Fuckin' beakers, man. Little bastards just won't sit still.

>Day likeigiveafuck in Equestria
>Coming home from a sick party at Pinkie's.
>That mare knows what is UP.
>You get to your house and reach for your key...

>Shit.
>Chances are good the key's back at Pinkie's place, so you aren't too worried about other ponies getting in.
>The problem is YOU.
>Your bed is in there.
>And food.
>And... probably other important shit.
>Don't you keep a spare key under one of the rocks near your door?
>Which rock?
>You check under a bunch of 'em, but don't find anything.
>Where IS that spare?
>You're running out of rocks.
>...
>Great.  Now it's raining.
>WHERE IN CHRISTOPHER WALKEN'S ASS IS THAT DAMNED KEY?

>"Anon?  What are you doing out here this late?"

>It's Twilight!  Quick, make a snappy retort to prove how witty you are!
>"You're fat."
>... right then.  Good job.  Gold star for you.

>She giggles.
>"Always the charmer, eh Anon?  But really, it's cold and dark and it's starting to rain.  Why are you standing around outside?"

>You frown and mumble.

>"Didn't quite catch that."

>You continue to mumble, not wanting to just admit you can't find them.
>"Can't... keys... Walken's ass..."

>Twilight smiles awkwardly.
>"Right then.  Since you seem to be having some, er, difficulties with your door, would you like to stay at the library tonight?"

>Right on, book horse.  You's... you's an okay horse.  Not best horse, but good horse.
>Not like fashion horse or apple horse.
>Wait... no.  PONY.  Not horse.
>Shut up, you're not drunk.
>"Uh, sure.  It's not... it's not raining in the library, is it?"

>She just stares at you for a second before sighing and shaking her head.
>"No, Anon.  It's not raining in the library."

>You knock over the beaker.
>Again.

>Twilight shoos you away from the table.
>"Anon, really.  I appreciate the sudden interest in science, but you're not really coordinated enough to be handling this sort of equipment right now.  If you REALLY can't wait, how about you just try some thought experiments instead?"

>You stare up at the ceiling for a second before the very, very dim lightbulb appears.
>"Why do they call her Applejack if she doesn't taste like apples?"
>Congratulations.  You just made a reference that only you would understand.  Ponies don't even HAVE TV.
>You must be so proud of yourself.

>Twilight rambles for a few minutes about things being named for reasons other than their physical properties.
>You zone out until she turns to face you again.
>"And besides, she DOES taste like apples!"

>You stare at her as your jaw drops.

>She blushes intensely.
>"HEY!  Let's get you some more drinks!  You enjoy your alcohol and I don't have to worry about you remembering that in the morning!  Everyone wins!"

>Yourfacewhenyou'reokaywiththis.mp4
>"You're still not best pony, but goddamn you are trying."

>"What?"

>"Nothing.  Let's go get me some booze."

>"Eh heh... right.  I don't have any on hand, but allow me to further demonstrate the power of science for you."
>Her horn glows and a bunch of tubes and liquids and shit start floating toward the table.
>You stare in awe as Twilight makes like Jesus and boozes up some shitty non-alcoholic liquids.
>Now you're hungry for fish.

>You knock over the beaker.
>Again.

>"Anon, you're drunk.  You can't do science when you're drunk.  That's a recipe for... disassster."

>Whoa.  She's a little wobbly, and some of her words are a bit slurred.
>She had like... one, two, three... she only had like FIVE drinks.  Friggin' lightweight.
>You're pretty glad you convinced her, though, because now that she's a bit more uninhibited she's busting out the MAD experimental shit, yo.
>Like, fire is involved now.  She's like a drunker and more awesome version of that one chemistry teacher you had who was always slightly unhinged.
>Also, she's way cuter.
>...
>Wait, what?

>"Wait!"
>She hiccups.
>"I know what we gotta do, Anon!  It's an experiment I've been shaving for a while now because my friends were too CHICKEN to risk some minor molecular disruption."

>"That."
>"Sounds."
>"AWESOME."

>"Come on, follow me to the basement!"
>She gallops over toward the stairs and trips on the first one.
>She stumbles and flails all the way down.

