymous. But since I have this tailoring work, and ponies are flocking to my boutique more and more because of my affiliation, to Twilight, it's hard to stay in the court."
- >She takes a small gulp of wine.
- >You take one too.
- >"Anything very interesting about your knighting?"
- >She counters.
- "Nothing really. It's very easy, but Twi said something about side-effects of being a knight in the court of Friendship. Something about terrible relationships."
- >You wave it off with your hand and chuckle.
- "I haven't witnessed it yet. Could happen anytime though."
- >You take a sip of the wine.
- >It's sweeter the second time.
- >You hear something on your roof.
- >"Hi Sweetie Belle!"
- >Wait. The voice sounds familiar.
- >That was Scootaloo.
- >"And I brought the rope!"
- >That was Applebloom.
- >"Shush! I told you guys to be quiet!"
- >Rarity rolls her eyes.
- >She takes a swig of the wine and gestures you to take one as well.
- "We'll need it, I assume."
- >She nods.
- >You take one and wipe your mouth with your sleeve.
- >"Now!"
- >Sweetie Belle runs down the stairs to your bedroom, followed by Scootaloo with rope.
- >"We found things in your bedroom, Anon!"
- >"Yeah! Cool things! Like whips and chains and handcuffs!"
- >Rarity glances at you sideways and raises an eyebrow.
- >"There are some other things there, but we don't know what they were. They were pink and had weird shapes!"
- >Fuck.
- >They found your dragon dildo collection.
- >This isn't good.
- >Rarity is disgusted.
- >She knows you collect dragon dildos.
- >"We found these hats too!"
- >Scootaloo throws down a bunch of fedoras and various trilbies.
- >"Anonymous,"
- >Rarity cringes.
- >"Maybe dinner at your place wasn't the brightest idea, dear."
- >Rarity tries to hold down a face of embarassment.
- >"I found your subscription of Playcolt, Anon!"
- >Applebloom runs down the stairs with your subscription of Playcolt.
- >Rarity sighs and mutters to herself something you can't hear.
- >"I... I'll take my leave now, Anonymous."
- >Rarity walks out of the door and leaves you to the three fillies.
- "You three, take those back up. Now."
- >You pinch the bridge of your nose and sit down.
- "Fucking CMC."
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