o.o

Depression isn’t an easy topic to write about, reason being it’s hard to explain to those that have never experienced it, what it is like. I asked someone once. What they thought depression was. “It’s like being sad all the time.” Now that I would not agree on. While people with depression are more often sad than happy, there is happiness in their lives. They just don’t acknowledge it. Whether by choice or simply because they can’t, it differs from person to person. Same with the level of depression in which a person has. I wanted to use ‘suffering’. It seems too pessimistic to me. ‘Suffering from depression’. Struggling. Fighting. Dealing. I think ‘overcoming’ is the best word. “I am overcoming depression”. It almost makes you want to smile.

Depression is like wanting to be happy but not knowing how. It’s like your own thoughts are consuming you each day. Like your mind doesn’t want you to be happy. Imagine wanting something, knowing how to get it but being unable to take the first step. Unable to begin the journey that you have been wanting to take for so long. It’s a constant batter between your thoughts “I can do this, I want to be happy” Vs. “You’re hopeless, you don’t deserve to be happy”. Who will win? It’s not something that has a simple answer. Some days the bad thoughts win. Some days the good thoughts win. The important thing is to be strong and to try. Always try. Never give up. But remember, each day is a new day, you may have lost a battle, but you will win the war.

Getting help for depression is probably the hardest thing to do. Because getting help is admitting you have a problem and it makes it real.  It takes a lot of strength and determination. Even after you finally admit the problem and go to get help, every single day is just has hard as the first. “Why am I even going?” “Is there any point to this?” “I’ll never get any better”. Every. Single. Time. But you know better. After all, if you are strong enough to take that first step in admitting you have a problem. Admitting you need help. Then you can do anything. You can get through it. You may wish you could do it alone. Everyone does. But there is no shame in seeking help. Be proud that you had the courage to do so in the first place.

I suppose the next step would be to write about what it’s like to overcome depression. To be ‘cured’. But I don’t know. I can’t answer that. I haven’t got that far. But I have hope. Hope that, one day I can tell you what it’s like. I will overcome this. Because, while at times I forget and get lost in my thoughts, I am stronger than depression. I’ve made it this far, I can make it even further.

But I will say this; No matter how bad things seem, no matter how low you get, killing yourself is never an option. If you get sad, so sad that you want to give up, stop thinking. Stop thinking about how you feel in THAT moment. Because you know you can snap out of it. You know you are better than this. You know you are strong. Much stronger than you think. Trust me.

Have hope. One day you will see the light through the darkness, and it will shine and be beautiful beyond all your expectations.