BOSS BATTLE: Lane vs Salamander Chief

[18:45] <Chief> Roll 1d20-1 initiative
[18:45] <`DM> Chief rolled 1d20-1 initiative [ 1d20=6 ]{5}
[18:46] <Lane> Roll 1d20
[18:46] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=20 ]{22}
[18:47] <Chief> So, to recap
[18:48] <Chief> You are surrounded by a mess of pots and pans and other clangorous mess objects
[18:48] <Chief> There is no Chief in sight
[18:48] <Chief> What do?
[18:48] <Lane> Basically, I'll listen for the sound of him moving around to clang a pan.  If so I'll be ready to fire.
[18:48] <Chief> Make a perception check to detect
[18:49] <Lane> I roll 13+3 in my post.  Do again?
[18:49] <Chief> Yes
[18:49] <Lane> Roll 1d20+3
[18:49] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20+3 [ 1d20=4 ]{7}
[18:50] <Chief> A single light footstep sounds behind you
[18:50] <Lane> "Careful," I'll say to Hilarious Gimp.  "He's too fast to see."  I choose not to tase my new friend despite him making sounds behind me.  I assume.
[18:51] <Chief> Hilarious Gimp gives you a somber nod
[18:51] <Chief> Roll 3#1d20-1
[18:51] <`DM> Chief rolled 3#1d20-1 [ 1d20=5 ]{4}, [ 1d20=5 ]{4}, [ 1d20=10 ]{9}
[18:51] <Chief> Another blur of motion, but you yourself remain unharmed
[18:51] <Chief> Your turn
[18:52] <Lane> This time, I'll scoop up some of that flour and sort of blow it out of my hand, ala Bloodsport
[18:52] <Lane> Try to powder his ass
[18:52] <Chief> The powder coalesces three different salamanders into visibility
[18:52] <Lane> "Oh shit!  The Chief is three guys!"
[18:53] <Chief> They come after you
[18:53] <Lane> Readying taser for next turn.
[18:53] <Chief> Roll 4#1d20-1
[18:53] <`DM> Chief rolled 4#1d20-1 [ 1d20=9 ]{8}, [ 1d20=9 ]{8}, [ 1d20=8 ]{7}, [ 1d20=4 ]{3}
[18:53] <Chief> And somehow all miss entirely
[18:53] <Lane> These guys apparently went to the same karate school as me.  The video store.
[18:53] <Chief> Their frenzied motions, however, stir the powder up further.  You're fairly certain it won't stick to them much longer
[18:54] <Lane> Dang.  (no idea what my bab is but it's a dex weapon so I'll add that)
[18:54] <Lane> Taser!
[18:54] <Lane> Roll 1d20+2 at the middle Chief
[18:54] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20+2 at the middle Chief [ 1d20=18 ]{20}
[18:54] <Lane> roll 1d3
[18:54] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d3 [ 1d3=1 ]{1}
[18:54] <Lane> (awesome)
[18:55] <Chief> Middle Chief vanishes in a puff of salamander-coloured smoke
[18:55] <Chief> Two remain
[18:55] <Lane> "Okay, they're definitely detonating.  Look out, I'm pretty sure they're bombs or magic or hallucinations.  Uh... yeah get them!"
[18:55] <Lane> Reloading is for chumps.  I make a wild tackle at the left Chief.
[18:56] <Lane> Roll 1d20
[18:56] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20 [ 1d20=10 ]{10}
[18:56] <Chief> Left Chief explodes too
[18:56] <Chief> One remains
[18:56] <Lane> I hit the floor, also like a chump.
[18:56] <Lane> Check over my shoulder to see if Hilarious Gimp is doing anything
[18:57] <Chief> Hilarious Gimp is standing still
[18:57] <Chief> You're sure he's providing excellent moral support, though
[18:58] <Chief> The last chief comes at you swinging wildly
[18:58] <Chief> Roll 2#1d20-1
[18:58] <`DM> Chief rolled 2#1d20-1 [ 1d20=10 ]{9}, [ 1d20=15 ]{14}
[18:58] <Lane> Take turn to stand.
