Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.89,0:00:50.46,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}The accelerating gravitational force
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.53,0:01:00.68,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}and the echoing dynamics are restraining my heart.
What?

Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.30,0:01:06.88,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}As the cosmic dust bridge comes to an end,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.88,0:01:12.01,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}you'll only gain mystical powers,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.06,0:01:13.78,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}after you stare into it.
This can't be right.

Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.78,0:01:17.33,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}You then went and changed your appearance
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.33,0:01:20.95,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}Time began to move once again.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.07,0:01:25.58,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}I just want to meet myself again.
TLC TLC TLC

Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.71,0:02:46.30,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,In the past, I took advantage \Nof being your boyfriend
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.30,0:02:47.93,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,and helped you out when needed.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.41,0:02:51.94,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,However, now I feel like I don't \Nunderstand anything about you.
Adding another line adds more issues to what you had in the first place.

Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.04,0:02:55.31,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,Looking at us now,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.31,0:02:58.57,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,I don't want us to revert to how we were.
What in the what?
Script-writing skills are minimal -- look at that us/us repetition. Pointless.
And the line? It's nonsense. You wanted to say "I don't want our relationship to go back to how it was." but your focus on transliterated garbage sinks you again.

Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.30,0:03:07.45,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,I'm aware that your loss of \Nmemory isn't your fault, but...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.15,0:03:10.44,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,I know, but...
You would say "I know it isn't, but..."

Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.96,0:03:14.04,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,It's impossible...
"It's hard to accept." or something like that. Not fucking hard to write.

Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.77,0:03:51.47,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}I wonder why he won't tell me anything...{\i0}
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.47,0:03:53.92,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}Is there a reason why he won't tell me?{\i0}
Again, you repeat words unnecessarily. tell me/tell me. Your script has no flavor -- no life. Variety is important.

Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.28,0:03:40.03,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}It's killing Shin...{\i0}
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.30,0:03:43.13,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,{\i1}I just want you to know it's my fault.{\i0}
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.42,0:03:47.10,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,{\i1}I'm sorry. Forgive me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.77,0:03:51.47,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}I wonder why he won't tell me anything...{\i0}
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.47,0:03:53.92,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}Is there a reason why he won't tell me?{\i0}
From a nitpicky standpoint, starting five lines in a row with the same letter is bad.

Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.71,0:03:59.09,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,You've taken your bandages off already?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.09,0:04:01.17,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,Your neck must be enjoying the cool air.
And starting them off with the same word (You) is worse.

Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.59,0:04:46.10,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,Would he be {\i1}too{\i0}  busy studying for exams?
If you took enough time to italicize that, you should have taken enough time to read the whole line and figure it needs a rephrase.

Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.54,0:05:08.12,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,It'd be nice if you'd come...
It would be nice if you would come? Really?
Try changing the second to a "could".

Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.04,0:05:39.23,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,I see. Well, there's nothing we can do about that.{go kick his ass}
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.23,0:05:43.19,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,Well, let's end this conversation for now.
Well/well. Again, you repeat yourself. It's fairly common throughout this release, and it's piss-poor writing.

Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.37,0:06:03.08,Default,SAWA,0,0,0,,Let's start with the rockets!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.08,0:06:04.63,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,Hey, Sawa-senpai,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.99,0:06:08.02,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,why should we start with the rockets?
Why is your script so fucking dull?
"why should we light the rockets first?"
Don't just repeat shit whenever you can. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.02,0:06:11.65,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,Aren't they supposed to be used at the end?
Try "lit".

Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.39,0:06:19.14,Default,SAWA,0,0,0,,Maybe we can set up some\Nsparklers around the rockets...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.14,0:06:21.06,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,That's dangerous.
More like "That would be dangerous."

Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.50,0:06:27.08,Default,TOMA,0,0,0,,I thought my coworkers invited \Nme to a fireworks show...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.08,0:06:29.82,Default,TOMA,0,0,0,,I feel like I'm only here to babysit.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.82,0:06:31.41,Default,TOMA,0,0,0,,I wonder why...
I/I/I < wwwwww
Change the second line to "But I feel like all I'm doing is babysitting."
You can tell why that's better, right?