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- >be me
- >have single child
- >forcibly tattoo a penis onto its shoulder at birth
- >have a spinning toy over its phallic crib completely composed of miniature dildos
- >nightlight with dicks painted on it so that when turned on would cast dozens of shadow dicks onto the walls
- >raise the kid around the very idea of penises, never explaining what they are or what they do
- >have a penis cereal spoon and a ballsack cereal bowl
- >he starts going to school
- >give him penis lunchboxes, backpacks, pencil bags, etc.
- >teachers try and take them away
- >keep resupplying him with more, eventually the teachers and staff just accept my dick child
- >teach him about how sex and cussing and stuff like that is wrong, still reinforce dick culture
- >get him solid gold miniature dildos for earrings
- >he invites his friends over
- >his room is decorated with peen wallpaper, cock bookshelves, dick bed, the whole 9 yards
- >they play with all of his dick themed action figures
- >watch him grow up
- >he becomes an architect
- >designs his own house
- >its a penis
- >causes local controversy
- >mayor gets involved
- >soon news reporters catch wind of the story
- >live tv reports on the status of operation dickhouse
- >millions of dick-rights activists protesting against the mayor
- >president steps in
- >allows the construction of the schlong shelter
- >congratulates my son on pubic television for his success.
- >he becomes a national icon
- >soon tons of people begin to adapt to dick culture
- >entire cities begin to succumb to the hot new fad
- >eventually entire portions of the United States are inhabitated by dicktians
- >fast forward 50 years
- >one of the new dicktians takes office after a rowdy campaign
- >President Richard Johnson
- >leader of the Demophallic party
- >penis pandemonium takes over as new president redesigns country
- >cock currency
- >Scrotal school districts
- >Erect Economy
- >the united states finally gets back on track in terms of education and debt
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