[18:58] <Lane> "Okay Chief, your vapor goons are toast.  Give up now before you get vaporized!"
[18:58] <Lane> I feel his love and support coursing through me like milk through a swirly straw.
[18:59] <Lane> The color changing kind.  I change into the color of a guy who is now coated in flour.
[18:59] <Lane> (14 hits)
[18:59] <Lane> (I have the AC of an especially portly cockerspaniel)
[18:59] <Chief> Roll 1d2-1 damage
[18:59] <`DM> Chief rolled 1d2-1 damage [ 1d2=2 ]{1}
[19:00] <Lane> (I think that's 4 or 5 total)
[19:00] <Lane> "You had your chance," I'll say calmly.  Then I'll spaz out and flail at him madly with my skinny arms.
[19:00] <Chief> ((Let's assume a total of 4.  That leaves you at 10/14 HP))
[19:00] <Lane> Roll 1d20
[19:00] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20 [ 1d20=8 ]{8}
[19:01] <Chief> You miss the chief
[19:01] <Lane> "Ack!"
[19:01] <Chief> The chief shakes off the last of the flour
[19:01] <Chief> Roll 3#1d20-1
[19:01] <`DM> Chief rolled 3#1d20-1 [ 1d20=7 ]{6}, [ 1d20=16 ]{15}, [ 1d20=6 ]{5}
[19:01] <Chief> Roll 1d2-1 damage
[19:01] <`DM> Chief rolled 1d2-1 damage [ 1d2=1 ]{0}
[19:01] <Chief> You feel a light pat on the back
[19:01] <Lane> (amazing)
[19:02] <Lane> I'll flip out a little, mixing my fervent desire to fling powder off the floor around with a desperate blind-attack attempt to grab him.
[19:02] <Lane> roll 1d20
[19:02] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20 [ 1d20=13 ]{13}
[19:02] <Lane> roll 1d10 concealment
[19:02] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d10 concealment [ 1d10=1 ]{1}
[19:02] <Lane> (I have no idea whether low or high is good for that)
[19:03] <Chief> Three chiefs are now visible
[19:03] <Lane> "Oh goddamn it
[19:03] <Chief> Hilarious Gimp smiles serenely
[19:03] <Lane> Is there a machine making these in the other room or what?"
[19:04] <Lane> Was the oven in the other room electric or gas?  No reason.
[19:04] <Chief> Let's say electric
[19:04] <Lane> Balls.
[19:04] <Chief> The chiefs come after you again
[19:04] <Chief> Roll 4#1d20-1
[19:04] <`DM> Chief rolled 4#1d20-1 [ 1d20=14 ]{13}, [ 1d20=2 ]{1}, [ 1d20=4 ]{3}, [ 1d20=20 ]{19}
[19:04] <Lane> I briefly consider calling to
[19:05] <Lane> Snakesprite, but I gotta do this alone.
[19:05] <Chief> Roll 1d2-1 damage
[19:05] <`DM> Chief rolled 1d2-1 damage [ 1d2=2 ]{1}
[19:05] <Chief> You get smacked a little bit
[19:05] <Lane> dang 9/14
[19:05] <Lane> "Okay, you asked for it."
[19:06] <Lane> Can I captchalog the Hilarious Gimp?
[19:06] <Chief> Go for it
[19:06] <Lane> Captchalog Hilarous Gimp.  Goodbye Shades.
