one last memorial

She woke in that same field of flowers, after gentle dreams of the loved ones she had buried there. Speaking to them one final time, receiving her closure so that she might accept them for who they are now. But as she wiped the sleep from her eyes, she realized that one of those old friends was missing. One who she had forgotten. Maybe even forgotten on purpose.

Remaining in the small tupperware box was an old cartridge.

After a moment of staring down at it, she gingerly removed it from the box, and held it in her hands. One of her favorite games, a wonderful experience to play. Something she had hunted for in good condition for ages before she finally found it at a thrift store for ten dollars, because the person who put the tag on it just didn’t know what it was. And it even came with a free friend who was willing to try to pull her out of a very dark place.

She didn’t dig a hole this time. She couldn’t bring herself to, not after the promises she had made.

“…. I can’t bury you, Elijah. Someone did that for me in the nineties.” She drew in a deep breath. “Hah… what nineties am I even talking about anymore. Three hundred years… in all the mess, all your other ties… I wish I knew what happened. When I noticed you were missing, it was too late… did you survive? Did the Wyrm have you, or… did something else happen. Were you born again somewhere…? Are you dead and gone forever? Something about how you were when we met… maybe that makes this one the hardest. Because I can’t have that faith that I’ll ever see you again, not like the others. Maybe that’s why I forgot you. Maybe I just didn’t want to face that.”

She reached for another brick, etching a name carefully into the masonry and setting it beside the graves of her would-be husband and sister in law, and her roommate. “Those long nights alone might have saved me. Just us, shooting the shit, learning about each others’ worlds. You never deserved what that world gave you, but… I hope I made some difference in death that you never got in life. Do you remember that time I showed you that this game had a sequel? How our lives and not-lives changed that night? I’ve seen Samsa around, in space and even here… and we helped with that. You and me… you really did make a difference. I hope you went out knowing that. If not to the world, then… to me.

“Even if I couldn’t face it before… I have to. For my sake, and yours. No way you’d want me to tear myself apart over this. Not after how you found me. I don’t know if you’re still out there. I can’t have absolute faith… but I can hope, can’t I? The least I can do for you is uphold that promise. I won’t bury this cartridge. I couldn’t make myself if I tried, because I promised you. This thing isn’t just a piece of you, not like that tie, or… my sister’s blood, or one of those dried roses… this is an oath, and… even if you are gone, I’m going to uphold it. Until the day I die.”

The tears came silent as she lowered the cart back into the box. She laid back down and curled into herself, staring into the swaying trees above and breathing in the clean air of the planet where all this started.

Maybe the others could… wait a while longer.