204

    Senator Peter Thomas (r-kentucky). Mr. Hale, it has
been pointed out that Poopy Joe was last seen
entering your launch facility.
    Mr. Hale. He was seen after that. For instance,
during the launch.
    Sen. Thomas. And what happened to him during the
launch?
    Mr. Hale. He was very happy.
    Sen. Thomas. That doesn't answer my -
    Mr. Hale. After he got back safe and sounc, of
course, we sent the little guy on an all-expenses
paid vacation for his service to America. For all
I know, he's still there.
    Sen. Thomas. And where did you send him?
    Mr. Hale. Bahamas? Bahrain? It definitely
started with a Bah.
    Sen. Thomas. Bahamas or Bahrain.
    Mr. Hale. Or Bar. Could have started with Bar.
Or Ber.
    Sen. Thomas. Do you have documentation regarding
this paid vacation?
    Mr. Hale. Berhubos? Is that a place?
    Sen. Thomas. That is not a place.
    Mr. Hale. Bahorda?
    Sen. Thomas. Mr. Hale, is there documentation
regarding this vacation?
    Mr. Hale. Bazurbits? Damn. This is going to
bother me all day.
(cross-talk)
    Senator Art Brackman (r-florida). I'll ask you point
black, where is Poopy Joe?
    Mr. Hale. Have you looked in space? I understand
monkeynauts are often found there.
    Sen. Brackman. America hasn't undertaken any
space missions since our monkeynaut went missing,
largely due to a lack of monkeynauts.
    Mr. Hale. It seems unlikely that he was - is -
the only monkeynaut.
    Sen. Brackman. He was the only monkeynaut with
the training to fly to space.
    Mr. Hale. Nonsense. Space can't be that
difficult.



                        205

    Sen. Brackman. Not only are our other monkeynauts
incapable of conducting the complex tasks required
in space, they all died in training.
    Mr. Hale. Which raises the possibility that
Poopy Joe is simply hiding to avoid space danger.
    Senator Mitchell Gray (d-california). Let's try this
approach: what sorts of equipment did you give
Poopy Joe tp ensure his safety?
    Mr. Hale. All kinds of equipment.
    Sen. Gray. Can you please be more specific?
(pause)
    Mr. Hale. Safety equipment.
    Sen. Gray. Can you describe this equipment?
    Mr. Hale. I don't want to bore people. This
hearing's already been going on for hours.
    Sen. Gray. Indulge us, please.
    Mr. Hale. Well, if a monkey were being launched
into space, that monkey would hypothetically be
given a helmet.
    Sen. Gray. And what would the helmet protect him
from, Mr. Hale?
    Mr. Hale. Head trauma. Don't you people even
know what a helmet is? Who elected you?
(cross-talk)
    Senator Mark Delacourt (i-indiana). The crux of the
matter remains, neither our nation's entire supply
of Australium nor Poopy Joe have been seen by
anyone - your claims notwithstanding - once they
entered your launch facility.
    Mr. Hale. Is that a question? I didn't hear a
question.
    Sen. Delacourt. Or for - where is Poopy Joe?
Where's the damn Australium?
    Mr. Hale. For the last time, I have no idea
where that brave little monkey is.
    Sen. Delacourt. I posit to you that you stole the
Australium, Mister Hale, and substituted it with
gravel water from defective suitcase explosives,
which directly led to a crash of some kind, which
you're covered up.
    Mr. Hale. Why you -
(fight)