[19:06] <Lane> [Hilarious Gimp][Police Tape]  No idea how many captchalogs fit into a combat turn
[19:06] <Chief> Three captchas per minor action
[19:07] <Lane> (bonus points if the shades land on a chief)
[19:07] <Chief> Make an attack roll to launch shades
[19:07] <Lane> Roll 1d20+2
[19:07] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=13 ]{15}
[19:07] <Lane> nice
[19:07] <Chief> A chief puffs up into smoke
[19:07] <Lane> Captchalog Pot Lid
[19:07] <Chief> You launch the tape
[19:07] <Lane> [Pot Lid][Hilarous Gimp]
[19:08] <Lane> roll 1d20+2 for tape? lulz
[19:08] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20+2 for tape? lulz [ 1d20=15 ]{17}
[19:08] <Chief> Another one gone
[19:08] <Lane> ncie
[19:08] <Lane> Alright, I'll finish the combo by captchaloging a Pot
[19:08] <Lane> roll 1d20+2 for Hilarious Gimp
[19:08] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20+2 for Hilarious Gimp [ 1d20=13 ]{15}
[19:09] <Lane> [Pot][Pot Lid]  Clearly this is my calling.
[19:09] <Chief> Hilarious Gimp experiences the soaring majesty of the eagle for a good second before crashing into the remaining chief
[19:09] <Chief> They both puff into smoke
[19:09] <Lane> "Oh goddamn it!"
[19:10] <Chief> Roll 2#1d20-1
[19:10] <`DM> Chief rolled 2#1d20-1 [ 1d20=3 ]{2}, [ 1d20=11 ]{10}
[19:10] <Lane> Check ceiling.  Do there appear to be fire protection sprinkler regulations in the land of the salamanders?
[19:10] <Chief> You feel a slight breeze as yet another invisible chief misses a wild swing at you
[19:10] <Chief> There do indeed seem to be sprinklers scattered about the room
[19:11] <Lane> Nice.  I spend the whole turn taking cover and looking thoroughly for a source of fire or fire-potential
[19:11] <Lane> Actually check that
[19:11] <Lane> I reload.
[19:11] <Lane> I has the flame
[19:11] <Chief> Roll 3#1d20-1
[19:11] <`DM> Chief rolled 3#1d20-1 [ 1d20=15 ]{14}, [ 1d20=14 ]{13}, [ 1d20=7 ]{6}
[19:12] <Chief> You get another slap
[19:12] <Chief> Roll 1d2-1
[19:12] <`DM> Chief rolled 1d2-1 [ 1d2=1 ]{0}
[19:12] <Chief> Not a very hard one though
[19:13] <Lane> I'll back up and try to wait a second, timing the seconds between the gentle slaps to my body before slamming the door, hopefully on one but mostly to get a second to think.
[19:13] <Chief> You slam the door
[19:13] <Chief> All is peaceful
[19:14] <Lane> Next action, jump up on table and attempt to fiddle with sprinkler.  Does this appear to be openable by me?
[19:15] <Chief> A sufficiently powerful blow should manage to open it
[19:15] <Chief> Or break it open.  Same thing, really
[19:15] <Lane> Not using my gentle meat hands for that.  I'll retrieve that pot lid and bash with that.
[19:15] <Lane> Roll 1d20
[19:15] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20 [ 1d20=2 ]{2}
[19:15] <Lane> haha
[19:15] <Lane> Okay
[19:16] <Chief> You whack the ceiling with the pot lid
[19:16] <Lane> I'll stop table dancing like a working girl and haul that electric stove away from the wall to expose the cord
[19:16] <Chief> ==>
[19:17] <Lane> Investigate electrical workings.  Is it possible with my knowledge to start a fire using either what's available or my taser in conjunction with this high capacity plug?
[19:17] <Chief>  Roll Intelligence
[19:17] <Lane> roll 1d20+1
[19:17] <`DM> Lane rolled 1d20+1 [ 1d20=7 ]{8}
[19:18] <Chief> You think you could ignite something flammable if you really needed to
[19:18] <Chief> Might take a while, and it'd have to be something like paper, but it should work
[19:18] <Lane> Check the door.  If closed, begin working this plan immediately.
[19:18] <Chief> Closed
[19:19] <Lane> Check cupboards for cardboard boxes and labels for tinder.
