Derpy and Anon Hit the Bar Scene: The Belated Oneshot(?)

>You push through the bar door, the autumn chill nipping at your heels
>It's ffffffriday night
>muthafuckas
>And you're going to celebrate the only way you know how
>By getting rip-roaring drunk
>And having a great time doing it


>You stomp right up to the bar and claim a stool
>Right next to your best drinking buddy
>er, p0ny
>mare
>Whatever
>She's nursing a mug of cider
Awww come on Derpy!  You started without me
>"Whadaya expect me to do, Anon?  I can't help it if you're always late!"
>You laugh
Fair enough
>Then you turn and grin at the bartender
Barkeep, I'll have the usual
>The bartender smiles back at you
>Your... rather special requirements are a significant part of what keeps him in business
>He reaches under the bar and produces a mug
>And a bottle of AppleJack's finest
>AppleJack Daniels



>The first time you came to this place you tried that cider, yeah
>Shit's weak, yo
>Way too weak
>Even this AppleJack Daniels is weak, compared to the real stuff back home
>But that doesn't mean you can't still get drunk off it
>So you yank the stopper out of the bottle
>And pour yourself a glass
So how's your week been, Derpy?
>"Ah, the usual.  Work's is fun"
>She brightens up
>"And I only had one job related accident for the whole week!"
Derpy, that's great!
>"I know, right!"
>She takes a swallow of her drink
>"What about you, huh?  How's your week going?"
Oh, you know.  Work's a bitch, Lyra won't leave me alone...
>you take a slug of liquor
The usual


>A few more mugs later, and you're well on your way to being toasted
>Further into the bar, there's a commotion
>Tables and chairs are shoved roughly back against the walls
>And a platform is hustled out by strong earth p0nies
>They pile speaker after speaker on the edges
>Oh no
>Then the speakers boom to life
>"Alright everyp0ny, I wanna see some dancing right here, right now!"
>Then the music kicks in
>You look down at Derpy
>Derpy looks back up at you
>"Come on Anon!  Let's dance!"
>You sigh and grab your mug, swigging deeply
>She grabs your hand with her hoof and drags you off towards the dance floor
>You splutter and nearly spray AppleJack's finest everywhere
>"Woah Anon, What's the matter?"
I cashuwasa...
>"You what?"
I kanaanpatata...
>She stops dragging you and flutters somewhat unsteadily up to eye level
>"I can't hear you Anon, what were you saying?"
I can't dance, okay?


>"So?  I can't dance either!  You think that's going to stop me from enjoying myself?" she shouts over the music
>This friggen mare man
>She's right
>Either her upbeat, shining attitude is infectious
>Or this booze is getting to you more than you realize
>You finish off the last of your mug and set it on a convenient table
>Either way, you're going to have a good time
>You take Derpy by her front hooves and head off towards the dance floor
You're right.  Let's dance
>"Allright, that's what I like to hear!"


>You and Derpy hit the dance floor like a sledgehammer
>Literally
>You wouldn't be surprised if they find holes in the floor tomorrow morning
>The music is of the fast paced, techy sort variety where any kind of dancing is acceptable
>And your dancing fits the bill
>Just barely
>You and Derpy spin and pirouette, dart and dash through the crowd, pulling off wild moves that can only be done with a drunk human and a none-too-sober, adventurous pegasus
>Sometimes you lead
>Sometimes she leads
>And sometimes you're not quite sure what's happening
>Well, most of the time, actually
>You're drawing eyes everywhere
>Good eyes, bad eyes
>You don't care
>You're moving with the music
>and it feels good


>When your face is red and you find yourself panting, you release Derpy's hooves
>And head back over to the bar
>There are several dissapointed "Awwwww!"s from the table section of the restaurant
>A panting Derpy follows in your wake, taking advantage of the path you clear through the crowd
>"Boy Anon, you really know how to show a mare a good time"
No I don't
>You say, pouring yourself a fresh mug from the bottle still on the bar
>"What?"
I have no idea what I just did
>"Well, whatever it was, I enjoyed it"
>good for her
>You raise your arm and wave down the bar
Hey bartender, can I get a burger over here?  I'm famished!
>The bartender makes his way down the bar
>"Comin' right up"
>Then he addresses Derpy
>"Anything I can get for you, miss?"
>She makes a show of bringing her hoof up to her chin
>"mmmmmmm, I'll have the tofu burger"


>One burger and a few more mugs later, and you're definitely feeling the buzz
>And from the rosy red shade of Derpy's cheeks, so is she
>You struggle temporarily for a conversation topic
So, how was your burger?
>"Tasty, same as always"
Good, good...
>Christ, this feels like a date
>The speakers saves you the trouble of searching for further conversation topics
>The music stops, then the mic experiences some ear-rending feedback
>Then a mare's voice comes up
>"You all know what time it is?"
>"NO!" Responds the crowd
>"IT'S KARIOKI TIME!"
>The crowd issues general roar of approval
>Derpy flaps her wings and gets up off her stool
Where ya goin'?
>"I'm gonna sing!
Well good luck to ya then
>She flaps her wings and rockets off in the general direction of the stage


>One rather bubbly rendition of "Poison" later, and Derpy wobbles her way back over the crowd
>She lands rather hard a few feet away from the bar stool, and walks the rest of the distance
Ya did good!
>"You really think so?"
Hell yeah!  look out Fleur, here comes Derpy!
>She resumes her position at the bar stool
>"Heh, thanks Anon.  You should get up there"
Y'know what?  I think I will
>You get up off your own stool and head for the stage
Wish me luck
>"Good luck Anon!"
thanks


