8-Ball

>Gathered in the town hall, you and a group of pones try to pass the time while staying out of the rain.
This.
>Grabbing your trusty magic 8 ball, you turn around to show the group of pones.
Is the Magic 8-ball. It sees all, it knows all.
>"There's no way that something like this is real, Anonymous. It's as silly as fortune telling.
>Twilight says as she turns her head away with a huff.
>Ah, a non-believer.
Why can you accept Pinkies shenanigans and not this, Twilight?
>"Because we found out that Pinkie-sense is always right! This is just ridiculous"
You shut your whore mouth.
>The purple alicorn looks up at you in anger, the rest in shock.
The Magic 8 ball is an important facet of human religion, The Cult of 8 would have your fucking head if they heard this blasphemy.
>"Y-You can't talk to me that way, I'm a Princess!"
>kneeling down and touching the 8-ball to your forehead, you begin to chant in a low ominous voice.
ravioliravioligivemetheformuoliravioliravioligivemetheformuoli Oh magic 8-ball, may this misguided heathen be bathed in the light of your wisdom and clarity. Is Twilight a fartknocker who needs to shut up and conjure me a sandwich?
>Staring down intensely as you shake the ball, you notice the group of pones backing away from you with apprehension written on their faces.
>Twilight just looks pissed.
>Your eyes snap open as you behold the divine truth of the magic 8-ball.
>"As I see it yes"
>You stand and hold the 8-ball for all to see.
>The pones gasp in awe and begin to murmur among themselves.
>"This is insane, give me that!"
>Twilight snaps at you, ripping the ball from your grasp with her magic.
>Suppressing the urge to hiss and call her a groundwalker, you allow her to ask her question.

>"Look, it just has random answers that pop up when you shake it. Let's ask something that can immediately be proven wrong."
>The pones in the background are still glancing around nervously as the purple pony princess looks up to you with a smug smile.
Ask and ye shall be enlightened.
>"I will! Is my name Twilight Sparkle?"
>You scowl and mumble at that display as she shakes the ball with her fore-hooves.
A bit unceremonious, but whatever...
>As the words appear, Twilights frown reappears and deepens.
>"Without a doubt"
>Rarity puts a hoof on her friends back and looks at her pleadingly.
>"Darling, perhaps we should just leave well enough alone..."
You would be wise to listen to this one. These are not powers to be trifled with.
>Looking down at her, you put up your hands in a pacifying gesture.
Just let it go, Twilight.
>"No! This is absolutely positively unthinkable! Alright "Magic" 8-ball, is it raining right now?"
>You roll your eyes. Such power wasted in the hooves of this ignorant pone.
>"My sources say no"
>"HAH! I told you it was all just nonsense, everypony can clearly see it's sti-"
>"Uh, Twilight...?
>"WHAT!?"
>Snapping at her brother/son/slave spike, she turns to see him pointing out the open door of the hall.
>A door being pierced by a sunbeam shining through the last drops of rain.

BEHOLD! Ask and ye shall receive!
>The pones begin to climb over themselves to get at the sacred artifact.
>"Please, let me ask next, I have to know if Pound and Pumpkin are mine!"
>"WHAT!?"
>Ouch, but I don't blame him. No way them kids be his. Dude needs to drag her ass onto Maury.
>"No, me! Will I ever be swept off my hooves by the dashing prince I deserve?"
>I could tell you that, you prissy bitch...
>"APPLES!?"
>All noise stops as every eye in the room turns to a sheepish Applejack.
>"Er... Heh heh, sorry."
>With a raised eyebrow, you shoo her to the door.
Maybe it's best you just go...
>"Yeah... Okay...
>"Will I be rich!?"
>"Will I ever get into the Wonderbolts!?"
>"Is this an STD or do I just need to bathe more often!?
>"Oooh, oooh, me! Can I have a muffin!?"
...Yes.
>God she's cute. Best to send her on her way with a pat on the head and a smile.
>The swarm of pones descend on the panicking princess, as the doors to the hall slam shut once more.

>A few hours later, the door creaks open once more as Mayor Mare enters.
>She stops dead in her tracks as she sees the chaos the room has fallen into.
>"Just... What is going on here!?"
>There is red paint and ketchup thrown across the floor.
>A fire somehow got started behind the center stage.
>A few pones are having an orgy on the balconies.
>Twilight is unconscious and taped to a crucifix.
>And you're eating a magically conjured sandwich.
>The 8-ball never lies.