[19:19] <Lane> I swipe left until I find suitable material (heh)
[19:21] <Chief> It takes you several seconds of valuable time, but you eventually find enough tinder to use
[19:21] <Lane> Fire: Engage
[19:21] <Chief> You connect the tinder to the stove's high-power wiring
[19:21] <Chief> ... and start a fire
[19:22] <Chief> An alarm goes off, and the overhead sprinklers begin sprinkling overhead
[19:22] <Lane> Begin tearing cardboard boxes and feeding in larger quantities to stoke my new child of destruction.  Check door.
[19:22] <Lane> Oh sweet.
[19:22] <Lane> Does the table have wheels, and did I see a mop in here?
[19:23] <Chief> Table does not have wheels, but you DID notice a mop in the closet
[19:23] <Lane> Hmm.  Captchalog mop on hunch.  Then return to door with reloaded taser.
[19:24] <Chief> All is quiet beyond the door
[19:24] <Lane> Open door.
[19:24] <Chief> They aren't even trying to be sneaky anymore
[19:24] <Lane> The bastards.
[19:24] <Chief> A small army of chiefs stares at you
[19:24] <Lane> How many ninjas we got here.  Oh fuck.
[19:25] <Chief>  Roll perception
[19:25] <Lane> Roll 1d20+2
[19:25] <Guest88963> Lane rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=18 ]{20}
[19:25] <Chief> Ten chiefs
[19:25] <Chief> Plus an eleventh sorta hanging off to the side
[19:27] <Lane> Prepare to take gentle(?) beating.  Note chieftain to the side as definite ring-leader as per all kung-fu movies.  Combine imperfect understanding of electrical workings and then, making sure that water is sprinkling liberally out here as well, rush toward probably ring-leader and tase the floor.
[19:27] <Lane> In whatever order I may.
[19:27] <Lane> Or rather, as quickly as I can over howevermany turns
[19:27] <Chief> You tase the floor
[19:27] <Chief> Attack roll
[19:27] <Lane> Roll 1d20+2
[19:27] <Guest88963> Lane rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=4 ]{6}
[19:28] <Chief> Fortunately, floors are not at all good at dodging
[19:28] <Lane> (haha seriously)
[19:28] <Chief>  Roll for damage
[19:28] <Lane> roll 1d3
[19:28] <Guest88963> Lane rolled 1d3 [ 1d3=2 ]{2}
[19:29] <Lane> (Highest damage yet!)
[19:29] <Chief> A small army of chiefs turns into a small army of smoke puffs
[19:29] <Lane> Slowly turn head to probably ring-leader.
[19:29] <Chief> And a single unconscious salamander
[19:29] <Lane> Dramatically, obv.
[19:30] <Chief> The chief opens its eyes dramatically
[19:30] <Lane> "Awww yeah!  I guess these soles are rubber?? I--- Urk!"
[19:30] <Lane> Oh no it's like a zombie movie!
[19:30] <Chief> "Dude I'm not a zombie"
[19:31] <Lane> "Well a zombie WOULD say that."
[19:31] <Chief> The chief gives you a wide-eyed look
[19:31] <Chief> "Excellent point"
[19:31] <Lane> "Just to lure me into the clutches of it's... mouth?  I guess that's not really clutches..."
[19:31] <Chief> "You're right"
[19:31] <Lane> "So do we have to box more or... "
[19:31] <Chief> "Oh man, what if I'm a zombie!?"
[19:31] <Lane> "Oh fuck!  Stay back!"
[19:32] <Lane> "Wait"
[19:32] <Lane> "Have you been bitten?"
[19:32] <Chief> The chief backs away from you
[19:32] <Lane> "Did -I- bite you?"  Think back to wild flailings.
[19:32] <Chief> "I don't remember!"
[19:32] <Lane> "We might both be zombies now."
[19:32] <Chief> "Oh no!"
[19:33] <Lane> "Oh NO!"
[19:33] <Chief> "We need to warn the others!"
[19:33] <Lane> "Quick!"