>By the time you get to the stage, a few singers of wildly varying quality have passed
>You head have a quick conversation with the mare running the technical booth
>Then you head up onto the stage
>The crowd quickly quietens at the sight of such a strange creature as it picks up the microphone
>"Wasn't he that dancing stallion from earlier?"
>"I heard he's from another planet!"
Alright mares and gentlestallions
>The crowd quietens even further
I appreciate this new techno stuff, I really do
>You smile
But sometimes, you just gotta get back to your roots
>You raise your arm
SO ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME NOISE?
>"YEAH!"
ALL RIGHT
>you wave at the mare, who starts the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVo8g7T39A4


>The crowd is eating the song right up
>Great
>You sweep your eyes over it as you sing and gesture
>And a smaller knot at the back catches your eye
>You resolve to keep an eye on it
>A smaller p0ny is in the middle of a semicircle of larger p0nies
>He looks cornered
>You'll speak up if he's reall-
>OH FUCK
>To your mounting horror, the p0ny seizes a metal folding chair
>The only one in the bar
>And heaves it towards the stage
>The entire everything stops with the sound of a skipping record as it sails through the air in seeming slow motion
>Then it lands, with the squeaky CLANG of doom
>All is silent for a microsecond
>Then IT BEGINS
>"I'm mad!" shouts a particularly angry stallion
>then somep0ny throws a punch
>And the entire crowd turns into a roiling bar fight


>You would love to join in on this bar fight
>The urge is almost overwhelming
>But you've already used up all your barfight-related injury downtime for the month
>You can't afford to get hurt too badly
>You're about to make for the door when you remember your drinking buddy
>Potential injury or not, you're not leaving Derpy behind
>You use your temporarily safe, elevated island in the brawl to peer out to the actual bar itself
>Derpy's desperately avoiding the advances of a stallion who looks even drunker than you
>She's too drunk to fly
>Damnit
>You're going to regret this


>You plunge off the stage and into the roiling melee
>In hindsight, a song about fighting probably wasn't the best one to sing
>Oh well
>The fighting's not too bad at the moment
>It's still gearing up
>So you reach the bar with minimal damage
>The bartender scoots through the door to the back pushing a cart with the last of the booze, save your bottle on the bar
>He kicks it shut behind him and you hear a wooden plank drop across the inside
>Shit
>That route's closed
>Turning your attention to Derpy, you see the stallion almost has her
>Not on your watch
>You execute a masterful flying butterfly kick on his ass
>No
>Not really
>You do a running jump kick and knock him over, true
>But you also land on your ass
>Fuck
>That's going to bruise


>Oh well, no time for that
>You spring to your feet as quickly as your body will allow
We're getting out of here
>Then you seize Derpy under your arm like an oversized football
>In your other hand you take the bottle from the bar
>You paid for that shit, you're going to finish it
>First you take a nice pull straight from the bottle
>Then you take off in a footballer's sprint for the door
>You dodge
>you feint
>you jump
>you punt
>And eventually, through some minor miracle, you reach and make use of the door without major injury to yourself or Derpy



>When you're a safe distance from the bar, you stop and set Derpy down
>She wobbles for a moment, then sits down on her haunches
>"Tha wash one hell of a fight!  How'd it get schtarted?"
>Damn, she must have had a lot more than you thought while you were up on the stage
Metal folding chair
>"Ah.  That trick never failsh."
>There's a brief pause, which you utilize to take another pull from the bottle
>"Well, I'll shee you around, Anon"
>She gets up more than a little unsteadily and flaps her wings
Wait
>She stops
>"Whasha matter?"
You're in no condition to be flying, you can hardly walk
>The walleyed mare snorts
>"You're not much better yourshelf"
Yeah, but I don't live in the clouds, now do I?
>"nooo...."
Come on, you can stay at my place tonight
>"Thanksh Anon"


>Your assumption proves to be true, as half way back to your house Derpy wobbles, then almost falls over
>You consider the bottle in your hand
>Eh
>It's empty anway
>You pitch it off into the woods and pick her up
>"Woah!"
Chill, I got you
>"I wash getting tired anyway..."
>You give a mental shrug and continue your journey
>She's surprisingly light
>Must have something to do with flying all the time
>A few minutes later, and you're at your house
>You stumble through the front door and place Derpy on the couch
>Then you sit down next to her in companionable silence
>You'd get up and go to your own room
>But you're really tired at the moment
>So you choose to remain on the couch next to Derpy
>"Anon, I like you"
>Christ, that was straight out of the clear blue sky
Well sure Derpy, I like you too
>"You're one of the only p0nehs... people... whatever.  You treat me like a real p0neh.  You don't look at me funny becaush of my eyesh"
>Derpy shifts over and leans up against your left side, resting her head on your shoulder
>"Anon, I LIKE like you
You like like me...
>"Yeah.  I do"
>Oh
>Well this is an interesting development
>One you're having trouble caring too much about at the moment
>You're just so tired
>And warm, with Derpy practically laying on you
>You could fall asleep right here...
>A light snore to your left tells you this is exactly what Derpy has done
>And you don't see any reason why you shouldn't get to as well...