>You carefully shimmy down one step at a time, 'cuz no way in shit can you be trusted to make it down a full flight of stairs walking normal-like right now.
>Twilight's tangled up in some boxes, wiggling around.
>You grab one of her hooves that's sticking out and pull.
>Nothing happens.  She's stuck.
>You pull harder and she pops loose.
>The two of you fly back and crash into the wall.
>Twilight's sitting in your lap facing away from you.
>And her backside is starting to look pretty good from where you're sitting.
>You know.  Right under it.

>She jumps up and runs over to a pair of huge glass cylinders.
>She turns around and motions at them.
>"THIS, is my latest and greatest untested experiment!"

>You blink.

>"It's a short-range teleporter!"

>"Can't you already do that?"

>She coughs.
>"Well, yes.  But this is a machine that reproduces a teleportation spell, without the aid of a unicorn!"

>"Cool?"

>She looks mad.
>"Yes, Anon.  Cool."

>"Alright, so it's cool.  WhaddoIgoddado?"

>She rolls her eyes, walks back over to you and pushes you toward one of the cylinders.
>"You're going to test it for me."

>"Ooooh."
>You stare at the contraption.
>It looks kinda... ominous.
>You gulp.

>She shoves you into the chamber and hits some buttons.
>There's a bright flash of light, and suddenly you're in the other tube.
>Well.
>That wasn't so bad at all.

>Twilight's eyes go wide.
>"It worked!"
>She's doing that thing where she hops around in circles saying yes over and over again.
>You wonder when she'll stop.
>You wonder for a while while she continues to not stop.
>You push open the glass and take a step forward.

>She stops dead in her tracks.
>"Where do you think you're going?"

>You shrug.

>"Get back in the tube.  There's one more test, and it's very important."

>Huh.  Why did you shudder a little at the thought?
>And why is Twilight getting into the other tube?
>And isn't this an overused and stupid setup, with obviously horrifying results waiting to happen?
>You open your mouth to protest, but she's already hit the button.
>There's a bright flash of light.

>You instinctively start to feel yourself up, making sure you're in one piece.  Your hands seem to be working, and your face is where it should be.
>You're standing on two legs, as well.
>You breathe a sigh of relief and relax.
>The only ill effect you detect is that you are thirsty.
>You make a note to drink more in the near future.
>You also take a look out through the glass to see that you didn't actually teleport.  You're still in the same tube you were before.

>Twilight is already pacing around the basement, thinking out loud.
>Lots of big science words coming out of her in low mumbles.  Not much you understand.

>"Twilight?"

>She shakes her head and snaps out of it.
>"Sorry, Anon.  I'm just wondering what the hay happened.  It should've worked!"

>Suddenly, you have a brilliant idea.
>"Maybe you can figure it out if you drink more!"

>She should've facehoofed.  She really should've.
>But she must have had just a little too much to drink already.
>Because she's smiling and nodding in agreement.

>You don't complain.
>Drunk science is best science.

>You clamber up the stairs with Twilight just behind you.
>You stumble toward the table.

>Twilight slides into place on the other side.

>You knock over the beaker.
>Again.

>Twilight laughs it off and the two of you proceed to get titty much protally fitshaced.

>You slink off to the bathroom to piss, and you let out an ear-piercing shriek.
>Whether because you were drunk or because you were paying too much attention to science or even just because you're an unobservant piece of shit, you hadn't noticed.
>You do now.
>You bet you know what happened on the other end, too.
>And since she came up the stairs BEHIND you and was mostly concealed by the table...
>It's just stupid enough to make sense.
>That... is not your genitalia.  But you're pretty sure you can tell whose it is.

>"Twilight?" you shout, still standing in front of the toilet staring down at the abomination in your pants.

>There's no response.

>"Twilight, can you check yourself out in a mirror or something?  I think the teleport went wronger than we thought."

>You hear faint rustling.
>Then a beaker falling over.

>You zip up your pants and peek your head out the door.
>You catch a glimpse of Twilight's tail fluttering behind her as she bolts out the door.
>You think you see juuuust a hint of a color that doesn't belong.
>You make for the nearest window.
>She's running toward Sweet Apple Acres.
>You make a mental note not to go drinking with Twilight anymore.